Sex Games

I'm So Sorry

I sat in the coffee shop, staring out the window watching people go by. David called me five times already but I refuse to answer.

"Excuse me miss" someone guy said to me, breaking my thoughts. "You have to buy something" he said softly. I refused to look at him because I knew my face was red and puffy from crying.

"Can I have some tea?" I looked down at my hands.

"What kind?"

"Doesn't matter"

"I'll be right back" he said quickly. Within a minute or two he was back and placed the plastic cup in front of me and sat down across from me. I glanced at his name tag. Shawn.

"I know I shouldn't ask because it's rude but I just want to make sure your not being harmed" he quickly spat out the words in a low voice.

I smiled at his concern. "I'm not being harmed"

"Can I ask what's wrong?"

"My husband doesn't love me anymore"

"How do you know he doesn't love you?"

The whole scene of our argument replayed in my head before I answered. "Something happened to me a while ago and when I asked him if he still wanted to be married to me... He didn't say anything"

"How long have you guys been married?"

"Six months" tears started falling from my eyes. He pulled a tissue from his pocket and handed it to me. "Thank you"

"No problem. Can I tell you something?" I looked at him and nodded. He took a deep breath before he spoke. "Five years ago, my wife, was beaten, raped and stabbed in our home. She was afraid of a lot of things for a long time. She was afraid me, she was afraid of other men, but what really got to her was our relationship. She thought I wouldn't love her, she thought I would leave her for someone who wasn't as messed up as she was but she was soo wrong"

"How?"

"Well, our relationship got stronger, she's more confident and she believes that she could do anything and I think she's even more beautiful because of it"

"I'm like her, I don't care what happened, I'm just ready for it to be over, but he wants to sit there and look at me like I'm nobody anymore"

"Well when this first happened, I was definitely... upset, scared, nervous even, that some guy hurt the love of my life, but I stayed by her because she needed it and I needed her. He still loves you, he's probably just scared" I nodded. "All guys don't like to admit there scared but I know he is"

"So how do I talk to him now?"

He thought for a moment. "You could start off by telling him how you feel, that you don't want anything that reminds you of the bad things, that you want to focus of you and him and more important things" All the sudden my phone rang I looked down and it was David. "That him?" I nodded. "You should talk to him" he smiled.

"Ok" he stood up. "Thank you"

"My pleasure" he walked away and I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

He sighed. "Chrisandra, where are you? I was worried"

"I'm fine, I'm at the coffee shop"

"I'm coming don't move" I hung up the phone and he arrived at the coffee shop within minutes.

I looked at me cup of tea the whole time, I'm guessing he saw me because someone sat down. I looked up and it was David, he smiled but I just looked back at my tea.

"Chrisandra, I'm so sorry for the way I treated you. I do love you and I want us to stay married forever"

I was silent for a while then said. "Why did you hesitate?" He was quiet again so I continued. "When you said nothing, I felt like... I wasn't talking to my husband, I was talking to my lover and he didn't want me anymore" I stopped talking for a split second. "Is that what we are, now? Am I the only one ready to get past this?"

He shook his head. "No, no. I-" he sighed and I looked at him. "Don't even know why I hesitated, I honestly don't. I wasn't thinking or questioning anything. I wasn't doing anything, I was just silent. And you're right, your are completely right I was being a jerk to you, I treated you terrible"

"Are you scared?"

"No, I'm confused"

"About what?"

"I don't even know, I just- my head is all jumbled and I didn't know what to think I didn't know what to do" I looked down. "But what I know now is that I need you, I need you more than anything. My heart broke when you left and when you didn't answer my I got worried. And baby I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for making you feel less of a person and not beautiful, because you are, you are the most beautifulest person I've ever seen" he had tears fall down his cheek. I passed him the tissue and he wiped his eyes. "I'm so sorry" his voice broke and he grabbed my hands.

"It's ok" we stood up and hugged each other so tight, it was like while we were hugging we had resolved every problem. Like we were about to be ripped away from one another.

"You ready to go?" David asked.

I nodded. "I just have to do something first" I let go of David and walked toward the cash register. I paid for my coffee and asked to see Shawn. They said Shawn had already left so I wrote him a quick note and left my number on a napkin and told the lady to give it to him the next time she sees him.

David and I go our own ways in our cars and drive home. That night he held me close to him and didn't let me go. For the first time since Ricky kidnapped me I felt safe.