Day&Night (Wonho) COMPLETED

Twenty Nine

SeolHyun's POV

A few days have passed by while we all prepare to leave the dorms. We're going home for the first time in years. Everyone is giddy except for me. The only reason I'm doing this is because Wonho asked me. We both need closure on this matter. My bags are all packed and ready to go. We get exactly 4 days to ourselves, then we have to get back and start to prepare for our comeback. The president is extremely pleased with our album sales as well as our popularity. The again, all the bands in this company do it well. Seventeen are having their own comeback right now, again. I remember Wonwoo still being sick and kind of sad he couldn't go with them, but they're having a concert soon and he needs to recover before that. 

"Everyone ready to go?" EunHa asks and all the girls, except for me, yell. They know Wonho is taking me somewhere, but they're confused as to why I'm not happier with it. My boyfriend is taking me on a trip, I should be happy. They don't understand what this is putting me through. It'll be worth it. In the end it'll be fine. You have Wonho by your side. I just need to keep telling myself that and it will all come true. 

I'm the last one to stay in our dorms. Wonho is coming around with a car he got from the company and waited for all the others to leave. We don't want to rub it in their faces after all. I hear a honk coming from outside and dreadfully pick up my bags. I open the front door and walk over to his car. He gets out and helps me with my bags. 

"We're just going for 3 days", he laughs while putting them in the back of his SUV. "You know that right?" 

"Don't whine. You know how girls are", I try to feel more at ease and it works. Wonho joking around me is just the thing I need. We save the kisses for inside the car and when we're on our way. No need to provoke the media, is there? There's a ban on dating in my company and in his too. Most companies have this ban for the first few years of a group. Thats why no one really comes out with it. 

"Ready?" he asks the totally redundant question I didn't want him to ask. I nod my head slightly. I'm not sure if I'll ever be truly ready for this, but it needs to be done. That's what I keep telling myself anyways. "I'm here, okay?" He takes my hand in his while we drive. The car is in automatic and he can spare his hand to hold mine. We drive the rest of the way like that. No one really talks while we focus on some music. I feel nervous all the way through. God, this is eating me up on the inside. Wonho seems to be really focussed on the road and doesn't notice my fidgeting that much. 

Why do I feel so vulnerable after all these years? Why do they still have this kind of effect on me? I should be over this, but I'm not. Not in the slightest. It's really miserable to think about what could happen. But that's just the way I am, thanks to them. I always expect the worst now. They screwed me up royally. It's also making me really mad, to know what kind of power they still have over me. I hate it more than I actually hate myself. How can they actually do that to a kid? What was their problem? 

I was their problem. They hated me. More than anything else in this world. They still do. That's why coming back here is still so hard. The rejection was etched into their faces every time they saw me, no kidding. Now I am going to see that again, that same expression. The one I've been having bad dreams about my entire life. That makes me actually panic. The thought of their faces, twisted with anger and happy whenever they got to abuse me. 

My heart rate goes up and I start sweating, a lot. My head is spinning in all kinds of directions as my breathing becomes shallow. This is a full on panic attack. I feel as if I might die from the squeezing pain in my heart. The car disappears and everything goes black from here on. I need to focus on my breathing, but there is no reason when you're in this state. In the back of my head I hear someone screaming out my name. Wonho. He must be so worried. My breathing is becoming more rapid as I hear him saying my name. Why is he here? Why does he have to see? I'm nothing, no one, why does he love me? Does he even love me? I'm not sure about anything right now.