Intentional But Unbelievable (Jalex)

You're A Saint

Jack's POV

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I honestly hadn't wanted to walk away from Alex. I had wanted to stay in that room forever and just be with him. The way he'd smile at me in the dark. I knew he'd probably hate me when he found out who I was. Really, it was a matter of time before he figured it out. I just hoped he didn't figure out in an awful way, like mid-kiss.

But until he'd begin to hate me, I still got to watch him arrive to class, usually ten minutes late, and watch him sit down in those always skin-tight jeans of his. I still got to hang out with him and we'd talk about class, food, memories, and stuff we'd like to do.

"I really would like to get married one day." Alex said to me one afternoon. We'd been in my dorm room, eating lunch together and really just hanging out.

"To me? Why, Alex, don't you think it's a little too soon for that?" I teased. He laughed and flicked me off.

"I mean, one day, to somebody. It could be you, and it could be someone else." He said to me with a roll of his eyes. I couldn't imagine being married to Alex. That'd be, too much. I mean, yes, I liked him a lot, but getting go wake up next to him? And getting to be with him when he was sad or really happy? I couldn't imagine it. I found Alex to be far too good for me to actually seeing him lower himself to be with me. And unless he wanted to, I wouldn't ask him to.

"I never thought about marriage too much. It's just been one of those things that's expected of me, ya know?"

"Yeah, sadly, I do. But I like the thought that you can be with someone forever." He shrugged. "I've always been a hopeless romantic."

"That's cute. I'd be with one person forever, if they wanted and I loved then enough."

"Why wouldn't they want to, Jack? You're not as big a douchbag as you may think."

"Psssh. You're just a kind soul, willing to overlook my douchbagary."

"Well, I see someone needs to be complimented more often. You know, I've always liked your hair." He reached across the table and grabbed at my hair, tangling his fingers through it. A look passed over his face and he retracted.

"It's soft." He muttered, almost to himself. I dropped my head a little. What if he'd figured it out, what if he knew I was J? Oh, God, he'd run away and never want to see me again. "Hey, so have you heard about our history teacher falling down the stairs yesterday?" And we continued on like that. If Alex knew, he didn't give a hint of it away. I was safe...for now.

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I had a date with Alex. Well, not really a date. Me and him, as in him and J, had agreed to meet in room 104 again and listen to the new Fall Out Boy album together. I felt bad for deceiving Alex, but, I really wasn't. The clues were all out there, buy at the same time, I went out of my way to keep him somewhat in the dark. Was I in the wrong? Perhaps. I had to tell someone. Even if it was just to see if I was wrong or not about how I was going about things.

So I figured that it was either Matt or Rian. Rian wouldn't tell anyone but wouldn't be very sympathetic. Matt would and could possibly tell someone, but would be very sympathetic and would offer some advice. But since I didn't want anyone knowing, I went with Rian. My feelings just wouldn't be allowed to be hurt.

"You're fucking kidding right?" Rian asked me after I'd told him what had been going on with me and Alex.

"No, I'm not. But am I doing the wrong thing?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"Yes, Jack, you are. You need to tell him the truth. Because you might be messing with his feelings. He might like the one side of you and not the other."