axel

::thirty one::

Point of View: noah 

 [Stop there, and let me correct it

I wanna live a life from a new perspective] {New Perspective; Panic! at the Disco} 

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Dear Mom,

I went to a party last night with a friend of mine. I wore one of your old dresses, and everyone said I looked like just you. I never thought I did until you died and then I told myself I looked like you just so when I looked in the mirror I could trick myself into thinking I was you for split second.

I sang for the first time in front of people for the first time since I sang to you... well you know.

It was good, I think. I had fun last night. For a moment I felt like I did when you were alive and everything in my world was okay.

And mom, I think it's starting to be again.

I don't think I'll ever be the way I was before, but this experience has molded me into a different person.

And mom, I don't think she's all that bad.

She's different for sure. This one is quieter, and thinks more about her words, tastes them on her tongue before she spits them out. She's more forgiving in some areas, but less in others. She's a harder worker, and she doesn't take anything for granted anymore.

I hope someday soon, she will smile more. I know that's what you'd want, and it's what I want. I want to be happy again, even if you aren't here.

I know you wouldn't want me to ruin my life because you're gone.

So, what I guess I'm saying is, I'm trying.

And you know I always love you mom.

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We stand out on the balcony for thirty minutes, just standing there and watching the couples inside still dancing. 

"I should probably call Amy and let her know to come get me," I reach into my purse to get my phone but North just shrugs and starts walking.

"I'll take you home, come on."

I turn my head a little bit, "I can just call Amy..."

He turns around and grabs my hand and starts dragging me through the ballroom. "If I stay, she'll make me clean up afterwards."

I laugh and he lets go so I can walk by myself. "Okay."

I snag my jacket from where I put it on the stage and then we run out to his car, dodging people and cars. 

"Where's Sam?" I ask as I slide in.

He gets in and starts the car, "Last time I saw him he was flirting with some girl. He's a big boy, he'll be fine." He pulls out of the driveway and I lean back in my seat as we go.

"Still skating?" He asks as it gets silent in the car.

I laugh, "As if I'd be doing anything else."

He nods, "Yeah, that was sort of a stupid question. Landed that triple axel yet?"

Shocked that he cares enough to ask, I shake my head silently.