One Step And More To Go (Book One Of The Steps Books)

Steps of Realization

"Solas, hello."

"You seem troubled." He looked at me, seeming to look into my soul.

" 'Cause I just remembered something.." I murmured looking at the bald elf, shifting on my feet as I clenched and unclenched my hand in a rapid motion.

"And what would that be?" Solas pursed his lips.

"Um.. it's nothing." I said, forcing a grin onto my face. "The next little while is going to be very hairy, isn't it?"

"I would gather, yes." His voice voice flowed over me like ice. His betrayal was inevitable, but still it hurt.

"Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hi." I waved and walked off, my mind reeling.

"He's the bad guy remember?" I murmured softly. "He started all of this. Stupid stuck up elf egg!" I groaned loudly attracting even more attention.

"Herald, are you okay?" The Commander's voice leeching into my ears.

"Uh. Huh? Oh Cullen. Ah! I mean Commander. Hi. Yes I'm fine." I groaned again. 'This is all to much. I can barely think straight.'

"Herald, Cullen is fine." He smiled warmly, his words heartfelt and comforting. I smiled softly looking at his face, my face heating. 'Fuck...'

"Then so is..." I paused. 'Fuck, what do I say...?!'

"Um then so is King. Sorry.. I am so not dealing with this whole 'Herald' thing well." I rubbed my face, sighing deeply. My green eyes, dulling with conflict.

"I would bet. I can't imagine being where you are." He said and clapped me the back knocking me forward and into the snow in my unprepared state.

"Ow.."

"Oh Herald! I am so sorry!" He reached down and helped me up.

"Hah.. it's fine," I smiled, rubbing my hands anxiously. "I need to be going."

I scurried away outside the gates of Haven. I took a deep breath and tried to relax. This was all to much. I kneeled in the snow, breathing heavily.

"This isn't real, this is fake. I'm dreaming. Definitely dreaming. I'll wake up in bed. Nothing I do will put people's lives in danger. I'll just be me, playing games all day. Nothing to worry about. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck flying fucks. If this is real... I am so screwed." I placed my face in the snow, only to be greeted with a deep chuckle from behind me.

"Herald, what are you doing?"

"Oh. Varric hey.. You know the usual, playing with snow." I smiled painfully. "This is all a bit much. Especially, with all the lives on my shoulders. I'm only fucking just barely eighteen."

His eyes widened at the statement. They filled with sadness and pity. "Oh shit."

"I mean I feel older and I love the people here. And I know no one in the inner party dies, thank the maker. But still.. all the little people."

"It's good you care but let all of us care the rest of us take some of that weight."

"You're right... I know that but still... All their lives are on my shoulders..." I huffed, letting myself harden, before nodding at him, smiling. "Thank you."

"Now when you're ready we need to head to the Hinterlands." His words were steady, giving me confidence. "You can do this."

"I'm sure, I can..."