New friends.
Old friends.
Those friends.
Her friends.
His friends.
My friends.
It was comforting being around Smackle. For some odd reason I loved how blatantly honest she was no matter how hurt I would be. If I needed anyone to confine in she would be my go to person. Of course there is the option of Maya or Farkle but I knew that they would dance around the subject before actually telling me what I needed to hear.
I grew very fond of Smackle. At first she was a little awkward and uncomforting but she grew into a really lovable human being. Although it was still hard for her to understand everything about human nature she tried her hardest, and that was all that I could ask for.
Smackle in a way was like my therapist. I often went t her house to discuss my issues and she would be more than happy to walk me through them. I sometimes ended up telling her more than I anticipated through. She was like Maya but more direct and honest. Feelings weren't Smackle's first priority. In a strange way the only time that feelings came first to her was when she was around Farkle.
"So you almost kissed?" She almost chocked on her water at my words. It almost sent me in tears, the fact that she almost lost all sanity because of something that almost happened.
"Almost isn't even the right word to describe it." I replied.
"How would you describe it?" I knew what Smackle was doing. She was trying to make me admit my feelings without actually realizing what I was doing. She learned it from one of her extra curricular classes.
"I don't know how I would describe it. It was very confusing. Almost like he would have kissed me but there was something in the way."
"You do know what is in the way, you just don't want to admit it to yourself." She smirked and got up to get us more water.
"I hate it when you are right, you know." I smiled and got up o help her.
"I know, but what I am saying is true. You know what is in the way yet you continue to deny it. You don't want to admit what you already know in fear that it would make you a bad friend."
"I think I know what I know." I tried to further convince myself that what I thought was true.
"But you don't. It is hard for you to admit how you feel even if its to your own self. You don't want to jeopardize anything but what you don't realize is that you are hurting yourself more than anyone else." Smackle didn't even look me in the eye. She filled our glasses and sat back down in her living room.
"I also think that I know how I feel." I was being stubborn again. I hated it when she was right.
"What else happened?" She asked.
"There was that thing that happened yesterday." I tried to keep it on the down low about yesterday but I felt like I had to open up to somebody.
"What thing?" Smackle almost jumped out of her seat as she hung on my ever last word.
"I ran into them at my mom's place yesterday. They were in a middle of a date which I probably destroyed. Maya thinks that I like Lucas and made her thoughts quite evident." I said.
"She thinks, or she knows?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well she is your best friend-"
"It's not like she has been acting like one lately." I cut her off.
"Neither have you."
"I know I haven't but neither has she. We both haven't been the best of friends lately." I admitted.
"Lucas is tearing you apart."
"How? He isn't even doing anything." I was confused. I didn't know how Lucas could be tearing us apart when he wasn't even trying to get in between us.
"Not Lucas physically, but he is the reason why you are fighting. All your life Maya has wanted what you have whether or not she admits it. "
"But she told me yesterday that she has never wanted what I have ever had." I looked back on our conversation yesterday hanging on and trying to remember what she said word by word.
"Someone can tell you something and not mean it, Riley. Maya has wanted what you have. If you think about it, you had a better life. You had a family and she didn't, or she didn't think that she did. She had a mother who she resented because her mother tried to cover for her father. You have always had what she wanted. Family and friends, she wanted a great life. The life that you had."
"Had?" I questioned.
"She got what you wanted." Smackle was starting to confuse me even more. How did she get what I wanted? What would Maya possibly want that I had?
"She shares your friends and your family. If you think about it, Maya went to your parents for everything before Shawn came into her life. Then when Shawn came into her life she had a family, just like you. That leaves Lucas. You guys have always shared everything which in a way is bad. You liked a boy and she ended up liking the same one. You two are completely different people with different personalities and characteristics yet you end up liking the same guy. How is that possible?" Smackle concluded.
For some odd reason everything that Smackle was saying made sense. Maya and I did share everything from clothes to family. We always wanted each other to go thought the same experiences so maybe that's what we did. Maybe we took it too far, maybe we did share each others experiences. Maybe even so far that along the way we got confused and took what each other had.
