The Girl With the Scars

Chapter Forty-Five

A.N If I told you how much I cried writing this chapter, you wouldn't believe me. 

"I want to thank everyone who's here today and I apologize ahead of time if I can't do this because honestly I don't know if I can. I don't know If I can stand here and say I'm okay with Spencer being gone or that it made me stronger because maybe one day it will but right now all I want is him. Waking up today, god I wished everything was just a sick twisted nightmare and that he would walk through the door and everything would be okay but it's not. Spencer Reynolds changed my life, and I can't even imagine where I would be if I hadn't met him. I think about it though, about how I wouldn't have to carry around this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I thought about the fact that I wouldn't get to see him again, I won't ever hear him laugh or see his stupid guilty smile every time he did something wrong. I love him, and as much as I want him here with me, god knows I'd give anything to have him with me, I know that he's not that far away. I remember how scared I was the first time I saw him, I thought he was some creep" I paused and laughed.

"When I got the phone call saying that he was gone, I guess a part of me was relieved that he wasn't in pain anymore, that he was alright now, but I don't know about me. Who was going to look after me now and love me like he did" I choked out.  "It may sound selfish I know, but you weren't supposed to be gone so soon, and not like this, you were supposed to live at least another 50 years, we would fight and bicker like we do all the time and I'd never let you go, so why did you go Spencer?"

"I had no idea just how much that stranger in a beanie standing ten feet away from me would have meant to me now. He didn't deserve this, nobody does but he definitely didn't. While I spent my days hating my life he spent his wishing it wasn't coming to an end, and he never let me see him down. He always said "Hails, please don't cry, you sound horrible when do". Late at night these wretched sounds would wake me up, it sounded like a car fighting to start up in the morning, for those of you who have ever slept in the same house heck even on the same street as Spence know I'm talking about his snoring. I always complained to him about it and he would make a snarky remark back but now when I'm sleeping alone I wish that I could hear that noise just one more time" I took a deep shaky breath the tears blurring my vision.

"It's these small imperfections that make a person who they are and I miss him. And I can only hope than everyone can meet someone as beautifully imperfect as Spencer was. Thank you" I said quickly making my way down the stage and sitting back down next to Jason holding onto his hand trying so hard not to cry.

Jay was up next to say a few words and from the lack of colour on his face as he walked past his best friends casket I didn't know if he could do this either.

"Um, Spencer was my best friend. He was an idiot and pissed me off more than half the time but he put up with me, he had my back- he was my brother. He saved my ass more times than I can count and not once did he complain. The funny thing is that Spencer always, always accepted others even when they weren't accepting of him. We don't live in a perfect world and his good-naturedness, generosity, and acceptance of others wasn't always mirrored back to him. He struggled with this for a long time. There was an emptiness, a void with him that he couldn't fill. And then he met Hailey. How they met isn't exactly a story I think I can tell-"He said pausing and shooting me a knowing smile.

"But how they fell in love is definitely one for the books. He was an amazing person and he-" Jay paused taking a deep breath and looking over at the open casket.

"he shouldn't be in there, he belongs here with us and I wasn't ready to let him go. But I will always be proud to have known him, and that asshole is probably watching us from above laughing at me crying right now" He said chuckling wiping away his tears. But his facade quickly fades and he breaks down.

"I miss you man" He said burying his face into his hands and let ting out a choked sob "I miss you" He whispered. Jason hurried up the stairs and enveloped him into a hug and I watched them cry until the other guys took them into the other room.

Everything that happened after that was a blur. People said there last goodbyes and I watched as his casket was slowly placed into the ground.

It hurts; I wish it would stop hurting already.

Please.

"Hey" Jason whispered putting an arm around my shoulder.

"Let's go home yeah?" He said softly leading me into the car.

***

1 Year later

I still wake up every morning with an empty feeling in my gut, but everyday it seems to feel a little less suffocating. I made a promise to Spencer, I would live my life not dwelling on past, the hurt I feel today will only make me stronger tomorrow, and I know I'll always love him.

"Hails, get your butt out of bed you're going to be late for first day of Uni!" Jason shouted no doubt waking up the rest of the boys.

I smiled clasping the locket Spence had given me around my neck, grabbing my bag and making my way down the stairs.

"You ready?" He asked looking into my eyes for any sign of doubt.

"I'm ready" I said confidently.

The End.

A.N Thank you so much to all the amazing people that have been reading since I first started writing this story and for the fact that you continued to read even after I had dropped the bomb that Spencer had cancer. 

For those of you that dont understand why I would ever do such a thing, I didnt kill him off randomly. It was always my plan seeing as not everyone gets their prince charming in life that will pick them up off the ground a make their lives complete. The point was to have Spencer teach Hailey how important and precious life really is. 

But being completly honest, life fucking sucks a lot sometimes and anyone who has gone through anything that Hailey has mentally would understand that, but giving up shouldnt be an option, you have to pick yourself up even when you dont see a point in trying anymore. Life isn't made to be perfect and our self worth should never be in the hands of someone else, its all up to you when it comes to your recovery, but if you're feeling alone, please share your burdens with me.

And if anyone needs to talk ever or rant, just send me a message I can promise I wont judge you. 

Thank you again for reading, voting and commenting, I love you guys so much. Find your happiness, and never let it go. <3