Finding Myself

TORN

Hello everyone!! Yes I'm BACK! So I was sitting outside and wondering why the hell on earth I didn't write anything when the words were ready to explode in my head?! And here I am with a new chapter. I know it's been very long and this chapter is rather short but I hope you like it and the newest member of our cast is Nick Bateman as Damon. I hope you like it! See you in the next chapter. I love you and hope you have a beautiful day. Please share this story and don't forget to VOTE! ❤️

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Alone and lonely are in reality two completely different things. I feel lonely in my quest. There is no one out there that can help me or guide me. Every day is becoming a challenge for me.
I went downtown today. A place where you can be away from all the glory and just be you.

Today the marketplace was exceptionally crowded and lively. I hid under my cloak and just watched. Why life couldn't be as simple as this. Roaming the streets freely not worrying about if you'll be attacked or recognized... I felt safe in my kingdom don't get me wrong but being the next in line for the throne or let alone being a royalty makes you more paranoid about your surroundings and the people that you meet.

After last week's vision about the people I love, I feel more anxious around them. Like I'll do something that I will regret, something that I don't even know I am capable of...

They realized it too. The more I pushed them away the more they tried to talk to me. I haven't spoken to anyone unless it was absolutely essential. That's what I was saying when I said I felt lonely. It's like I am all alone even when I'm surrounded by hundreds.

I remembered then what my father told me when I was crowned in the council:

"No matter how many people try to help you, no matter how many more try to be around you, you are alone in this path. Some decisions you make will haunt you for the rest of your life. You are an immortal. Eventually like all people you will make a mistake but the important thing is not making that mistake. The important thing is knowing that you can redeem yourself, that you get up each time you fall. You are the Queen now. Learn how to get up! And be quick about it because they are coming to push you down in any way they can."

He was right. I am alone in my path and I will fall eventually but I will also rise when it seems impossible. Because I know this, even the smallest light shines in the dark.

I still haven't chosen my path. Will I choose the darkness or the light?

When I was thinking so deep, I realized the body slumped next to me. I turned and it was Damon, looking at me so intently that I felt my stomach turn.

"Why are you here? How did you find me?" I asked

He kept looking into my eyes then at my lips like he was trying so hard to contain himself. I cleared my throat and raised a brow to get his attention. When he finally snapped out he offered me an apple. Huh?

"You didn't hide your scent. It is not hard to find someone who has a unique scent like yours." He said

Damn it! I knew I forgot something before I left. But before him, my family or the guards could have found me, I guess they knew where I was going because I was making it clear for them that all I wanted for the past week was to be alone.

"Are they always that painful? " he asked not looking directly at me.

At first I didn't know what he was talking about but then I remembered that he was there when I had a seizure during the vision. I asked anyway.

"You were there?"

"I was the one who was screaming for a pen and paper. I knew something was happening just not 'I will be the one who kills you all' thing." He said. I thought he was scared at first but he seemed so comfortable saying it.

"You are not scared?" I asked secretly wishing for him to say no but answer was obviously not that.

"You don't know who I am yet so you may not understand or it may seem weird to you when I say it but if I'm going to die soon I'd rather it be at the hands of the woman I've been waiting for so long or while I'm fighting for her."

I didn't know what to say. He couldn't possibly mean what I think he means right? So I diverted the topic.

"I'm sure your mate thinks or will think that it is very honorable and it shows how much you care about her."

He looked at me with an unreadable expression. I felt like I saw sadness in there but also so much love. It couldn't be for me right? No I think I'm imagining things now that's just great.

"We should get back to the castle. The King and Queen must be crazy worried about you. I know Gabriel is."

I rolled my eyes at his attempts to divert the conversation but it was also appreciated because it was going somewhere really weird, with Gabriel being involved.

"Alright let's get going then." I said and took a bite from the apple.
He smile and did a fake courtesy.

"Lead the way your highness!"

I don't know why but I feel something pulling me towards Damon every time he is around and I am scared about what the reason might be but he made me feel less lonely today.

I was glad that it was him who came looking for me. I was glad that the boy from my distant past can also be a part of my present and maybe future.