The Actor Madness: Asylum [COMPLETED]

Chapter XIII (I Hate You, I Love You)

Los Angeles, April 14th 2017

Roderick's Point Of View

It's almost a year since I last saw Jordan who now is known as Elliott.

He always was a troubled boy. I remember our times together, he would lure me and then push me away. 

He has this darkness inside of him that doesn't allow him to have just one personality. 

He's too moody, changes his personality really quick and is prone to fight with everybody.

Jordan, because that's the way I knew him, always liked to start fights between people and then play the angel card. 

He seemed so interesting at the beginning.

Man how I fell in love with him.

He was so fragile yet very ambitious and determined. He knows a lot, he is very smart. 

He is beautiful and has this magnetism that pulls people near him. You could listen to him even saying the random nonsense stuff for hours. 

He could capture your attention and make you believe in him and listen to him with joy and great attention.

But he has his dark side, as we all have. I do have some too. 

But his dark side is powerful and slowly took control of his good side and he soon became an awful person. 

The guy I fell in love and liked to be as a friend soon was gone.

People always judge me for not being more compassionate towards him. 

But it's hard to fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. 

It's hard to put a glass shattered person together, eventually you'll wound yourself.

Do I regret not going after him? Not wanting to know more about his life?

I actually do not. I'm in a place that doesn't allow to have such negative force to surround me. 

And I actually went after him. Two times and each time end up tragically.

Should I try again?! Maybe not. He is in an asylum.

Well this is the time when I should actually see him. Because he needs it the most. 

I always liked to think that we should help people when they're mean or in bad situations because that's when they most need help.

New York is big and there's plenty asylums there. Well I guess I should call Sam, he must know something about Jordan.

I call Sam.

Roderick (on the phone) – Waddup Sam!

Roderick (on the phone) – Yes I'm doing awesome, what about you?

Roderick (on the phone) – I want to know about Jordan. How is he?

Roderick (on the phone) – Well to me is Jordan, I won't call him Elliott. Which asylum is he hospitalized in?

Roderick (on the phone) – Calm down bro, I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend. He was my friend way before meeting you so slow down.

Roderick (on the phone) – On down Manhattan?! What's the name?

Roderick (on the phone) – Serenity Heights Psychiatric Hospital?! Okay thank you.

Roderick (on the phone) – Bye!

How clingy he is, Jordan is my friend. So now that he is dating Sam he can't have friends?! How stupid is that.

Well I'm going to the train station and I'll get a ticket for New York, like for now.

I don't like planes that much. If I have to go on them in a trip I will but I prefer trains or cars. To me they're safer.

In the train trip I'm remembering the times I had together with Jordan.

It were bittersweet moments. Sometimes we hated each other, other times we loved/liked each other. 

We would fight and then would be alright with each other. 

We did a few things together and we even got a secret thing. It was derived of something we had in common.

We would argue a lot about society and its problems. We even promised to be us against the world. 

Cliché maybe. But we were really thinking of bringing the change we agreed the world needed. 

It sure would be us against the world, but in the end it was the world against us.

We fell apart without saying goodbye to each other. No goodbyes, no last words. 

Our last moment was just us in a library looking at each other across the room. Then he moved to New York to study at NYU and I stayed in Los Angeles.

I went on trips to many countries. I like to discover the world and to travel. 

I went on a search for jobs because I didn't want to go to college even though my parents wanted me to. I'm working as a bartender.

But that won't be my career forever, I aspire to work on a library. 

I don't set goals, I go with flow, whatever life brings me I accept it.

Because setting goals is wishing for something to happen that you will stress that so much that it won't come true.

I didn't fight neither opposed Jordan's point of view towards setting goals. God, he is the master of setting goals. 

He actually spent the entire high school time setting goals.

He achieved the ones he set to come true at high school time. Well he achieved the other ones too. 

Like going to New York and studying at NYU and be successful.

He just didn't achieve one goal. Dating his crush. That would be me.

Well I don't label myself so I can't tell if I'm bisexual or homosexual but I did fell in love with him. 

I did try to get intimate with him, by this I mean, hugging him or holding his hand. But he would always refuse those things and push me away. 

I guess he was scared to commit, to be open about his sexual orientation at school.

I'm happy that now he found someone. Someone who loves him and can keep up with his bitchy side. 

He's really hard to love or cope with but he is worth of that. Not everyone can cope with him. I'm happy for him.

I just hoped that we could be together again because I haven't forget about him ever since we fell apart. 

I don't know if he knows about that, but I never forgot about him.

I hope I can visit him at the asylum and that after his recovery he will at least be my friend.