Day&Night (Wonho) COMPLETED

Forty One

SeolHyun's POV

A few weeks have flow by like it was nothing at all. We've been practicing all the time and have been going around to film our music video. It's been a really tough couple of days, but we've managed to get through it all. The girls and I have been very patient and have worked our asses off to get where we are today: in the weekly idol studios. It's kind of weird being here since I haven't really seen Wonho in all of those preparation weeks. Monsta X has been very busy too since they just had their comeback stage yesterday. They look very tired while standing there. I have to keep myself from running over to Wonho and hug him. I've missed him. My body has missed him. Just a single hug would do, but that would give us away. The people in the studio know we've been friends since childhood, but they don't know about us dating. Well, most of them don't. My band knows, I'm assuming Monsta X knows and our management knows. If Starship were to find out, Wonho would not be here. 

I got a lecture before coming here from our manager. He told me to keep my distance from Wonho and to make sure it would not be too obvious. And here I stand, a couple of feet away from him, refraining from saying a proper hello. Wonho just keeps staring at his feet, because eye-contact would give him away. I know him too well to know that. Wonho's eyes have always been his weakness. 

"You guys can say hi to each other", Dony tells us and we all bow and go greet each other. The members of my group all bow deeply towards the others. 

"It's good to see you again", Jooheo says to me and I smile. 

"Yeah, it's been a while. Heard your comeback, sounds amazing", I say back and bow again. 

"I heard we'll be seeing you guys again soon on your comeback?" he asks me and I nod. 

"Next week!" 

We talk a bit more and see our groups mingle a little until it's time to start shooting. We're placed in two groups on each side of Cony and Dony. They are having fun with their intro while we run inside while our names are being said. When we're all in formation, the chairs come out. Each one of us is handed a mic and we sit down. They even prepared blankets for us to use since we're wearing skirts and dresses. 

At first it's all kind of weird. This is our first variety show and it shows we're not used to these kind of things. Monsta X are behaving like it's an every day thing for them. It's their second time on the show and they've done some variety shows too. We'll be doing one next week too: ASC. This is kind of our practice. By then, this will not have aired yet since they always pre-record. We're a bit awkward because it's so sudden. The boys try to get us involved into this and do their absolute best to make us feel at ease. Even Cony and Dony are making an effort. Some of us find their way a bit faster than others. And I'm the one that is the most shy halfway through. The others have thawed and I just keep on having difficulties. I don't want the fans to see me this way. 

"I'm sorry, I feel a bit sick, could I go to the bathroom for a second?" I ask after another segment has been rounded up. They nod their heads, my members look confused and worried, and Wonho's eyes don't leave me until I'm outside. I run for the bathroom and hid inside a stall. My head is spinning and my heart is beating so fast. The world around me is so blurry, I need to stop myself from passing out. I know what this is, it's a panic attack. I've had more of those than I can count. But why does it have to come now? On stage I feel perfectly fine... Why does it have to be during a variety show? We need to show more of ourselves and currently I'm fucking that up. This is not good. 

"Seollie?" I head on the other side of the door of the bathroom. "Are you okay?" I don't answer because it's hard to find my voice. "I'm coming in." The door opens, but I'm still protected by my stall door. He leans against it. "Are you having a panic attack?" He's spot on. Like always. There's just no one in this world who knows me like he does. "Don't be afraid. I'm here to help you... This is just a show, nothing more..." He sighs and shifts. "Please open this door?"