Redemption

Chapter 10

The smell of fried eggs and bacon permeated the house as Kat opened her eyes. Rolling over, she turned over and looked at the clock. Blinking sleep from her eyes, she stared at the red digits, uncomprehending. Finally, as the bleariness cleared and her head cleared from the fog of sleep, the time registered.

Her eyes widened, and she sat up quickly in bed. The door to the bedroom opened as she started to get out of bed. She paused, shivering as the cold air hit her bare legs. The carpet tickled the bottoms of her feet as she stared at Felix, eyes still wide and startled.

"F-felix..."

He blushed, coming over to her side of the bed and setting down a breakfast tray on her end table. "What?"

"You... Wait... It's a weekday..."

"And?" He gave her a bemused smile.

"Well... What about work? It's eleven o'clock in the morning. You're going to be so late!" Kat went to stand, but Felix put a hand on her shoulder, halting her.

She looked up, meeting his eyes with confusion. Why isn't he at work? He stayed home... To what? Make breakfast? What's going on?

"I'm not going in today. I asked for time off because I need a break."

"B-but... You h-haven't taken a break since..." Kat swallowed hard, looking away as her eyes flooded with tears.

"Since we lost the baby?" Felix asked softly. "I know... That's why I need one. And I have the feeling you need me right now."

Kat burst into tears, covering her face with her hands. "I... I thought... You hate me..."

Felix sat down beside her, wrapping his arms around her shaking form. She leaned into him, burying her face in his chest and letting herself fall apart. All of the depression, anguish, and heartbreak of the last few months flowed from her shattered soul into the tears she let fall unabashedly.

"Shh..." Felix soothed, running his hand up and down her back. "It's okay... It'll be alright, Kat."

She shook her head, pushing him away. "It's not, Felix... We're not okay... We weren't even before we lost the baby. Why has this fallen apart so badly? Why can't we be happy? Your coworkers and mine are. The neighbors are... In fact, the new neighbors are some of the happiest people I've ever known... Even after everything Mrs. Trenton has been through, she's still happy and at peace. Why can't I have that too?"

Felix froze. His hand stilled on the bed where he'd rested it when she pushed him away, and his brow furled. "I... I... Kat, maybe we're blowing this out of proportion? I mean, I think we're alright. Maybe we're having a rough time right now, but every couple has those times."

"Felix, you practically live at work, drink yourself to oblivion, and for all I know, you sleep with other women! How do you call that okay?" Kat demanded, crossing her arms.

"I'm not the only one who has problems," Felix defended.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I understand that, Felix. We both have problems. I get it... But that is the main issue. Neither of us is fixing the problems! You avoid it; I avoid it. We end up with an even worse problem, and neither of us know how to fix it."

"How about if we do something today? Just the two of us... Watch movies downstairs and eat take out maybe? Or we could play a board game... You used to like doing that." Felix rubbed his hands over his jeans, biting his lip.

"Felix, we need to talk about what's going on between us. Ignoring it is only making it worse," Kat insisted.

Felix sighed heavily and nodded. "Fine... We do need to talk. You first..."

***

"It was so kind of you to invite us over for dinner, dear," Mrs. Trenton said as she followed Kat into the kitchen. "It smells wonderful in here too."

Felix turned away from the stove where he'd been helping Kat fix the meal. Smiling, he nodded to the elderly couple. "Hello. I'm Felix, Kat's husband."

Mr. Trenton walked over with a gentle smile. "I'm James. It's nice to meet you."

The two exchanged a handshake as Mrs. Trenton introduced herself as well. Kat watched, happy for once, as the two men engaged in a conversation about cooking various types of game. Felix had grown up in a family of older brothers and a father who hunted. He didn't do much hunting anymore, but he still loved to cook, something he had learned along with hunting skills. Apparently, Mr. Trenton also enjoyed it.

Mrs. Trenton gave Kat a warm hug. "You look better today, Kat."

Kat smiled. "Things are better than they have been in a very long time," she murmured.

"That's good to hear."

Kat's smile fell slowly. "But we're still not okay yet... I feel so lost... Things seem to have lost all meaning to me. I have so many questions, so many holes in my life. I find myself wondering so many times what the point of life is... Where is it that we turn when our own strength isn't enough, anyway?"

Mrs. Trenton smiled. "I have an answer for that, my dear..."

"Yeah, I know," Kat whispered. "God..."

"He's always there. I think maybe you sense that what you rejected once is more than you thought. If He is calling, Kat, do not push Him away. Do not continue to reject His way, His Son, in favor of your own efforts. Do not wait until it is already too late to call upon His name."

Kat shifted from foot to foot, the words of the two men behind her blurring as she tuned it out to think. Maybe she's right... But how do I know for sure? How do I know it isn't just make-believe to help an old lady feel better about her life choices and hardships? She immediately felt bad for thinking that about Mrs. Trenton. There was definitely something different about the woman. It wasn't something she could explain away, even if what the woman believed was a fantasy.

Unless Mrs. Trenton was insane, there was no way she could find peace in the midst of her storms if what she believed was false. And Kat knew that Mrs. Trenton was not insane. Or at least, aside from her strange beliefs, she appeared to be in her right mind. So did her husband. What do they know and have that I don't? Kat asked herself.

Distantly, she said, "I'm not really interested in that kind of religious stuff, Mrs. Trenton... But I do appreciate your concern."

"Kat," Mrs. Trenton said, sighing. "I do wish you could see just how different this is from religion. Salvation and a life lived for Christ is no religion. It is a lifestyle, a complete surrendering of the will to the One who knows you best. Simply put, it is about a relationship. One not just of master to servant, but one of a child to a father."

Kat smiled weakly. "I'm not sure about that, but I'm glad you think so," she said, unsure how to respond. She stared down at her feet. "Anyway..."

Felix walked up and put an arm around her shoulders. "Dinner is ready, Kat... We just have to get it on the table. You want my help?"

Relieved that he'd stepped in to save the awkwardness from increasing, Kat nodded and headed to the oven with a hasty smile at Mrs. Trenton. Is she right? Kat wondered. Is it true that this is about a relationship? Does God really exist? If He does, can He truly be good as Mrs. Trenton says? I just don't know... I want to know... But I don't yet... Maybe I should give Him a chance. Maybe Mrs. Trenton is right about His speaking to me. There is certainly something that draws me to what she has to say, and I'm not ready to give up on the first hope that I've had in a long time...

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