Redemption

Chapter 1

Why does nothing work? Why does it feel like everything I've ever known is empty? Katarina stared at the tiny, engraved tombstone that topped the little grave before her. She came here every month. She and her husband never got the chance to raise the baby; it had been a still birth. They'd known for months that something was wrong with the baby, but they'd been hoping she would survive. Unfortunately, she hadn't.

Tears filled Kat's eyes. Things had been falling apart for her long before they discovered that there were problems with the pregnancy. It had been three months since the still-birth, and things at home were continuing to deteriorate.

Felix was angry at her, and he often blamed her for their baby's death, saying that if she'd rested more and hadn't insisted on working all the time, they wouldn't have lost their daughter. It was partially true. Kat hadn't been careful enough, especially after the doctor warned her that the baby was fragile and wouldn't survive if she didn't take it easy. But she thought that Felix was also blaming himself for it. He had expressed his regrets at not helping her out more so she wouldn't have to work around the house so much after a long day at work. Granted, he'd been drunk, but alcohol did tend to loosen the tongue and make lying difficult.

Sighing, she turned away from the grave and walked back to the car. Will things ever get better? All I ever do is argue with Felix. I just want our marriage to be like it was when we were first married. Things were going so well. I don't know what went wrong... Where do I turn for help? I need it, but I can't get it.

She doubted her father wanted to hear from her. Her mother had passed away two years ago. She hadn't gone to the funeral, figuring that she would be an unwelcome guest due to the episode two years prior to that. She hadn't treated them well at all, even going so far as to outright reject them and their religion.

Kat still wanted nothing to do with religion or God, but she was beginning to wonder if perhaps that was the only place to turn. After all, what else was there? Her husband didn't want to look at her, was drowning his sorrows in alcohol and work, and she had few friends here. The house next to them was up for sale, and the woman who had lived there before, Marg, was really the only friend Kat had had.

The isolated feeling inside her chest burned and seared into her very soul. She hugged herself, tears dripping down her cheeks as she dropped to her knees on the ground. Soft, hiccupping sobs escaped in strangled gasps at first, and then it became a full blown wail as she asked herself why everything had fallen apart like this. Her screams rent the air as the thunder clouds roiled overhead, and rain began pattering down gently on her head and the soil around her.

"Why?" she asked through gritted teeth and sobs. "W-why? How did this go so wrong?"

Your parents warned you this would happen, her conscience sneered. They warned you that things would fall apart if you went with Felix. And look at this mess... What do you know? They were right.

What else were they right about? Kat thought bitterly. Or is this just blind luck that it's turning out the way my parents predicted it would? I don't even know anymore...

***

Kat kicked her wet shoes off on the welcome mat and shut the door. Resting her back against the door, she shut her eyes and listened to her shallow breathing, letting her mind wander and her heart ache.

A door opened upstairs. She opened her eyes in time to see her husband looking over the balcony at her. He wrinkled his nose as she looked back at him. "You came back? Dinner's cold."

"That's fine," she mumbled, stumbling wearily into the dining room and continuing on into the kitchen.

Felix tromped down the stairs and stood beside the granite counter top, arms folded, watching her pick at the cold food. "You going to heat it up?"

"No..."

"Well, don't waste any of it. I worked hard to make it." His tone was flat, and she doubted he'd spent more than ten to fifteen minutes on the boxed meal on her plate.

"Yeah, sure," she answered, her voice a bare whisper.

"What? No sarcastic comeback?" Felix goaded, his tone becoming caustic.

"I'm tired, Felix. If it's a fight you want, go work out with your trainer or something. Emma tells me she's pretty."

"Emma doesn't know anything," Felix scoffed, waving a hand. "But... She is kind of cute."

"Is she?" Kat asked, her temper flaring in spite of her weariness and inclination to avoid a fight. "Well, good for you. Maybe you should've married her instead!" She set the plate on the counter quietly and shoved past Felix, heading for the guest bedroom.

"You're not sleeping in our room tonight?"

"No. If you'd prefer to sleep in the guest bedroom instead of in the master bedroom, have at it."

"I'm not sleeping in the guest bedroom," Felix ground out, storming toward the stairs. "Stupid woman..." he mumbled under his breath as he passed.

Kat froze at the door to the guest bedroom, her hand resting on the wood. Her fingers dug tightly into the frame as she listened to her husband storm up the stairs. Her throat felt tight, and her eyes were hot. They felt almost sticky, but then the tears came, relieving that. "What's happened to us?" she whispered to no one in particular. "We used to love each other so much... He never looked at other women, and I never worried about him leaving."

Now it's all I can think about, she added silently. After all that's happened, I keep thinking I'll wake up one day to find him gone or divorce papers on my desk at work. How long can we really go on living like this?

She dragged her bare feet over the thick blue carpet as she aimlessly meandered toward the bed. Too tired to care anymore, she collapsed onto the bed without bothering to take her clothes off. Her damp cheek pressed against the silky pillow cover, and the cool air from the air conditioner in the window washed over her sticky skin. Sighing, she shut her eyes and let herself drift off to sleep.