Redemption

Chapter 6

"Where were you all afternoon?" her husband asked at dinner that night.

"I visited with our new neighbor. She seems nice, and so does her husband," Kat offered, smiling. The smile felt forced, and her voice was a bare whisper as she stared at her plate, refusing to meet his gaze.

"That's nice..." he answered, not even glancing at her.

"F-felix..." she whispered, suddenly hating how distant they were.

She'd been depressed for so long, and she just wanted him to forgive her. She wanted his love and his comfort. Somehow, she doubted she'd get it, but she was desperate now, and she felt she had to try.

"What?" he asked, glancing up with a frown.

"I... I ironed your work clothes," she stammered, flushing. What a stupid thing to say... He doesn't care about that. If I don't do it, he just does it himself. He really is just fine without me, she thought bitterly.

He raised a brow. "Katarina, if you have something to say, please just say it. Don't waste words on trivial things." Despite the politeness of his spoken words, there was a cold undercurrent that chilled Kat to the bone.

"You h-hate me, don't you?" Kat asked after a long pause.

His glance lingered on her longer before dropping back to his stew. He swirled it around in the bowl, a habit she'd noticed he took to when he got nervous. His lips pressed thinly together, and he didn't seem capable of answering her one way or the other.

Kat pushed her cooling bowl of barely touched stew toward him and cleared her throat, swallowing back tears. "I... I'm sorry," she whispered, her words thick and barely intelligible. Without another word, she pushed away from the table and fled.

***

Felix watched her go. Do I hate her? he asked himself. No. I'm angry at her, and I feel some resentment or bitterness toward her, but I couldn't ever hate her. I just can't find it in me to hate the woman I used to love so dearly.

But with that realization, Felix also had to admit that he didn't feel in love with his wife anymore. Especially not after losing their child because of her actions. Still, perhaps he should go to her and tell her he didn't hate her. He didn't want her to attempt suicide again, and he suspected she might.

Sighing, he got up from the table and covered their uneaten bowls of stew. His heart was unexpectedly heavy over this matter of their distance and crumbling relationship. Just tonight, he would concede and comfort his wife as he probably should've from the start when they first lost their baby.

***

Kat felt him slip under the covers next to her, his bare chest rubbing against her back where the tank top couldn't cover her skin. At first she stiffened, but when she realized he wasn't upset at the moment, she relaxed against him, sighing a little. Maybe, just maybe, he would forgive her, and they could mend this broken marriage. She was willing to do everything in her power to fix it if he would only let her.

Felix was all she had left; she couldn't watch him walk away from her.

"Felix, I'm sorry," she whispered into the darkness of the spare bedroom.

His arms tightened around her waist. She felt his breath on her neck and then his lips as he pressed them gently to her shoulder. "Don't, Katarina," he murmured back.

He sounded exhausted. There was still a tinge of bitterness coating his soft words, but there was more sadness there than he'd shown in a long time. She tried to wriggle out of his grasp to roll over and nestle against him, but he held her still against his chest with his embrace.

"F-felix..." She was trembling now with suppressed sobs that were screaming to be released from the depths of her ravaged soul.

"Katarina," he said gently. "Let it be enough that I'm here... I don't want to talk about what we've lost. Just go to sleep. Forget about your suicidal inclinations; I don't want you dead. And don't bother with tomorrow... Tomorrow is a new day. You can't expect things to change."

A tear slipped down her cheek as she realized the implications of his words. He hadn't forgiven her for the baby or for the more recent suicide attempt on her part. However, he didn't want her to die, and he wasn't willing to give her up, so he was here, giving her the comfort she had craved for months. It felt shallow and cold now, though, because she knew he didn't fully mean it. He was just doing what he thought was necessary.

Still, something was better than nothing, and she was grateful for this much since it was progress from nothing. Whimpering, she took Felix's advice and shut her eyes, trying to let sleep drown the events of the day and the worries tomorrow held.

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