Dealing With Anxiety and Staying Strong

My First Job

After high school I knew I had to get a job so I could pay for college. The thought of going to places and talking to people made my stomach flip over. It was really nerve wracking. I got lucky with my uncle helping me out because he knew the owner of a snowball stand in Lakeview, and I later found out that my old grammar school teacher also owned the stand. I wasn't as nervous once I found out I knew who it was.

I went in one day with my mom for an interview. I got the job and learned how to do everything in a matter of two weeks. I started in the beginning of August, so it was pretty busy. We always had a line of people waiting, and since I was new I felt like I was going really slow. I remember I would panic because I was afraid of screwing up. I wanted to do everything right, and my bosses made it clear that everyone makes mistakes. My bosses have always been supportive of me, and they're always there if I needed someone to talk to. When I was panicking my first week they made sure I tried my best to stay calm.

I've had a lot happen while working at the stand. I've had mental breakdowns at work because I knew I couldn't cry at home. I didn't want to seem weak in front of my family, and I didn't want anyone asking me what was wrong. I've also almost gotten robbed. Ever since that day, I start to get extremely nervous after it storms. I get worried that another guy will come up to the window and try to rob me. I still have nightmares of me getting shot at and killed while working at the snowball stand. I didn't realize how big of a fear it was until I dream about it at night.

My job is kind of like my second home in a way, and it's kind of like my escape from home. Going to work keeps me busy, and I try my best not to overthink at work. I tend to overthink and over analyze every little thing, and I know I shouldn't. I hate that I overthink. Overthinking is what kills us. Overthinking can really drain a person out, and I know this is a fact because it physically, mentally, and emotionally drained me.

Sometimes I can't stop myself from overthinking. When I'm at work I try my best to keep myself busy. I might clean the sinks and turn on the radio, or wait for 3 PM to roll around so I can watch Ellen Degeneres. The most frustrating thing is when you can't control your thoughts. I could be fine one minute and the next I'm flooded with all this negativity. It scares me.

I learned in life that you can overcome your thoughts. You can choose to block them out even if it's the most difficult thing in the world. I know happiness is a choice, and I know choosing to be happy can also be difficult, but if a person truly wants to be happy they will.

I think that's why I love my job. I love that when I'm there I can forget about what's going on in my life for a little while. Even though I tend to overthink sometimes at work, I try my best to keep myself occupied. I know everyday is a challenge, and I know I can overcome every battle I fight. It just takes a lot of time, and that is okay. I have to know at the end of the day I will be okay.