One Lucky Winner

Chapter 87 ~ Katniss

Day 9
8:24 PM

I'm lost.

I've been trying to get to the cornucopia, because I have nowhere else to go. That's what I did last year, when it was just Peeta, Cato, and I left. Peeta and I went to the cornucopia. I can't find it now, though. All around me is just woods. I can't find the rock terrain either. I'm just so lost.

My mind keeps going towards Thomas, no matter how hard I try to keep it away from him. A few minutes after I walked away from him, I had one crying spell, a long one, full of sobbing. I miss him so bad already, and I would do anything to make him come back. And, to make things worse, not only do I feel sad about him, but guilty also. That's the one thing I'm scared off, if I win. Caesar will talk to me about Thomas during the interview, and I'll feel so embarrassed and guilty.

Bilbo died a few hours ago. Tris killed him, or at least that's what I'm assuming. He could've suffered or gotten attacked by mutts. But he's dead. It's just Tris and I now. Two left.

Which is another example of how lost I am. I don't think Tris will know to go to the cornucopia. She's probably way off, deep into the woods, just waiting for something to happen. Nothing will, though.

Or will it? The gamemakers will probably try to force us together to fight. No one will want to watch Tris or I just wander around for days. They're definitely going to try to force us together. But the question I'm scared of: how?

I hope they do something soon because a few hours ago it started snowing harder than it was before. Now, there's heavy winds added. It's a bit hard to breathe in, and my nose and ears are numb. So are my hands, despite them being in gloves. It's a blizzard.

I keep telling myself that I can do this. I can kill Tris. I can win. Thomas told me that I can. He told me he desperately wants me to go home, so I will. For him. If it weren't for him or Prim, I would've given up by now.

I look up from my snowy, walking feet, and see something, through a few snow covered trees.

A place where there's no trees. Just snow, and a large metal thing. The cornucopia!

I smile, for the first time in hours. I can barely see it through all of the blowing snow, but I'm sure it's the cornucopia. I'm standing to the back of it. I step out of the treeline, and into the fresh snow. I walk towards the cornucopia, happy I found it. The snow is deep here; it goes halfway up my calf. I trudge through it. From what I can see from here, Tris isn't around.

I get to the cornucopia, and look up at it. I let out a sigh. What now? Tris isn't here. But, knowing what happened last year, the gamemakers are either going to bring Tris to me, or me to Tris. I better stay here and wait to see what happens.

I take off my two backpacks and the quiver of arrows. I'm immediately sickened, because I'm reminded of Peeta and Thomas, and all the guilt and pleasure that went into them.

I shake my head and try not to loose my appetite. If there is going to be a final battle between Tris and I, I better have strength for it. I need to eat, as much as I don't want to.

I dig through the bag I put all the food in, and become very sad. All of it reminds me of Thomas. Apples, trail mix, chocolate, graham crackers, marshmallows...ugh.

I shake my head and dig past them, trying not to let the haunting memories of him fill me up. I choose to eat a small granola bar.