To Love a Broken Heart

Chapter 9

A/N: Just a lovely picture of Niall to admire while reading :) Why does he torture us?

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"No." I wiped the remaining tears that collected in the corner of my eye and shook my head furiously at Louis. How could I say yes! He's ashamed to be with me. Also, if I were to agree with this, then I'd have to endure watching him making out with other girls to throw other people off his 'Gay scent'. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I want Louis, I really do, but I want him for myself only - as selfish as that sounds.

"I'm sorry?" His words came out as a question and the look on his face showed such shock and confusion. I looked at the others and their faces resembled the same thing as Louis'. There was a sudden breeze of wind that sliced between mine and Louis' face. I took a step back and shook my head again.

"I said: No." I repeated and by now I had a smile on my face, a sly smile that gave me the power to overcome everything; It was time to rise and put myself first, I couldn't let my feelings for Louis blind me to the truth, a truth so painful and real that it was a living nightmare consuming every ounce of happiness in me. I couldn't let my love for him take over me: Love is nor feeling; nor pain, but a monster inside killing us slowly. "How can I Lou? Going out with you will be the death of me, quite literally, I couldn't stand seeing you kiss that girl and I'm fairly sure I wouldn't take pleasure watching you do it while we're a couple. I understand that you're still coming to terms with being gay" I looked at the party and saw Liam and Zayn staring at Louis with wide eyes - still - and looking more perplexed by the minute. My grin grew wider and I averted my eyes to Louis, who, by now, seemed like a fallen angel under the light of the moon, his hair was messier than usual; his red rimmed eyes seemed puffy from the tears that had just crawled out of them, however, it was still haunting, they were so magnificently beautiful and never failed to captivate me; the moonlight provided a certain mystery in his eyes as if the true Louis laid somewhere inside those eyes. I let out a sigh, releasing everything from this dreadful night: My feelings diminished, the fog in my thoughts dissipated and a flame inside me reignited. Right now, I'm feeling something I've never felt for a long time; never felt since the events of my life took control; since my life lost meaning: I feel complete, I can feel myself looking at life at a certain perspective: there were so many colours. The bridge which looked so derelict and ruined now showed evidence of life, the river no longer roared but sang a mellifluous melody while the wind would dance around us in perfect sync to the voices of the city that surrounded us. It was like the world awakened around me and I've finally escaped that labyrinth of despair, climbing into a world full of hope; a world that had a place for me. There were no labels; no expectations; no worries. I could be me. "I love you Louis. You already know that. I just can't go out with someone who doesn't even know who he is. Once you find him and decide that you still like me, come, I'll always have a vacancy in my heart until the day you claim it. It's yours now, and forever will be Louis. I just need to know that when it lies in your hand, with such fragility that a pinch could shatter it into a billion unfixable pieces, you would keep it safe, forever."

Louis rushed up to me and gave me a chaste kiss before responding. "I understand, you won't have to wait for long, even though your heart lies miles away from me - for now - I will hear its beat and I'll let it be the music that puts me to sleep; the song that will remind me of us; of what we will be. I promise Harry, you won't wait for long. Thank you." I pulled him into a hug and we remained there, time froze and in that moment: Life had a meaning.

-

Niall decided to come home with me that night, to prevent any more of my "Stupid ideas to make you do something you'll regret." As he put it. On the way home, life became so much sweeter, the air detoxed my body of all its negativity and the stars shone with such intensity, each one in a competition to outshine the neighbouring star. Niall and I walked home in perfect silence, happy in each other's company. When we reached my house and saw my mother rushing to us with such a melancholy face, Niall lied for my sake.