The Quiet Voice | Complete

Chapter 20

He wants a divorce.

Chelsea tried her best to put on a brave face, even though she was dying inside. She could not understand why Jonathan had decided to leave her to be with Mila. Was it because of Abigail or did he genuinely love Mila more than he loved her?

Please God, help me! I feel as if I'm dying.

And for the first time she heard a reply. It was not a booming voice shaking her to her core. It was a soft reassuring voice which immediately filled her with unconditional love and peace.

Be patient my child. My will be done, God whispered to her soul.

"I'm so sorry if I led you on Chelsea." Chelsea could sense Jonathan's genuine pain. "It was never my plan to hurt you. Things between Mila and I just kind of happened," confessed Jonathan as he reached across the table for Chelsea's hand.

God, what must I do? Prayed Chelsea, pleading for God to show her what she should do next. I feel so lost and alone... my world is falling apart.

"Did you ever love me, Jonathan?" Chelsea asked softly.

"Yes, I did, Chelsea... I really did," Jonathan replied, sounding as if his voice was going to break at any moment.

"Then why did you not tell me about Abigail and continued with the affair?... I need to know Jonathan."

"Oh Chelsea... Babes... I did not continue to see Mila. I gave her money each month for Abigail, but I did not see her... well not straight away... we only started seeing each other again after you lost our baby..."

"What?! Oh, you are not going to pin that on me! Make me feel guilty for losing our baby, and that's reason enough for you to flee into the arms of another woman. I don't think so Jonathan! And don't ever call me Babes again!"

Jonathan had never seen Chelsea this angry, and thought of a way to calm her down. "Chelsea, I really thought I could be a good husband to you, and that we could make it work... and that I'll forget about Mila... but I just couldn't. I'm so sorry."

Oh Lord, please help me, I am going to fall apart. Guilt... all I feel is guilt. How can this be my fault?

Chelsea felt her heart break all over again, the same as it did when Angela died. She felt guilty then too, and she vowed never to let someone into her heart again. But she did, and Jonathan shattered it. But she refused to feel guilty. And God, always true to His word, helped Chelsea with her reply and gave her the strength and words she prayed for.

"This is not my fault, Jonathan... I will not let you make me feel guilty," said Chelsea calmly.

"But I just meant...," Jonathan tried to interrupt.

"Jonathan, it's fine, you do not have to explain anymore... Sometimes people come into your life for a season," she said to Jonathan, holding his hand and looking him in the eyes, feeling stronger than she had in days. "Maybe our season has simply come to an end. We can't tell our hearts who to fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants. I hope that you and Mila are truly happy and that you can be a happy family with Abigail."

Chelsea's heart broke with each word, but she knew that the words were not her own. They were from the Lord. She needed to set Jonathan free. If he was hers then he would come back to her, if not, then God would give her the strength to carry on.

As soon as Chelsea's heart set Jonathan free, she felt a weight lifted from her shoulders. She knew that God was in control and she knew that He was working a miracle. Yes, it was hard for her to set Jonathan free. Yes, it was hard for her to think that he and Mila would be a family with Abigail, but she knew in her heart of hearts that is was the right thing to do. God had a plan and she had to be patient.

They spent the next two hours just chatting, opened up their hearts and shared their feelings which had been wrapped up for so long. Chatting about everyday things and important heart-to-heart things. They found a way to speak openly to each other, being more honest than they ever had before. Honest about their dreams, fears and most importantly regrets.

By the time Jonathan left, Chelsea knew that what had happened between him and Mila was not planned. They didn't mean for things to happen, they just took a wrong turn in the road. Choices in life aren't always black or white, sometimes some grey options jump into the mix and unfortunately for Chelsea they had opted for the grey option.

Chelsea watched Jonathan walk down her garden path and start his car, before closing the door behind him. How could the perfect evening she had planned turn out so different? Her plan was foolproof, he didn't stand a chance against all the details that she had spent so much painstaking time planning. The one obstacle, which she hadn't taken into account, was God and His plans for both her and Jonathan.

Chelsea cleared the table in the garden, did the dishes and made herself a hot cup of camomile tea. She turned off all the house lights, walked through the dark house to the backyard and sat in the dark on her back porch watching the stars.

God, what have I done wrong? She asked out loud, heartbreak as clear as day in her voice. I gave him everything that he asked for. I put his life and needs before mine. I lived where he wanted to live. I dressed how he wanted me to dress. But still that wasn't enough to keep him.

Bottled up tears, threatening all night to escape, eventually found their way down her cheeks. There was no need for her to wipe them away. No one was there. No one was watching. No one cared.

Chelsea cried unashamedly for what felt like hours before she felt the gentle presence of God. "You are not always in control my child. You cannot hold yourself to blame for the choices of others. Lay your grief before My feet and let Me heal your heart. Put Me first and I will show you the way. Let Me lead you down the path of your future. Submit to Me my child. Lean on your Father. I will be your strength when you are weak."

Chelsea locked up the house, closed the windows and washed her tea cup before going upstairs. She walked past the fully decorated nursery, intending to carry on past until her bedroom, but instead stopped and opened the door.

Seeing the untouched room filled with dreams, filled with hopes, filled with what could have been, made her think of Jonathan and the memories that he would now make with Abigail. Even though she didn't wish any harm to Abigail, there was a huge part of her begging to know why she couldn't have the opportunity to be a mother. Why was she being punished?

She crossed the dark room and made her way to the rocking chair in the corner, next to the crib. She picked up the pink ballerina teddy, held it close to her chest and slowly sat down. Without even thinking about it, she slowly rocked the chair back and forth, trying to picture what her life would have been like had she carried her child to full term.

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God works in ways that don't always make sense to us, but He knows best and His timing is perfect. Now we find ourselves at the beginning of Chelsea's story. Oh what a wonderful future God has in plan for her.

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