Intentional But Unbelievable (Jalex)

Baby Don't Yell

Jack's POV

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I was frantically trying to find Matt. I can't believe that Alex thought of me to help him search for, for lack of a different word, myself. I kept debating whether I should really even attempt to talk to Matt. Because, if I even began to describe J to him, he'd know I was talking about myself. And knowing Matt, he'd know something was up and would demand more information. Then the brightest idea came to mind.

I'd go talk to Matt, have a cup of coffee, and then just tell Alex that Matt had no idea who I was talking about. But that'd be lying, and I already felt bad enough for somewhat lying to Alex already. He was so close to the answer, for God's sake, he was asking me to help him. Why the boy was so blind to it, I have no idea. So I wandered around campus half-looking for Matt. I mean, if I found him, that'd be okay, I wouldn't lie to Alex anymore. I couldn't deceive him anymore. Seeing how deeply he did care for me, made me realize that I was really gonna hurt him. And I wasn't even meaning to. I just-Fuck! I had wanted him so badly. I had wanted to be able to kiss those pink lips of his and pull him close with no regrets. I had wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, and hear him tell me that I meant a lot to him as well. But that couldn't happen because I was a fucking idiot and had screwed everything up. I'd given him this not completely real person and he'd began to fall for them. Not to mention the fact that I'd had sex with him didn't help any.

What had I been fucking thinking? My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out to see a text from Rian. I opened the message.

'Hey, Alex is going around asking if anyone's heard of this guy, and I'm assuming it's J he's asking about? Yeah, he's talking to Matt and Vinny right now. Get down here, the  second floor of our building.' I took a deep breath and began running back to our building, hoping to get there before either Matt or Vinny had the chance to tell Alex that he really was looking for me. I bumped into numerous people, hollering sorry's over my shoulder as I passed. I just had to get there.

Panting hard, I'd reached the end of the hall. I could see Matt, Vinny and Alex all laughing about something. I tried to regain my composure and walked over to them.

"Hey, guys." I said as calmly as I could muster. Alex smiled at me.

"See, I found Matt, you wanna ask him if-" Alex began but I cut him off.

"I need to talk to you, Alex." I told him. "Alone." He blushed a little and glanced at Matt and Vinny.

"Hey, we get it. We won't cock-block." Vinny said already beginning to turn around.

"It's not like that." Alex told him. Vinny laughed.

"You don't have to explain it to me." Vinny waved to us. "See ya'll later." Matt followed close behind him. Alex pouted at me.

"What the hell, Jack? Did you even search for Matt?" Alex asked me edgily. "You said you understood how important this is to me."

"I do. Alex. I need to ask you something." I said to him. He waited, an irritated pout on his face. "Go out with me."

"The fuck? No, Jack! You know I don't have feelings for you." He told me. I nodded. I needed to hear why he wouldn't go out with me, but would have sex with me with the lights off and my face covered.

"And why not?" I asked him quietly. He sighed.

"Jack, I'm not doing this."

"Tell me."

"Jack-"

"Goddammit, Alex. Tell me why I disgust you! Tell me why I'm not good enough!"

"What are you-"

"I'm not helping you anymore. I can't, okay, Alex. It hurts too much."

"Because I won't go out with you? Jack? It's nothing personal."

"Yes, it is." I could feel the tears coming and I needed to get out of there, and soon. "Just...you'll understand soon enough." I walked away from him, the tears falling down my face before I could even take a step away from him.

I was crying silently into my pillow, my head throbbing from the weight of my tears. I felt like a piece of me had broken off and walked away. But then again, I'd made myself feel like this. I'd made Alex say those things to me. I knew that there was probably more bad to me than good. But the moments I'd spent with Alex in the dark, kissing him lazily, was enough to make me forget my bad qualities. Even if it was just for a few hours. I missed him, and I'd been the one to walk away. And that simple fact made me cry even harder.

"Hey, bud, how'd things go with Alex?" Rian asked sitting on the edge of my bed. I sniffled. "Oh, what happened?"

"He hates me! Not J, but me." I rolled over and looked up at Rian. "He's gonna hate me even more when he finds out the truth." I coughed and wiped at my eyes.

"Alex likes you, he doesn't hate you. C'mon, Jack. I've seen how you two are when you're together." Rian assured me, he rubbed my back comfortingly.

"But to him, we're just friends. The thing that hurts the most is the fact that all the clues are in front of him. He's just choosing to not see them."

"Or maybe he really just doesn't see them. You want me to help him see them?"

"No. No. Maybe it's best that he never knows."

"I won't let that happen. I'm sorry, Jack, but you're far too strung out on this guy for me to just let you both walk away from this. I don't know all the details, but I promise you, he doesn't hate you, and I'll fix this."

"Rian, you really shouldn't do anything. Me and him are meant to only be friends."

"Bullshit." He stood up from the bed. "You're like my brother, Jack. And if Alex is what you really want, I'll make sure that you get him." He turned to go, but I grabbed his wrist. He looked down at me.

"Don't just flat out tell him. Hint at it. Please?" I asked him meekly. He nodded.

"Got it. I'll tell Cass to come over so you won't be all lonely or self-loathing in here." Rian smiled at me and walked out the room. I heard the dorm door shut behind him as he went on his search for Alex. I felt so pathetic for having Rian do my bidding for me. No. I couldn't let Alex find out through someone else. I picked up my phone, a new plan hatching itself in my head. My fingers flew across the on-screen keyboard. I needed him to know that I did care and was willing to do anything to be with him.

Even if that meant facing my fear of him rejecting him. I just needed to make sure that he was willing to see his effort through. Oh, but what if the only plus of our relationship was the mystery of me? Would he really want to still be together, or was the mystery the only driving force behind continuing to meet me. But wouldn't that mean that when he'd told me he really liked me, that he was lying? Alex didn't seem like a liar. But no liar does. I shut my eyes and pressed send. I had to take a leap of faith. Isn't that what love was?

Nervously, I set the flowers down on the blanket, the note securely fastened to the bouquet. I had texted Rian and updated him on my new plan. I was going to just show myself to Alex. If he worked for it. A few more clues, and he should be in front of me. Nothing holding either of us back. I sighed. I wasn't completely ready to face reality, but, were any of us? I shut my eyes and walked back to my room. I took a shower and changed, since I'd begun to sweat profusely with how nervous I was. And I, ever so calmly, walked out of my dorm room and to the place where I was going to meet Alex, with no boundaries.

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A/N: Who's freaking ready for the next chapter. I wrote this yesterday, well, it's still Monday as I write this, since I was so inspired and was tired of giving you guys late updates. Ya'll deserve better than that. So, back on fucking schedule. I'll start writing the next chapter after this I think tomorrow, or something. I don't even know, I've confused myself. I hope you like this chapter and, if you could, comment and tell me how do you think Alex is gonna react to finding out the truth?