To Love a Broken Heart

Chapter 7

A/N: I'M BACKKK!!! Ok, so like, I haven't update this story in like forever and thought it be rude if I didn't update before going back to school. So, without further ado, here is the next chapter :')

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That night when I got home, I didn’t cry, I didn’t look for my mum to find comfort, I didn’t feel weak in the knees. I felt numb, empty, like everything inside me had just been gouged out. In a way it has because everything I believed in, every ounce of trust I had given to Zayn was stolen from me, I feel so dirty giving him my time and affection. I spent most of the night in my room doing school work to preoccupy my mind. Luckily, I had Louis as a beam of support for the whole night. We stayed strictly platonic, he didn’t want to be there because we would be alone, he choose to be there because we both needed each other. Liam, who was supposed to be his best friend and confide everything to him, turned out to be a lying jack ass who indeed was gay- for my boyfriend nonetheless, ex-boyfriend. Soon after it got late, Louis left, however, the hurt in his eyes as he left would definitely haunt me for a while. The clear blue eyes he once owned were replaced with a foggy mist of grey imitating that of a ghost’s.

We also spent that night talking about us: We decided that it would be best if we didn’t do anything about it, he was still trying to understand what exactly he is and I’m trying to gather as much self-respect as I can after finding Zayn and Liam in the toilet cubicle. On the other hand, we decided that we would still hang out, he would stop his gratuitous bullying against me and would ask for Liam to stop too, truth be told, we needed each other the most, especially through this dark passage of our lives. Even though Zayn has left a void inside of me I know that Louis is the stitch able to close it, the time I need to heal my wounds and I’d be there for him for moral support; a presence he needs when he is feeling down; a shoulder to cry on.

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It’s now been a week since the incident and I’ve finally started picking up the shattered pieces Zayn left of me, I was starting to feel whole again. Louis and I became good friends and Liam who at first was reluctant to befriend me is trying his hardest not to tease me. I know that it’s not about Louis asking him to leave me alone; I knew it was about Zayn, he knew about me and Zayn and that Louis and I overheard everything they did so it was his way of apologising. I, being the weak and selfless guy, forgave him, I empathised for the lad. He is struggling accepting the fact he is gay and I know how lonely this road can get, he needed a guiding hand; a light to show him that what he is isn’t a monster but a human like everyone else. So I took it upon myself to be that hand, Liam would normally come to me when he had problems and we would talk about everything: he told me about his homophobic parents and how they kicked out his sister who turned out to be a lesbian, he lost all contact with her because he, too, was part of the bully circle the family formed around her. Liam didn’t want the same thing happening to him, he’d cry to sleep every night because the guilt of what he did to his sister was eating him away. Then he told me about Zayn. How he tamed the monster inside of him and made him feel human, he described his feelings towards him claiming that “No one has ever made me feel this way” but he would also tell me how he beat himself up for feeling that way, how it felt so right but he knew it was so wrong to feel like that for another guy. I told him to ignore what his head tells him and follow his heart, to claim Zayn and never let him go because if there’s one thing that will show him how ‘human’ he really is: love will answer his prayers.

I broke things off with Zayn the day after, I explained to him that I wasn’t the right guy for him and that he knew what I was on about. It didn’t take him long to register what I was implying. Suddenly, he was on the floor, crying, a teacher pulled him and me into an empty classroom, giving us more privacy. I could still remember the words he told me… not words… lies. The lies he told me to stop me from walking out on him.