Supernatural Imagines X Reader

Hope

A/N: This happens right when Sam and Dean go to heaven and see Ash again and meet Joshua... So just read it with that story in mind.
.....
"Cas." Your heart broke a little at the thought of what he was going through.
"To say that he's taken it badly would be an understatement." Sam replied and you bit your lip in thought.
Sam had just told you about him and Dean going to heaven and talking to Joshua. It had been a lot for you to take in, so you wondered how the hell Cas could be taking it.
"I'll talk to him." You said as you grabbed your phone to call him and Sam nodded and left.
"You called?" Cas literally stumbled into you, so you had to catch him, his face inches away from yours.
"Cas." You frowned slightly as you walked him over to the couch and laid him down on it."What happened?"
"I'm on a bender." He replied as he rubbed his temples.
You stared at him for a few moments.
"You can't do this Cas, not to me, and definitely not to Sam or Dean." You fought back the lump in your throat.
"Do what?"he sat up and studied you.
"Lose hope." You helplessly threw your hands in the air.
"Father isn't going to help, there's no point in hope." He explained logically.
"That's not the point Cas, you're an angel. You're supposed to be good and pure and I don't know." You stopped mid-sentence and closed your eyes. It was hard to explain to him why hope didn't matter. Humans just pushed, even in helpless situations.
"Seeing you like this hurts us all Cas. This is going to sound selfish, but I'm going to say it anyways. I've always been the strong one, Sam and Dean have had to be like that too. When we meet people we have to keep them whole and that's exhausting, but we do it to spare them. Maybe I hadn't realized it before, but, we've all been leaning on you since meeting you. You're an angel, you're the one we get our strength from and when we see you just give up and drink and become self destructive we wonder why we're still doing this. We need to keep doing this, helping people is all we have left." You paused as tears ran down your face."We feel physical pain seeing you, just fizzle out like this and I, for one, can't be feeling that, I need to stay motivated and I can't when you're just a shell of who you used to be. So please, for us, come back, and as the normal you." You had no idea if you were even making sense anymore, but you had to get that out.
You hadn't realised how much you'd relied on Cas to stay being a literal teddy bear until he started being more human, less beautifully pure and more destructive.
"I'm sorry Y/N. I didn't realise that you'd felt that way." Cas said earnestly and you tried to work a smile onto your face, it felt more like a grimace.
"Prove it." You dared him and he nodded, making your heart feel a thousand times lighter.