axel

::seven::

Point of View: noah 

[Oh my friends, my friends forgive me

That I live and you are gone.

There's a grief that can't be spoken.

 There's a pain goes on and on.] {Empty Chairs at Empty Tables; Les Miserables} 

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Dear Dad,

I would like to take this opportunity to say, 

Screw. You.

My hand? Yeah, it hurts like crap. But I didn't take those pain meds. I took one look at the prescription, and I knew it was some strong meds. I knew that there was a decent chance if I took the prescription and went and got it filled, and started taking them, that I wouldn't be able to stop. That I'd turn out just like you.

That's my biggest nightmare. My biggest nightmare is turning out to be just like you. You left Josiah and I in the dirt. You turned to drugs and you left me. You welcomed the drugs with open and loving arms and in doing that you shoved me out into the cold. 

And so when I looked at the scrawled writing on the page, I saw my entire future sitting out in front of me. I saw myself addicted. I saw myself crying on the bathroom floor because I didn't have any more drugs, and I didn't have any more money to go out and buy the drugs. And I saw myself selling whatever I could to get my hands on more. I saw myself selling away my life, selling away my future so I could shoot heroin or snort cocain or take prescription drugs and I realized

that 

turning

into

you

is

the 

worst

thing

i

could

ever

do

to

myself.

So I guess I'm writing you this letter that I will never give you, to inform you that I think I hate you. I hate that you were my hero, and now you're the villain. You were my Batman, and now you're the Joker. You were my Anakin, and now you're Darth Vadar. You've turned something horrific and something fictional into something real. 

You were supposed to be my rock and instead you threw me out to sea and pitched the anchor into the water right next to me.

Thanks, Dad.

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 I probably shouldn't be walking home by myself at 1 a.m. But I didn't really see any other option, and there are enough street lights among the streets that it isn't too creepy.

When I get to the house, I evaluate my options. I can go in the front door, which I know Amy will have left unlocked for me. The problem with that is I don't want to wake everyone in the house up by accident. My other option is to go through the window in my room, but as I look up at the massive tree I'd have to climb to get there, I just decide to go through the door.