~Before~
Tyler and Josh walked hand in hand into the forest.
"You know what Ty?" Josh asked.
"What do I know what Josh?" Tyler replied.
"I've always wanted to make music. I don't know, I can't really sing or play an instrument, but I bet I could if I tried really hard." Josh said.
"Yea, you probably could." Tyler replied, just trying to keep his boyfriend happy.
"And you could sing."
"Of course."
"And you got that tiny guitar."
"My ukulele."
"And the-the-the black and white thingy. The one you play at church."
"The piano."
"Oh yea, the piano, I always forget that one."
"It's okay Josh."
"But wait, you got your things, what do I do?"
"Anything you want to Josh."
"You know what I've always wanted to do?"
"What's that Josh?"
"Play drums."
"Is this an always or always starting a few seconds ago?" Tyler said with a giggle.
"I could do it! I bet I could! If I try real hard, just like I said!"
"Okay Josh, get some drums, and I'll teach you how to play okay?"
"Okay. And this time, I won't forget. I promise. Music must be one thing that wasn't affected back when-"
"I know, you don't have to bring that up."
"Sorry Ty..."
"Josh, it's okay, you don't have to be sorry."
"Okay so- I mean, okay."
~
After the mile-ish long trek Tyler and Josh make everyday to get to Their Spot™ in the woods.
"Tell me again why we picked a spot so far out?" Josh said in between breaths.
"It's the closest place that has a clearing near the river and good trees to climb and we know people won't be around here." Tyler replies.
"Okay. Got it. River, and climbin', and no people. Got it. River, and climbin', and no people..." Josh keeps repeating to himself to try to remember.
Moments later, Tyler is already in the trees. Climbing from branch to branch, similar to a monkey.
"Hey Tyler!" Josh calls out to the boy in the trees.
"Yes'm," Tyler calls back.
"You're a- thingys beepin. The a- DAMMIT! I KNOW THIS ONE! FUCK! IT'S A-A-A- SHIT! TYLER YOUR DAMN METAL RECTANGLE IS BEEPIN! IT SAYS MOM ON IT AND IT'S RED ON ONE SIDE AND GREEN ON THE OTHER." Tyler climbs down the trees smoothly, then picks up his phone.
"Hello mom? Yes? Yea I'm here with- Okay I'll go, but it'll take me a bit to get back home fir- Yes he's fine- Can he come t- Okay, okay, okay, yea, don't worry, we'll be back soon, love you." Great. Mom is in one of those moods.
"Josh we have to go back to the house, my mom needs me to run errands for her. Josh?" Tyler turns to see his boyfriend in tears.
"Josh baby it's okay. Shhhh. I know it's really hard to remember. I know baby. Shhhh. Don't cry, you'll remember one day, I promise."
"You promise?" Josh asks through sniffs.
"I promise." He says. Tyler hasn't been too good at the whole comforting part of the relationship. Before the accident, when Josh was okay, it was usually Tyler who needed the help and comfort, but now that Josh knows about as much as a three year old, it's the other way around. Josh always having these outbursts, but who could blame him? Knowing you know something but not really knowing at all must be hell. One could only imagine.
"Josh we gotta go back now okay?"
Josh straightens his posture and takes a deep breath, "Okay."
"You wanna race?"
"You're gonna get your ass kicked, Ty." Josh says with a laugh, then bolts off. Tyler always let's Josh win, even before the accident, or at least that's what he said to keep his ego up. Now, he let's him win so he can keep Josh on course towards Tyler's house.
~
When the boys get to the house, they are instantly bombarded by Tyler's mother.
"Where were you boys?"
"In the woods."
"What were you doing?"
"I was climbing trees and Josh was watching."
"Why did you go?"
"B'cause we were bored."
"Why didn't you ask first?"
"We couldn't find you."
"Why didn't you ask if Josh could come over?"
"We asked dad and he was fine with it."
"How long were you there?"
"Only a few minutes until you called."
"Whatever. I need you to do errands for me. There's a list on the dining room table of what I need done and bought. Take Josh home on your way out." Josh stood behind Tyler the entire time, using him as a shield kind of, but it didn't really work, he still felt hurt.
"Okay Josh let's go, bye mom, love you."
"Love you too Tyler, goodbye Josh."
"How come your mom don't like me?"
"Josh, this is something you need to try to remember okay?"
"Okay, I'll try, but a lots of the time that don't work to well."
"Well, you gotta try. Okay, so do you remember we're dating?"
"Yea, most of the time, sometimes I just think you're my best friend, and one time I had no clue who you were, but most of the time I remember you're my boyfriend. I think."
"Okay good, here's the thing about that, my mom doesn't like us dating, she doesn't even like us hanging out. She thinks you made me gay, which isn't true, it's just who I am. But, ever since the accident she thinks it's to say no to you, cause you're a little slow, she's trying to be polite, but it's not working. Make sense?" Josh sat there for a while trying to process all of what he just heard.
"So, your mom don't like me, because I like you, but she is nice because I forget a lot?"
"In a sense, yea."
"Is that why your mom is real hard on you? With like your music and school and uh uh b-b-ball sport."
"Basketball, yea."
"I'm sorry Tyler. I just make your life real hard. I'm sorry. I'll just leave you alone."
"No! Josh! That's not what I want! I want you to stay with me! Though it may seem like you make my life harder, you make it better, you really do. And I love you."
"Do you?"
"Yes Josh, with or without memory, I love you."
"I love you too T-T-T-uh-T fuck uh T-uh FUCK uh FUCK I HATE MYSELF! I CAN'T REMEMBER NOTHIN! I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY DAMN BOYFRIENDS NAME! I WANNA DIE. I WANNA DIE, TYLER I WANNA DIE."
"Josh you just said my name! See it's okay it's still up there! It's okay baby." Tyler took a hand off the steering wheel to put on Josh's shoulder, but Josh just swatted it off.
"Josh it's okay, my feelings aren't hurt, you're okay, you remembered, it's okay."
"BUT WHAT IF ONE DAY I DON'T REMEMBER? WHAT IF ONE DAY YOU TALK TO ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ARGH! I HATE THIS SO MUCH!" Josh screams, then punches the car's stereo system.
"Josh! Calm down! It's okay"
"Now I broke your damn--- music thing! The one thing I like, I broke. I can't do this. Take me home. Please."
"Josh you didn't break the radio." It's totally broken.
"Just, please take me home."
"Josh please stay with me right now."
"I want to go home."
"Okay, but you will see me tomorrow?"
"If I remember to." Josh mutters.
"I'll remind you, okay?"
"Okay."
~
Soon enough the boys arrive at the Dun resistance.
"Goodbye Josh."
"Bye Tyler."
"I love you." And Josh doesn't reply because he's already inside. Now Tyler has to do all the driving around alone, without music too. Too much time to think, over think. Fuck. Now is not the time to be like this Tyler. With Josh the way he is and all, now isn't the time to get 'bad' to put it nicely.
~
After Tyler gets home, the sun is setting.
"Tyler, you're just in time for dinner. Wash up and meet the rest of the family at the table." His mom says.
"Okay." Tyler says, slugging through the house.
"Tyler, would you please say grace?"
"Oh yea um, Dear Heavenly Father please bless the food set infront of us and please bless our days ahead. Lord, thank you for this wonderful day, and thank you for all you have given us. Amen." Tyler says then slowly lifts his head, peering at his family, trying to read their faces to see if his short prayer was sufficient.
"Tyler, have you been going to bible study?" His mom asks. Shit. It wasn't good enough.
"And Tyler, don't lie, remember the Lord sees all."
"Well uh, no. I haven't been going. The one at school, the one I like better is during lunch, and Josh needs help during lunch so I sit with Josh and make sure he doesn't get all mixed up." Tyler says. Tyler's mom rolls her eyes.
"Now Kelly, I know you don't approve of our son's friendship with Josh, but I think, in the Lord's eyes, helping the disabled is a greater good than bible studies." Tylers father says.
"I suppose you're right. Helping the disabled is the greater-"
"Stop calling Josh disabled! He's not disabled! He just can't remember things that well! He was in a car crash for God's sake! Have a little sympathy will you? I'm sorry he can't speak right, but he's my boyfriend and my best friend and I love him. Please, give him some respect!" Tyler screams, then runs off to his room.
