The Girl With the Scars

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Hailey’s POV

I walked back to the house with my heart in my hand, slowly squeezing the life out of myself as I relived the words that were now haunting my soul. My entire life was a lie, everything that I was told, the way that I was treated and I never understood why. I wanted to know the answers and I spent my entire life searching for them but this was too much, if these are the so called ‘solutions’ to the mistake that is my life then I wish to have never found them. I wish for the words that were tainting every fibre in my being to just vanish.

“He doesn’t love you Hailey” He said. “He never has”.

I don’t know what to and not to believe anymore but one this is for sure, I needed to speak with Spencer. He held the rest of the answers to finish this puzzle but the question remains, do I want to know?

Spencer’s POV

I paced back and forth across the cold tile floors as I fidgeted with my phone. He was yet to call today and he hadn’t ever been late, not once. I glanced at the time for the tenth time this minute.

2:08

My heart was racing.

“You alright man?” Jake asks putting a hand on my shoulder. I flinched and he raised his hands up in a mock surrendering pose as he chuckled.

“Leave me alone” I said through gritted teeth.

"What’s gotten your panties into twist mate?” He asked.

“Now is not the time Jake just leave me the fuck alone” I growled.

“Fine, jeez I just wanted to know if you had seen Hailey around” He said defensively.

Just hearing her name made the guilt feel so real, I knew she would break if she would find out the truth, she had been so strong lately but this would be the final straw, I spent all this time fixing her only to break her in the end.

“I don-“

"Spencer” She whispered standing at the door with tears evident in her eyes.

Hailey’s POV

“Spencer” I whispered. “Come with me”

I led him upstairs into his bedroom and motioned for him to take a seat on his bed. He followed and looked up expectantly at me.

“I need to know the truth” I said straight off the bat.

“For one, Jason is alive” I said and he looked at me with pure distrust.

“Before I say anything else I need to know if it’s true” I said.

"Is Jason really your brother?" I asked

The anticipation for his answer was dreadful, I could feel the lump in my throat becoming more painful and I held my breath as if it would change the answer I would be getting. 

           

“Y-yes” He whispered looking down. My breath was ripped from my lungs and the air was thick, I felt trapped in my skin and sweat followed by cold chills plagued me. My eyes stung as tears streamed my cheeks it tickled and itched as they dried. 

“So you lied to me-“I choked “All this time?” I asked, my stomach felt as though it was tied in knots.

“No I never once lied to you Hails” He said.

"I really wish I could believe you” I whispered as a lone tear made its way down my cheek.

“You knew all along that Jason meant so much to me, you knew he was alive” I accused and he sighed.

“I know how bad this looks but believe me when I say that I never knew that” He said.

“I met you when we were younger and you were always my best friend along with Jason but there was something about you that always drew me to you” He started

"But I don't love you" He said looking away. 

"I thought I did but I was just confused, I care for you Hailey I just dont love you". Feeling cold and lonely, like my heart and soul have been ripped out, I watched in despair. An empty, cold feeling consumed stomach, as if any ounce of happiness was being sucked out of me. 

"Hailey” Spencer whispers and I smile through my blurred vision.

"I never meant to hurt you” He said and I just nodded.

“I-“

“I don’t even love myself, and that’s how I understand why you don’t either” I said.

They say it will get better, it’s a lie, because it doesn’t get better, you just get used to it. The pain, the emptiness and the permanent feeling of sadness is something I will drag along for the rest of my life. I was stupid to think that somehow this prince charming that had come along in my life would change my world right side up and fix all my open wounds, all he did was show promise and then pour salt on my cuts.

“I don’t hate you for this, I hate myself” I said.

“Come on Hails, not this again” He said shocking me. I look at him confused.

“What do you mean by that?” I ask harshly.

“Nothing, I just- you were doing so well now” He says sighing. “Don’t fall back down that road again”.

The worst type of crying is the silent one, the one you feel burning in your throat. The one where you just want to scream, where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you can’t breathe anymore, but you keep silent because you refuse to cry anymore.

“You’re right; I shouldn’t still be like this, after all I’m only running from myself right?” I asked with a straight face. Spencer shook his head feeling like his words may have come out wrong but I understand. I understand that he doesn’t understand. But unlike everyone else in my life, Spencer didn’t walk away, he had stayed.

“To find happiness you have to be alive Hailey, just remember that” He said kissing my forehead then walking out the door.

You took me in,

You taught me to love,

You looked past my faults,

But found my secrets,

Then you left me,

Why did you leave me?