Intentional But Unbelievable (Jalex)

The Sunrise

Jack's POV

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"So you lied to me." Alex stated angrily, hurt flashing in his eyes. I shook my head, I could feel the hot years welling in my eyes. I should've known this wouldn't turn out well. He hated me, he hated me so much.

"No...It-It wasn't supposed to be like this." I told him quietly.

"Then how was it supposed to be?" He asked me. I cowered a little at the volume of his voice.  He'd never want to see me again, and I didn't blame him.  I was disgusting. "Unbelievable."

"You hate me now, don't you?" My voice broke on the words. He didn't answer me. "I was afraid this would happen." I slid off of the bed and ran a hand through my hair. Alex glanced at me.

"Why'd you lie to me, Jack?" Alex asked me softly. I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying.

"Because, I was scared. I didn't intend to lie to you, and I haven't told you anything false." I said, avoiding his hurt gaze. I didn't want to see how much I'd hurt him and upset him. He didn't say anything more. I stood and turned. "I'll see myself out." I said aloud, my voice hollow, even to my own ears. He didn't say anything, didn't stop me or tell me that it was okay and he just needed time. Nothing. I left the room, biting my bottom lip as hard as possible, to keep from crying. The taste of copper filled my mouth as salty tears seeped across my skin. I was such a disgusting sack of shit, why had I ever thought that Alex and I could be something? I  shut his dorm room behind me and kept my head ducked down as I continued walking.

I didn't want to go back to my room and just continue crying, and yet, I didn't want to face people. I didn't want them to ask me what was wrong or try to cheer me up. In an odd way, I wanted to be sad for a while. I wanted to be alone and feel like the piece of shit I was. People milled about around me as my feet found themselves putting one in front of the other. I felt like something was missing something. But that something, or someone, was never mine to begin with. I took a deep breath, a fresh wave of hot tears falling. Why hadn't I just told him my name and the truth? Why did I have to be so stupid and difficult? Rian was right, all I did was hurt Alex, and in turn, had hurt myself.

I had no particular destination in mind, knowing that any place I could think of wouldn't turn out to be a bad idea, so I just kept walking, the sidewalk being my guide.

It seemed like everywhere I turned, was someone being happy. There was a couple walking, hand-in-hand in front of me. I wanted to tear their hands from each other's. I rolled my eyes bitterly as they kissed each other. I averted my eyes, only to meet a making out couple standing, wrapped up in each other next to the sidewalk. I groaned loudly. The couple in front of me glancing back at me.

"Yeah, could you walk any slower?" I asked them bitterly. The girl shot me an angry glare.

"Hey, don't be a dick." The guy said to me. "C'mon, babe, we'll get out of this guy's way." They moved and I continued on my way. I had called Alex babe before. He'd told me that he liked when I called him that. Just like I liked when he'd pull my hair. And he'd probably never do that again.

Maybe what I needed was a good cry. Just a solid good cry with a shit-ton of ice cream. The flavour didn't matter, as long as I was guaranteed to reach my sugar level. That actually sounded like an okay idea, why I wasn't in the mood to actually go into a store and meet the judgemental stares of the people. I looked up in front of me, I was on the edge of campus, near downtown Boston. I took another step and was then off-campus. I crossed the street and was met with a music store.

I debated whether or not to go inside, and finally decided, to hell with it, and went inside. The place was mostly empty and reeked of stale cigarettes and some air freshener. I was really just browsing, feeling the CD cases beneath my finger tips. From the outside, nothing appeared to be wrong with me, other than my cheeks a little damp, but nothing out of the ordinary. Inside, I felt like a monster, like there was something very and deeply wrong with me.

"Can I help you find something?" An associate asked me. The name tag red Taylor and she was wearing destroyed black jeans, a loose tank top and some black converse.

"Not really. Thank you though." I mumbled out. She nodded.

"Okay, well, if you need anything, don't be afraid to ask me." She turned to go, not bothering to double check if I was sure or suggest anything. I went back to aimlessly wandering the aisles. There was a crack of thunder outside, and I briefly thought of starting on my trek back to campus. But why? I knew I probably wouldn't go to class the next day, nor would I leave my room, so why go back?

"Do you need an umbrella? We have some here." Another associate asked me, her name tag read Chelsea. I shrugged.

"I'm fine. Thank you." I told her. She gave me a puzzled look.

"Are you sure, because you've been staring at that New Found Glory album for like forever." Chelsea said to me. My eyes widened and I took a step back from the rack.

"Chels, leave him alone. He obviously doesn't want to talk." Taylor hissed at the other girl.

"That's fine." Chelsea turned back to me, a seductive gleam in her eyes. "We don't have to talk."

"Um, can you not?" I asked her flatly. She pouted, offended by my rejection.

"So, what, I'm not good enough for you?" She asked me. "Because you're not that fucking cute."

"I know. You wanna tell me something new?" I asked her, the weight of my self-loathing coming back again. I knew I was dumb, but the worst decision I'd ever made had to be with Alex. Oh, Alex, with his beautiful, bright, hazel eyes. And that little laugh of his.

"She doesn't mean that." Taylor told me, her voice gentle. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied. I wasn't okay. I was heartbroken, because the one person who I really cared about hated me because of my own actions.

"You want pie? You can't be upset when eating pie." Taylor offered me. I shrugged. I glanced out the store's windows. The view was grey and dark.

"It's raining." I stated blandly.

"Yeah, but we have umbrellas." Chels told me. I shrugged again.

"You don't have to, I'm fine, I'll be fine." I muttered. Taylor scoffed.

"Until then, we're taking you to get some pie. Chels, get some umbrellas, we're taking our break."

We were sitting in a café, two doors down from the music store. Chels was eating her chocolate silk pie, not bothering to make conversation, which was okay with me. Taylor's apple pie was untouched in front of her. I had a very thin slice of blueberry pie. The thought of even eating had made me nauseous.

"Do you want to tell us what's wrong?" Taylor asked me. I took a deep breath.

"It's just a mess." I told them the outline of what had happened, no need to go into the details with two strangers, and watched as they both gave me sympathetic looks.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you, were, in a somewhat relationship." Chels told me.

"It's okay. You didn't ask, but whatever." I mumbled. I was being a dick, and I knew it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine. I kind of deserved it." Chels said to me with a grin.

"So, why don't you just call him, he might not even be that upset." Taylor asked me. I shook my head.

"No, he was upset. He was angry with me, and I could tell. And...I'd call him, but I know he wouldn't answer." I speared my fork into the pie in front of me. "And it's all my fault."

"C'mon, Jack, he'll forgive you, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday." Taylor assured me.

"Yeah, and who knows, this can just be a funny story to tell you're friends of how you two had gotten together." Chels added. I smiled a little. Maybe things would get better. I mean, Alex had to care, at least on some level, right? I nodded to the two girls in front of me. Maybe it was a good idea to not have just went home and cried with a gallon of ice cream.