Moving on.
It's best.
Believe me.
It's best.
Just think,
it's best.
"Why didn't you tell me about your mother." I slammed my book onto the cafeteria table. Lucas's mouth hung open as his spoon dropped into his bowl of cereal.
He cleared his throat and wiped off the milk mustache that decorated the skin around his lips. "What didn't I tell you about her?"
He reached for his spoon again and ate a bite of the knock off Honey Nut Cheerios slurping the last bit of milk on the spoon. "That she was- is sick, you neglected to tell me that she was sick."
Lucas once again dropped the spoon into his bowl and almost spit out the milk in his mouth. "Who told you that she was sick?"
"Parker stopped me before I left Saturday. Oh, thank you again for watching Auggie on Saturday. It meant a lot to me." Lucas- for a third time- attempted to eat his cereal but gave up on it. "You need someone to talk to. I'm here for you, I'm here for you."
"You weren't here for me when you decided to drop your brother off with me to hang out with your boyfriend." He spit out the last word like it was venom. It was like he was spitting out poison.
"I was actually spending time with Maya. Dave left while I was talking to Parker." I don;t know whether or not it helped that I was continuing a conversation about my boyfriend with a boy that was well, my best friends lover in some strange weird way but there was really no other way around it.
"You're talking to Maya? You're friends now?" He seemed to ignore the fact that I was basically telling him that my boyfriend drove off without me. I thought that maybe he would have rubbed it in my face or try to put his to sense into it but I guess that deep down, people are different from what you think.
"Yeah, were trying to get back to where our friendship use to be but that's beyond the point. You need someone to be there for you. You need someone to be there for you and for Parker when things get rough with your mom.
Your brother told me how he doesn't get to see your parents which means that you don't get to either. The world is forcing you to grow up faster then anyone should and you need someone to talk to when you feel like kicking a tree. When the whole world is crumbling beneath your finger tips, you need someone to be ready to pick you back up and I want to be that person.
I want to be that person who you call in the middle of the night crying and kicking and screaming so loud that I have to plug in my earphones to make sure that my parents can't hear me on the phone talking to you. As ridiculous as it sounds, I want to be your somebody."
Lucas turned his head and bit his bottom lip. "Everything that you just described is a girlfriend, Riles. You're Dave's girlfriend, not mines."
***
I sat in my next period feeling like I was drowning. I could practically feel Dave's eyes staring me down. He was sitting in the back from me. He tried to start a conversation but I smiled through it and nodded. He was kind of just white noise. Someone in the background.
As bad as it sounded, it couldn't be any more true. Telling myself that he wasn't was me just lying to myself.
On some degree I was thinking that at some point I would end up falling for Dave. There was nothing wrong with Dave, absolutely nothing.
He was sweet and caring and kind. He wanted what was best for me. He never hurt me or caused me pain of any kind. Dave was good, I liked good, I needed good and he was good.
The bell rang breaking me out of my thoughts about my feelings. I looked up and realized that I missed a whole lessons worth of notes but none of that seemed to matter. The only thing that mattered was Lucas's situation. All that mattered was that he was hurting and that I couldn't help him and it was eating me alive.
I made my choices. I chose to go out with Dave. When he asked me out on that date I chose to go with him. All of the choices that I made led up to this, Everything that I couldn't do was because I was trying to get over something- someone that I couldn't have. In the end I only ended up hurting myself more then I thought I was helping.
"You coming?" I heard Dave's voice chime in net to me.
I put on a mask that I created to show that I wasn't hurting. Someone always has it worse and I had to keep that in my mind. It was one of the only things keeping me from going insane.
"Yeah, I'll be out as soon as I'm done packing up." I tried to smiled wider which seemed to convince him just enough to give me space to grab my bag.
That was the thing, he didn't know me well enough to see that I was smiling through the pain. Whether it was Lucas, Maya, or Farkle, they knew when I was faking anything. I had to be honest with them because they would know that deep down, what I saying wasn't true.
Lies. Lies what was I was basing my relationship with Dave off of. I lied that I liked him and that I really wanted a relationship with him. Lying was the one thing I hated yet I couldn't stop it.
"Hey, you want to watch a movie at my house after school. We can get popcorn and pretzels from your mom's bakery before heading over to my house." Dave smiled as he picked up my bag and carried it for me.
He grabbed my hand and we walked out together. I saw Lucas out of the corner of my eye talking to Zay. In a way, was kind of like my world stopped. This was the life that I chose and I would have to live with it.
"Yeah, I would love that." I tore my gaze away from Lucas and walked down the hall with my boyfriend. Boyfriend, what a weird thing to say.
