Redemption

Chapter 4

Kat didn't know what to expect out of the queer elderly woman. She didn't seem much like her parents did. Kat felt that perhaps there was something different about this woman's faith. When hard times had come in her parents' lives, they had spent most of it fretting and not much of it trusting God. When others at church asked how they were coping when her father lost his job years ago, they had responded that God was taking care of them, but at home, her parents had constantly worried about how they would feed her and themselves. It was a faith that had no true roots.

In the end, that was what had truly driven her away. How could a God that isn't powerful enough to be trusted in for real do me any good? she had often wondered. He can't, she'd surmised.

But here, she saw, was a woman who did seem to trust her God wholeheartedly. Unlike the weak faith she'd seen in her childhood, this woman's faith seemed an entirely different, and very much alive, thing. There was something inside of her that yearned to hear what this woman had to say. She shook it off, reminding herself that she was just being polite by acquiescing to the woman's request and that she really only wanted to know more about how another woman made it through her current situation.

If Kat had been honest with herself, however, she would've realized that she really yearned for comfort and for something to give meaning to what she was going through. She didn't truly want to believe that it was all meaningless as her teachers had said it was in school. She didn't want to face a world where pain, suffering, and death had no cause and no end. That was a world that Kat couldn't bear to live in any longer. Deep down, she wanted someone to show her that there was a reason to persevere and live on through all the despair darkening her soul's innermost parts.

Felix certainly wasn't offering her support, so perhaps this woman could. She didn't dare hope for it with everything she had, but a small piece of her was beginning to believe that it was a possibility.

***

She followed Mrs. Trenton into a cheery little kitchen. A table sat at the center in a beam of late afternoon sunshine, and yellow curtains danced cheerily in the breeze from the open window. Boxes were stacked up in neat piles against one wall, and on the other, the couple had a sink, stove, and refrigerator standing against the flowery wallpaper. Pristine white tiles touched her bare feet, chilling them as she slipped out of the slippers she'd thrown on when leaving her house. Despite the boxes and obvious signs that the two were still moving in, the long vacant house now had a happy, homey atmosphere to it.

Kat stood still for a moment, breathing in the warm, comforting atmosphere; she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt a house exude such peace and joy. The same glowing happiness she'd seen in Mrs. Trenton's time-worn face seemed to burst from every corner of the small kitchen as well.

"Won't you sit down?" Mrs. Trenton asked, ushering Kat over to a chair.

As soon as Kat was seated, Mrs. Trenton bustled over to the stove and pulled a kettle, which was now whistling merrily, off the stovetop. "Is Lipton alright, Katarina?"

"Yes, ma'am. And if you want, you can call me Kat. Everyone else does." Except Felix... Felix never has. It used to be his term of endearment. He liked my full name better... But now it's just a way to distance himself from me. Her chin dipped lower, and her bangs fell in her face as she began to contemplate her lap in an attempt to get her mind off Felix and the troubles they were enduring.

"Alright, Kat it is..." Mrs. Trenton brought two cups of piping hot tea over and set them down. "Do you like cream or sugar with your tea?"

Kat shook her head, taking the hot cup with a grateful smile.

"Now then... Why don't you tell me what's going on? You seem like you need someone to share with before you go insane."

Kat's smile began thin and wan. "I guess... The whole problem started when I was eighteen. My husband and I had met a year before that. He's a few years older, and my parents didn't like him. It was because they raised me Christian, and Felix isn't one. I didn't care. I was angry that they kept restricting me from doing what I thought would be fun.

I didn't understand any of their rules or why they believed what they did. All I ever saw growing up was the hypocrisy behind Christianity. In my parents, church members, and my parents' friends, I saw them say one thing but do another. I saw a God who could only be relied upon in good times, and I decided I wanted nothing to do with it. So I ran off with Felix.

My parents warned me it would bring only heartache because he wasn't a Christian. They said I shouldn't be unevenly yoked with an unbeliever. Since I had long since chosen to reject them and their beliefs, I finally blew up and told them I wasn't a Christian and didn't believe in God, so it didn't matter." Kat stopped, biting her lip. A tear slipped down her cheek.

"They warned me it would end in disaster. I didn't believe them, so when Felix flew out here for a job, I went along and married him. For years, I haven't spoken to my parents. My mom died a year ago, but I stayed away from the funeral. No one would want me there after the way I behaved anyway.

During that time, Felix and I were going through a rough patch in our marriage. We did get it sorted out, and shortly after, I got pregnant. We... We were really happy," she said, swallowing back her tears. "B-but... Halfway through the pregnancy, the doctor told us something was wrong. We were told that the baby was weak, and if I did much of anything strenuous, she might not survive. I was scared, but I had a job and lots of housework to do. Felix was having a rough time with his job, so he was always away, and when he was home, he was very demanding. We had a hard time getting along when he was around. I got more and more stressed.

A month before the baby was due, I went into premature labor. I was so scared... And w-when... W-when..." Kat had to stop. She couldn't keep her voice steady, and the tears were falling despite every attempt to hold them back.

Mrs. Trenton took Kat's hands in hers and patted them gently. "I know... I know it's hard, dear."

Kat shook her head, her hands shaking in Mrs. Trenton's grasp. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have come. We barely know each other. I don't know what I was thinking." She pulled her hands away from Mrs. Trenton and wiped furiously at the tears. Her lower lip wobbled as she carefully pushed away from the table, intending to leave.

"Kat, please stay. It's okay to be upset, and it's clear you haven't got anyone to turn to right now. Perhaps you'd like to hear about my story instead of telling yours? Maybe it can be of some encouragement and help to you..."

Kat hesitated, unsure if she should go or stay. But finally, she sat back down with a small nod. "Okay... I don't think I can keep telling my story, to be honest."

"That's alright. You tell it when you're ready. I want you to know that you have someone to turn to, Kat. Not just here on Earth but in Heaven too. I'm sorry that your parents and church were not the witnesses for Christ that they should've been, but I'm telling you now that there is a God in Heaven, and He does love us. You can choose to believe that or not, but it won't change the truth."

Kat wrinkled her nose, sniffling back the tears. "You can't prove it."

"And you can't prove that there is no God either. Both of us believe what we do by faith. But I would argue that there is plenty of evidence for a God, and not just a God, but a loving Savior who created you and me. Regardless, let's not argue over this. Let me tell you my story, or at least part of it today, and you can decide for yourself if you still believe that there is no God watching over us."