Dealing With Anxiety and Staying Strong

Losing A Loved One and Moving

In June of 2013 my pawpaw passed away, and it was the saddest day of my life. I was in the kitchen doing some fan mail when my mom came in and told me. She was on the phone with my Mawmaw. She said, "Pawpaw passed away last night in his sleep."

I immediately said, "No, he didn't." I sat in the chair next to me and started crying.

How could this happen? Why did God take him away from me so fast? He was my best friend, and now he's an angel watching over me. It really bothered me that the last time I saw him was on New Year's Eve. I always blamed myself for not seeing him before he passed away. I always felt this guilt in me, and it haunted me everyday.

He left a will behind for us, and in the will he said we had until 2014 to move out. I couldn't process leaving this house. This house was my home. I grew up in this small house in Lakeview. My pawpaw lived on the other side, and I couldn't just leave. It wasn't that simple, but everyone made it seem so simple.

We moved to a new apartment, and it hurt to move. It was hard to leave my childhood home, but I knew we had to go. My anxiety started to grow, and I felt overwhelmed. I felt like my anxiety started to slowly hover me. All I could do was sit at home and cry.

I built a wall between me and my family. I started arguing with them more. I couldn't get over moving for a while, but I eventually got over it. I went back to living my life. I went back to playing the game of looking happy. I went back to being normal. It was this process happening all over again, and I hated every bit of it.