To Love a Broken Heart

Chapter 20

[Please tell me if you find any mistakes. I have had no time to edit it properly and only skimmed through it. I'd greatly appreciate it if you did point out any!]

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“So,” Louis says as he opens the backdoor to my mum’s car, “what do you think about films and ice cream.” He climbs into the backseat and I mirror.

“Sounds nice,” I admit, buckling my seatbelt in.

Louis smiles and does the same. Mum opens the door and shuffles into the driver’s seat. She turns around and flashes me and Louis a smile before igniting the engine. I look out the window and stare at the hospital, a modern-looking, silver building with columns of glass that rise to the very top, which glistens under the stare of the moon.

As we begin to drive away, I turn around and look at the window of the room I was held in and smile. Bye Liam. I hope you get to leave soon, too. I think before turning around and taking Louis’ hand in mine. I could see my mum smirk at us through the rear-view mirror. The smell of pine trees fill my nostrils and I sigh in content; I’m sitting with the two most current important people in my life and I feel at peace.

“There’s a dance coming up in school, you know?” Louis asks, staring out the window, lost in sweet reverie, as if he was thinking about the most pleasant and idyllic thing. I wonder if he was thinking about me in that fragile yet unbearably strong mind of his.

I nod. “Yeah, isn’t it for that charity dealing with uneducated children in third world countries?” I ask, shifting my position so that I was facing him. I begin to rub his knuckles, it became calloused from all the events that happened recently. However, it still felt like it was the softest thing my fingers have ever touched; so fragile and comforting, like velvet kissing your skin.

“Yeah,” he confirms, finally breaking from his trance and looking at me in the eyes, intently. I feel a bubble of happiness burse and spill inside of me. I don’t know why he still has this effect on me. I swallow nervously and fixate my eyes on his. “Anyway, you know how we’re allowed to bring a date?”

My heart skips a beat and excitement rockets through my veins. I nod, far too quickly. My eyes regard him, full of anticipation and I find myself unconsciously smiling; I hope he’s about to ask me what I think he is.

“Well, I was thinking…” he starts, letting go of my hand and fiddling with his thumbs. He drops his face and doesn’t look at me. “I was thinking that we don’t go,” he whispers, barely audible. But I did hear it and it is like someone just woke me up from a dream; all happiness inside subsided.

My mum slams her foot on the brake and Louis crashes into the headrest of my mum’s seat. I, however, extend an arm and push off the passenger seat to keep me from flying. I look behind, and thank god, there are no cars behind us – I’d hate for an accident to occur.

“Why not?” mum asks, quizzically as Louis sits back on his chair and rubs his forehead.

“U-uh – I-I j-just don’t t-think it’s a g-g-good idea,” he stutters, his cheeks igniting a deep shade of red.

“And why not?” mum presses, now giving him a reproaching look while we begin driving again.

Louis opens his mouth then closes it. I stare at his clenched jaw and his furrowed eyebrows as he indulges in his thoughts. The small proximity of the sudden brake allowed the smell of his cologne, mixed with a hint of sweat, to waft into my nostrils, it smelt delightful and musky at the same time. His face suddenly drops and his eyes are filled with shame.

“I don’t want people to know I’m gay… not yet,” he elucidates, staring at the palm of his hands, which were slightly shaking – from what, I don’t know. But I presume it’s from the fear of what I think about his reason.