The Quiet Voice | Complete

Chapter 3

Watching her little sister become more ill each day, as she became stronger, was the most difficult thing that Chelsea ever had to do. She was only eight and needed to be mature beyond her years, trying to be strong and not cry every time she sat next to Angela's bedside or heard her whimpering in her sleep in the early hours of the morning.

Angela was getting weaker with every breath, every heartbeat. "Hey Little Sis," Chelsea said, trying to bring some cheer to Angela. "I've been thinking about our first prank we can pull when we get out of this place." Chelsea knew that a little white lie wouldn't be frowned upon too much, for what she was really thinking about was how she couldn't go on without her other half. She couldn't imagine a life without Angela, it wasn't an option she ever thought she'd have to consider. They were meant to spend each day of the rest of their lives together. They'd grow old together, their husbands would be best friends and even their children would be best friends. Losing each other was never part of the plan. How could this be happening now? Why, when everything was so perfect?

But Angela just laid there quietly, so small and pale in her huge hospital bed. Her heart monitor's beeping the only response to Chelsea's forced cheerfulness. Angela's hand was so small in Chelsea's. So pale and innocent. What Chelsea wouldn't give to be holding that hand while running in the park or playing Ring-a-Rosie, instead of praying constantly for a miracle. They should be playing dress-up or hiding from Angela's brothers in the garden. Rolling on soft green lawns, not staring at the stark white walls of the hospital room. They should be smelling roses and jasmine bushes, not disinfectant. Promising anything to God for her to be able to take Angela's place and relieve her family of the torture and pain they were going through. All she would be doing was replacing one family's pain for another's. But when you're only eight years old you don't think of those things. You only think of the immediate pain suffered by those that you love, those that you'd give anything to protect.

Each night, after the nurses did their last rounds giving out medication, before turning the ward lights off, Chelsea quietly snuck into Angela's bed. She had to be really careful not to make too much noise, but it was a bit difficult to quietly let the side railings of the bed down before she got in and became the big spoon to Angela's little spoon. For only when she was lying next to Angela could Chelsea imagine for even the slightest moment that all was fine again. That they were back home in one of their bedrooms, instead of this terrible place.

Their conversations, while spooning, were usually whispered giggles of memories of all the naughty things they got up to, keenly planning some future ones. Angela's two older brothers were usually the main victims of their plots. But they always knew that it was done in love, for no one ever got hurt. The other plots usually involved the poor innocent cat, Sir Mittens, who usually sat proudly in Angela's doll pram dressed in the outfit of the day that Angela picked out for him. It was adorable to see how quietly he'd lay still, while being dressed in Angela's old baby clothes and being pushed around in her doll's pram.

In the bravest voice she could muster, Angela said: "I'm scared." Afraid that her crazy beating heart would give away just how afraid she really was.

"Me too" admitted Chelsea in the dark and quiet room.

"Do you think that Jesus will fetch me soon? Take me away from you, Mommy, Daddy, Timothy and Thomas?" Tears rolled down Angela's brave face as she searched Chelsea's face for hope.

Her parents didn't realise that she wasn't sleeping that afternoon when the doctor came in to check on her, giving her parents the heart-breaking news that further testing showed that the medication wasn't having any effect on her illness.

"I don't know" replied Chelsea, dying with each heartbeat, "but I did ask Him that if He was coming for you, that He'd please take me too. You see, I'm not ready to be without you Little Sis. I don't think I'll ever be. I can't live without you by my side... I just can't."

Angela was quiet for a moment, trying to find a way to lighten the burden on Chelsea. She sensed all the guilt that she carried. Guilt that she'd be going home tomorrow with her family and Angela wouldn't.

"You need to please be brave for me," Angela sniffed, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand; trying so hard not to break down and release all the tears just threatening to break free.

"I need you to look after my cat. Sir Mittens will be very afraid when I'm not there to dress him in his warm PJs at bedtime." Angela giggled, but Chelsea knew that this was just her way of trying to lighten the mood. This was her way of trying to ease the pain that was eating away at both of their hearts.

"I, Chelsea, do hereby solemnly promise to feed, dress, cuddle and protect one Sir Mittens the cat." Chelsea put on the weirdest accent that she could, even though her heart was breaking. "I promise to continuously torture Timothy and Thomas, to the best of my abilities... only until you're home again Little Sis, then we'll torture them together!"

Angela, trying to keep her giggles as quiet as possible, said: "You do know that you are one crazy little girl, hey? It's one of the main reasons that I love you so much. That and the fact that I know that even when I'm gone, you'll still love me as much as you do right at this very second... maybe even a bit more."

Chelsea didn't leave Angela's bed until she knew she was fast asleep and that the nurses would soon be doing their rounds.

Lying there in the dark with Angela, all she could do was pray that the night would never end.

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This was the most difficult chapter I've ever written.  So many tears went into this that I lost count.  Even though this story is fiction, there is a huge amount that is fact.  Facts drawn from my own life...from my own pain...from my own struggles.  Yes, Angela will live on forever in my heart and I will think of her each and every time that I lay eyes on my beautiful daughter, knowing that she was never given the privilege to have one of her own.  I love you A, now and forever. xxx