The Quiet Voice | Complete

Chapter 16

Chelsea returned home, grieving. Her life seemed perfect, just a few hours ago, but now she couldn't see past today.

How was she going to tell Jonathan that she'd lost their baby? His little princess was gone.

She spent the rest of the day in her bedroom. Crying and praying. Looking for answers to the cruel joke being played on her, spending most of the time in denial. The doctor had to be wrong.

Jonathan arrived home to find her sitting in their bedroom having a cup of tea. "Hello Babes", he greeted as soon as he entered, before looking at her tear streaked face. "What's wrong Chelsea?" he asked as he rushed to her side of the bed. "Is it our baby?"

Chelsea carefully put her cup and saucer down on the table next to her and took a deep breath before looking at Jonathan. "Well, I went to the doctor today for my check-up," she was trying so hard to be brave, "but it didn't go as well as I thought it would." Chelsea had to stop to steady herself before uttering her next few words. "We lost our princess." Chelsea could almost hear his heart shatter as the words she spoke left her mouth and reached his ears.

"It can't be," Jonathan was speaking more to himself than Chelsea as he sat there looking at the floor shaking his head from side to side. "This can't be happening to us."

Chelsea wrapped him in her arms and was unable to stop the tears that escaped from her eyes, yet again, as she whispered, "I'm so sorry my love," in his ear.

Jonathan turned to Chelsea, "are you sure that she's gone?" His eyes pleading with her to say that it wasn't true.

"Yes. The doctor tried everything, but she couldn't find a heartbeat. I asked if I'd done something wrong, but she assured me that this just happens sometimes." Chelsea instinctively held her stomach while speaking to Jonathan. It was something that she'd been doing for so many weeks now that it felt natural.

Jonathan and Chelsea spent the rest of the evening trying to come to grips with the loss of their baby. In their minds, they'd already seen her taking her first step, growing up laughing and playing in the garden, attending her first day at school, going to her first dance, graduating, getting married and having a family of her own. They just couldn't understand why this had happened to them.

Jonathan secretly wondered if he was being punished for having an affair with Mila, but he dare not mention that to Chelsea. That bit of information he will take with him to his grave.

Even though the gynae had explained that this sometimes happened for no known reason, Chelsea still decided to go and have a fertility test done. She needed to be completely sure that it wasn't her fault, that they could try again and it would have a different outcome.

Jonathan agreed with Chelsea's decision and they both decided to be tested. He would try anything if it made her happy. He also knew deep down in his heart that Chelsea was in so much pain, but she refused to let him in.

Chelsea's doctor was fully booked for months in advance and therefore had no immediate appointments available. They opted to wait two months before they could meet with one of the other gynaecologists specialising in fertility.

This suited Chelsea just fine. She needed time to come to grips with what had happened. She needed time to grieve and time to heal.

She knew that she wasn't trying to replace her baby. She knew that if she rushed into the fertility testing that she wouldn't get the proper closure that she needed.

By the time their appointment with the specialist arrived, they were both feeling more positive about trying again. Chelsea knew that it wasn't her fault and after a lot of soul-searching realised just how much she wanted to be a mother.

They both had blood work done, along with other tests. It all seemed so clinical to Chelsea, which saddened her, but she kept positive through it all and kept thanking God for the baby that He was going to bless them with.

Chelsea realised, while having quiet time, that going through the loss of her baby had brought her closer to God. At least one good thing had come out of this, she smiled to herself.

They had to wait for 48 hours for the results of their tests. Chelsea was so nervous that she checked the phone every half an hour.

She was so surprised when the phone eventually rang that she didn't know what to do. She looked at Jonathan, who gave her a reassuring nod to answer the call. He was just as nervous, but was trying to stay calm for them both.

Jonathan watched her face as she spoke to the doctor. She was fine in the beginning, but then turned away so that her back faced him. He had no idea what the doctor was saying on the other side of the phone and couldn't see Chelsea's face, so he patiently waited until the call ended.

Chelsea eventually ended the call, but didn't turn back around to face Jonathan. She didn't know how to give him the results, she was too afraid.

Jonathan lovingly placed his hand on her shoulder and gently pulled her around to face him. When he saw her face, he knew something was amiss. "What did the doctor say? Is everything okay?"

Chelsea's eyes dropped down to look at her hands, which were once again instinctively on her stomach, and answered "they ran so many different tests and three specialists reviewed the results. It will never happen... I can't have children."

The results hit Jonathan like a ton of bricks. "What?" was all that he could get out after Chelsea had dropped the bomb on him. "We'll never have children?!"

"No... I'll never be able to carry to term," whispered Chelsea and only then did the words sink in. She would never be a mother.

The results caught Jonathan completely off-guard. He wanted a family of at least three children and now he finds out that he won't even have one.

He didn't think that Chelsea saw the disappointment on his face, but she did. She also saw the loveless look he gave her before he left their bedroom, got into his car and drove off.

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Thank you for sharing another chapter in Chelsea's journey with me. I hope you enjoyed it. This chapter is dedicated to my twin nieces Leeanne and Tiffany who were "Gift" babies. We thank Our Lord each day for them. Love you girls to the moon and back xxx

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