To Love a Broken Heart

Chapter 22 (Part 1/2)

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I thought it was all okay. I thought we were fine and they would soon be found. I thought Louis, Liam, Zayn and I would finally be free from this fear that constricts our airway and makes the simple task of breathing strenuous.

But now it’s all falling apart.

I need to speak to Josh – and I intend to – but more importantly, I need to go find Niall. If Josh’s uncle is part of this then I don’t want him near Josh. It’s going to be a hard task, but I care about Niall; he’s been there during my worse and it’s time I return the favour.

Liam is slowly recovering – with a lot of Zayn’s help – and he doesn’t have to worry about all this. No. Not now. Louis is slowly settling back into his old routine: go to school and make everyone think his straight then come to me afterschool and tell me how sorry he is and then I forgive him because I’m too weak to tell him how much it hurts me, but we make out straight after and I remember that he never kisses those girls with as much passion and meaning and I just…melt. However, if he finds out about Josh’s uncle then things might just deteriorate.

He can’t find out.

Fear. That’s what they want; they want us to be so scared of them that we become vulnerable enough to easily assault. That is if they’re still after you. I think… then snort. Of course they’re still after you. You almost got them arrested and I don’t think Alex is one to let things go lightly.

I force myself to stop thinking about it. I look at my reflection in the mirror and slowly palpate the area around my eyes. Black circles surround my eyes and a bag of skin is slowly forming under my eyes. My eyes are burning from how sleep deprived I am but my body is wide awake, scared and alert. I’m scared. Scared to close my eyes; scared to blink; scared to walk in the dark; scared to talk to anyone. Every time I close my eyes, I see the malicious figures of Alex and Eleanor emerging out the inky darkness. Those eyes, completely black it makes him look satanic, piercing through my eyes and stabbing my mind. A sinister smile grows shortly after and sweat begins to form on my forehead. Then I forget how to breathe and I shoot my eyes open.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Even the air I breathe in poisons my lungs; and nothing feels right and safe anymore. I walk towards my bed, commanding my feet to move. Upon the blue sheets of my bed lies the reason of all of this; the reason behind my sudden fear, cowardice, and change in behaviour. Mum found it after I phoned Josh last night. It was just there, lying on the floor, outside the door and she picked it up while she was taking out the bins. She was already in a state of panic and seeing an envelope with no sender address just worsened her condition. I told her not to open and read it. I immediately had a bad feeling toward it and something just told me it was about Alex. But sometimes curiosity makes you do stupid things.

The envelope lies there, the top of it open and my finger hovers over it. I opened it last night but never took the time to read it. I pull my fingers back and begin to pace back and forth. Just breathe, whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. You’ve already faced a lot. Man up! I chide myself and stop in the middle of the room. The yellow gleam of the full moon illuminates my room and makes the blue walls seem green and I think of vomit. I remember how I vomited on the road the day Louis ran out of Nando’s; I remember of the sick feeling I felt when I saw Liam and Zayn tied up and bloody; I remember waking up in hospital with worried, sick faces surrounding me. My hands inadvertently clench into fists and I glare at the envelope.

Alex couldn’t have sent that letter, he wouldn’t risk exposing himself by walking to my house. Luke couldn’t have sent that neither, his under suspicion and I’m sure the police would have checked where he goes, what he sends, and what he does. So there is a strong possibility that I’m just overreacting and this is some stupid letter from a bank or some promotional shit decaying companies send out.