Old times.
New beginnings.
Old feelings.
New heartaches.
Old reasons.
New excuses.
Feeling how I felt was amazing. It was a whole box of emotions that was just cracked open.
We spent the weekend together. I didn't work up the nerve to tell my parent about Lucas and I. No matter how close we were, it made it harder to tell them.
I grew up listening to all of the stories of my parents. How perfect they were growing up. They were each others first love, first kiss, first date, first heartbreak, and much more. In a way it felt like not going down their path would disappoint them.
There were about a million stories that I heard over the years. There was the kiss in the park or the time that my mother moved and ran away from home to see my father even though she knew that she would get punished for it.
It was intimidating.
Having such perfect parents made everyone think that I had to be the perfect daughter. Whenever we went back to my parents hometown, there was always people who would sit me down and tell me how prefect my parents are.
I hated being compared to them. They would ask me if I had anyone in my life no matter how little I knew them. They expected me to go down the same path as them.
Over he years it built up to me resenting my parents past. Don't get me wrong, I'm a hopeless romantic but its hard to love something when its constantly being shoved down your throat.
I told my dad that I found out Lucas's situation so he understood why I was spending so much time with him and his family. My mom was a little suspicious but didn't speak much about it when I was home.
The heels of my shoes came to a halt when I saw Maya sitting in one of the bay windows of the school. I sat down next to her and she smiled at me.
I wanted to tell her about Lucas and I but it was more complicated than I would have imagined.
It absolutely killed me inside.
Not being able to tell Maya in the way that was easy was just plain unacceptable. The fact that I couldn't tell my best friend that they guy that I have liked since the seventh grade would so ridiculous to anyone who didn't go to our school. Telling Farkle that I was dating Lucas felt more comfortable than telling Maya.
I brushed it off and tried to get the courage to ask Maya something that had always been on my mind. I already knew what answer she would give me. Nevertheless, I couldn't believe it. I've never known a time without Maya and I knew that tings were rough but I knew her. I knew when she was lying.
"Why'd you date Lucas?" I said snapping Maya out of her intense skimming of her new Vogue catalog. She inhaled a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. It was kind of a way for her to deflect the question.
"You know why I dated Lucas. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to make sure that Lucas was good enough for you." She replied hesitantly. She took her time on each page of her catalog. I could tell that she wasn't even reading what was on the pages.
We sat there for ten minutes and she never flipped the page. Her eyes were locked on her heels. I sat there impatient and waiting for an actual answer. I was pushing her farther away and I knew it but I couldn't go on without knowing everything.
"That's not the truth. I know you, Maya. Whatever it is you can tell me." I placed my hand on top of hers. It was the truth. I stayed up all night trying to think of every possible reason why she did it.
It was a little hypocritical of me when I also knew that what Lucas was saying was true but that didn't matter. I would work on him next.
Maya shut her magazine. She looked straight at me. Maya let go of my hand and pushed it away. It was something that she had never done before. Not going to lie, it terrified me. "You're not ready for the truth." She chuckled.
This was like a sick game for her. Well, two can play that game. "Lay it on me."
She paused. I don't think that she expected me to be this serious. I was sick of it. Everyone treating me like a child or like I couldn't handle the truth because of the innocence that my parents drilled into me.
"I told Lucas to pick me."
The words were like venom. Absolute poison to my whole being. She had the audacity to do something like that. What else has she done? What else has she done to me without my knowledge?
"You did what?" I dug my nails into my palm to keep from screaming in front of everyone. It was absolutely infuriating. Resisting the urge to slap her was something that proved to be extremely hard.
She sighed. I saw absolutely no sorrow or regret in her eyes. "I didn't want to loose you. I just-"
"You thought that dating Lucas would terminate our friendship? That is the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard." I cut her off. If we were in a cartoon this would probably be the part where smoke was coming out of my ears. My eyes would be on the floor next to me and my face would be as red as a tomato.
"I told Lucas to pick me. I told him that it was to protect you so he agreed. I knew how much he loved you and knew that he would agree as soon as I said your name." Maya looked down at her nails in disinterest.
"You are a psychopath. An absolute psychopath." I rolled my eyes.
Her laughed filled the empty hallways of our high school. "You don't see how I was protecting you from getting hurt. Although I was afraid to loose you I made sure that you wouldn't endure any heartbreak."
"That is the most stupidest thing that I have ever heard." I laughed along awkwardly. "I was heartbroken. The boy that I loved picked my best friend. Do you have any idea how much that destroyed me? I though that I wasn't good enough. I actually though that didn't matter in this world."
"Riles, I didn't know. I'm sorry, really really sorry that I put you through that." Maya shook her head and I saw a tear start to form in her eyes.
"You didn't know because I didn't feel comfortable telling you. I didn't feel like I could tell you. And twenty minutes ago I didn't feel comfortable telling you that Lucas and I are dating. This necklace is from his mother. I saw you eyeing it a minute ago and that's when I knew that I would have to tell you." I crammed in that last part really fast so that maybe she wouldn't understand me and I could pretend like what I said was something completely different.
"You didn't feel comfortable telling me?" She gasped. I know that I should be freaking out but I was just relieved that she didn't understand what I said about Lucas and I. "And you're dating Lucas?" Just when I thought that I could get away with it.
"Yes, and yes." I exhaled.
Maya stood up and grabbed my hands. "I'm... happy for you." I raised my eyebrow and she giggled. "No, I'm really happy for you. And I hope that we can get past all of this. I miss you. I miss talking to you about Josh and watching you get all freaked out when I call your uncle 'hot stuff.' I miss you, Riles. I really, really do."
I swung around and interlocked my arms with hers. "I miss you too. I have no one to talk to Lucas about besides Smacks and Farkley."
We walked down the steps together and stopped before entering my fathers classroom. "I know that it'll take a while before everything goes back to the way it was before but I can't wait for the day when you can talk about Lucas with me in a way where you are comfortable." I nodded and we entered my dads classroom.
My dad shook his head. "Welcome back girls, it's great to have you both back."
