To Love a Broken Heart

Chapter 5

Now I was on my bed, curled up into a ball, suppressing all my needs to cry. Monsters don't cry. How dare I do that to someone I absolutely love. It's Louis that I love, not Zayn. Why did I agree to go on a date with him? I don't know. Maybe because I needed someone to get over Louis, I knew nothing was going to happen between us, so why did I feel like I just cheated on him? I grabbed my hair and pulled hard in frustration, making me wince in pain, releasing my grip on my hair I began driving both fists into the wall, yelling at it, or myself, blood began to stream from my knuckles every time my it pounded the wall creating a loud Thud!.

This continued for the next minute or so before my door began knocking, it was my mother. I stayed facing the wall and didn't speak, ignoring my mother, I sat on the edge of the bed and watched the door, waiting for her voice to emanate from it.

"Harry, dear, please open the door, I know you're hurting and I just want to help, love." Her soothing tone echoed from the other side of my door.

I didn't want to be comforted though, why was she being so nice? If anything she should be punishing me for my unfaithful behaviour. I decided to ignore my mother’s voice and lay back on my bed, stuffing my head into the pillows. Turning to my side I realised that it was 4:30pm meaning school had finished 30 minutes ago, I wonder if anyone was concerned about me. Ha, of course not. I'm just another cold, heartless and a gay fag, no one cares. Tears were pricking my eyes, blinking vigorously to try and push them back but soon all efforts were a waste as they began to flow down my cheeks wetting the pillow and filling it with my despair. I.Hate.Myself.

It was nearing 5pm when my mother attempted to knock at the door again, this time I did respond to her, thinking it was time to release everything in my chest, share the pain I'm currently feeling. I slowly got out of bed and turned the door handle revealing my mother, eyes full of concern and her hand held to her chest, she stepped into the room and guided me back to my bed. She cradled me into her arms before she asked me what was wrong. I let out a sigh and looked into my mother's eyes, it's now or never.

"Mum, do you ever feel so comfortable around a certain person and when he smiles at you, you can't help but implode with happiness? When they look at you, you can't help but drown in their eyes? When they touch you, your skin explodes in a variety of happy sensations?" I said, taking deep breaths between each sentence.

"Yes, I do, I felt the same way for your dad Harry." She replied. Smiling, I think she knew where this was going.

"Well, that's how I feel for..." I started but I was soon cut off with a hug from my mother.

"For Louis Tomlinson" She finished for me. WHAT! She knew?

I opened my mouth to say something but words failed to escape them as I stared at my mother, full of confusion, pulling away from her hug I gave her a puzzled look getting a laugh for a response. She merely pointed towards the wall above my bed and I followed her finger to find a picture of me and Louis taken when I was at his house eating dinner, his hands were on my shoulders and I was staring at him all love-eyed. God, it look like I was eye raping the kid. I suddenly felt my cheeks turn a deep shade of crimson as I stared at my mum, now with a new profound smirk on her face.

"Funny, Louis is actually downstairs in the living room, he was the original reason I knocked again but I'm glad we cleared things up, no more secrets, ok?" She said, sternly.

I nodded, already breaking the promise as she has no idea I'm going on a date with Zayn. Oh god, Louis is here... and I'm with Zayn. Should I tell him? He deserves to know, I don't want to play with his feelings, even though I know he won't reciprocate my feelings for him, I just can't do that.

"Come on then, Louis looked worried about you dear, I think..." She started, taking a pause, she stared at me, joy glinting in her eyes as she seemed to have an epiphany. She just shook her head and walked out the room like she never said a word. What the hell!? And she wonders why I have trust issues.