Killing him.
Growing up.
Daddy's girl.
Old life.
Many tears.
Love you.
The only thing that I could think of all class was how Maya could live with herself after what she did for me. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to forgive her but I couldn't do that wholeheartedly.
Telling Maya that I would forgive her or at least work on forgiving her was the truth. Although skipping down the hallway with our arms interlocked was an over exaggeration.
I was raised in a world where forgiveness was your best friend. Living with a Topanga made you realize that sometimes you just have to forgive and forget but in this case, I don't know if I could ever forgive Maya for what she did.
Okay, not forgiving Maya and forgiving Lucas is hypocritical. It was all confusing. I think that it was because I knew that on some level I wasn't going to be the one for Lucas but I always knew that I would have a best friends shoulder to cry on if I wasn't good enough.
I guess that I was wrong.
The bell rang when I looked up at my fathers board realizing that I missed all of his notes. One of the perks of having your father as your teacher was the fact that you could just get all of the notes at home.
He came over to my desk and looked down at my blank notebook. He shook his head and motioned for me to go over to his desk.
I walked over as I saw Lucas packing up my stuff for me. "What's he doin'?" My dad pointed at Lucas. Lucas and I both laughed as my fathers face turned a deep shade of red. He started gripping his desk as Zay popped up in the window behind us.
Zay shot me two thumbs up and then ducked back down. Maya and Farkle appeared next and mouthed 'good luck.' My dad snapped around as Zay pulled both of my friends down to the floor.
My dad shook his head in confusion. Lucas started walking out the door with my bag. "Uh uh." My dad pointed at Lucas. Lucas, who by the way looked absolutely terrified, walked up to my dad and I.
"You two, huh?" My dad scowled.
"Zay." Lucas whispered and rubbed the back of my hand. It was my new favorite thing of his. A complete wave of calmness washed over me.
"Yeah, him. He's my new favorite friend of yours, Riles." My dad smiled as if he 'detective' skills that he bragged about basically every night at dinner. He claimed to be the schools best detective when really he goes into work at seven and hears all of the latest gossip from Zay.
I rolled my eyes. "You have a new favorite friend of mines like ever week. Two weeks ago it was Smackle because she brought you donuts which by the way were intended to buy your affection for the lead on the next debate."
My dad gasped in horror. His hand clutched his chest. "And then last week when you wanted me and Lucas to be together because you wanted me to be there for him and now I am." My dad gripped his shirt even harder.
"But I didn't think that it would actually happen!" He yelped. "You couldn't cut the tension between you two with the world strongest and sharpest knife! I wanted you together when I knew that you would be stubborn enough not to do it. You're my little girl. Boys are not a part of a little girls life."
I let go of Lucas's hand and replaced it with my dads. "I will always be your little girl but to the rest of the world I'm just another teenager who thinks that she knows what shes doing. I like him, daddy. I like him so much."
It was hard to day something like that to my dad. Someone who I looked up to. Someone who I wanted to be proud of me. Telling him something that I knew would break him on the inside.
Hurting his feelings was something that I would never intend to do. It killed me inside to watch his face go from confusion to a bank expression.
This was me growing up. This was me being my own person and as much as it hurt my dad it felt so damn good.
"I'm growing up, dad. It's not like I haven't had a boyfriend before." I tried using a playful tone of voice. Maybe it would soften up his painful look on his face.
"But you didn't look at him the way that you have look at Lucas since the day you met." My dad sniffed and tried to control his emotions. "I know that you don't want to hear this from me especially because I'm your dad but I see you in me. I see the way that he treats you and how your eyes just light up when that one walks into the room." He pointed at Lucas once again.
"I finally know how my parents felt when your mom ran away to be with me years ago." My dad laughed.. "They were terrified. They thought that we were just some kids who thought that they knew the meaning of love and that's exactly how I feel about the both of you.
Except that I know how it feels like to have the world think that you are just some stupid kids in a relationship that'll end in a few weeks. I know how that feels and that's why I know that I need to stop thinking of you as my little girl because you're not a little girl anymore, you are a grown woman. Someone who I look forward to watch grow up even more.
In my mind you will always be that same little girl who would parade her way down the steps into our living room with a microphone in her hand. You're the same girl who would belt out Disney songs at the top of her lungs even when your mom told you to quiet down.
I know that you've grown but I hope that even though you're growing up and letting new people into your life that there will always be a piece of that little girl with you. And I also hope that there will always be a special place for your dad in your heart."
Gosh was I a mess. I basically buried myself into my dad. I swear that I saw Lucas tearing up from the corner of my mind. I was drenching his shirt with my tears just like how a little girl would.
Eventually I had to let go of him. Once I let go of him I buried myself into Lucas who calmed my whole being. The bell rang and I grabbed my bag from Lucas.
The class started to fill up so I hugged my dad. I started walking out of the room when I looked back at my dad.
"I love you, dad." I smiled.
He smiled back at me. "I love you too, Riles."
