Sorry

Chapter Five

My alarm clock woke me up early. A song with a long drum beat and guitar riffs boomed through my bedroom, pounding in my eardrums. It didn't shock me. I was awake mostly anyways. I shut it off, rolled out of bed and went immediately to my closet. I peeked outside, into the backyard. The morning was still slightly dark, and it was cloudy.

Dark days can match dark moods.

I pulled clothes that hadn't been worn for years out of the closet. A black buttoned tank top was layered over a dark maroon colored shirt, and black jeans. Thick mascara was applied to my already lengthy eyelashes. I decided that eyeliner wings and purple eyeshadow looked good with it. When I was done, I stepped back and looked in the mirror. I saw a different girl, not me.

I am not Heather.

I saw someone that could be a girl that stood out, for the right reasons.

Never the wrong reasons. Never again.

I left for school early, not bothering to catch my rumbling bus.

I should just call it yellow Hell. That's what it is.

Stopping at a Starbucks, I pulled my red and white plaid coat around me tighter. The confidence about myself that morning eluded me, leaving me alone shivering in tight clothing and lots of makeup. This was the first time in a few years I had been in a public place alone, filled with strangers.

Dear god what am I doing?

I backed up, and ran outside. A car stopped next to me on the curb. Inside was a man. He rolled down the window and called, "are you okay?"

I stared at him.

"Is something wrong? Here, get in the car and give me your address. I'll drive you home."

Kidnapper. Run Heather.

My feet remained cemented to the ground. He leaned over and opened the passenger door. I was frozen in my spot, but managed to slowly shake my head.

"Why not?"

C'mon you oaf, run already! Move!

I shook my head again.

"C'mon. Get in the car, kid," he snarled. I turned and ran, dodging people until I found myself in a relatively empty street corner, and crouched next to a stop sign. I wanted to talk to somebody, I needed to talk to somebody. Somebody who understood. So I flipped open my phone, and dialed.

"Hello?" the other line said. I smiled. With just hearing her voice, my spirits lifted.

Madeline Johnson.

In response to her greeting, even though she clearly didn't recognize the number, I squealed. She shrieked back at me.

Guess she recognized that.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!" Her voice practically punctured my eardrum. But it was okay, I missed her yelling.

"Madeline! It's been forever!"

"Forever? What are you talking about, we hung just a few days ago. We went skydiving, remember?"

I crinkled my brow in confusion before I came to my senses. She had probably hallucinated us hanging out, as a way of dealing with absence.

She hallucinates me? Aw, that's so nice.

I was surprised she had actually answered. Most times, Madeline either didn't, or couldn't answer her phone. She still lived at Paisley Lake institution.

That death trap prison.

"Oh yeah, that's right," I said. "How have you been since then?"

I could almost see her shrug, and cradle the phone between her shoulder and ear.

"Good, my brother took me out to eat yesterday, and Sophia rented a movie for us to watch."

Sophia was Madeline's brother's fiancé. She was twenty three, and I had only met her once, but she was as pretty as a model. She had gorgeously straight blonde hair that I would kill for, and bright blue eyes.

"That's fun," I commented.

"Yeah. How are you? Is life in the outer world treating you good?"

I didn't answer.

Can I tell her?

"Um..."

"Heather, what aren't you telling me?"

I glanced at my watch. It was six forty two. Mentally, I let out a sigh of relief.

"Sorry Mad, I have to go. School is starting," I said and hung up before she could reply.

I can't tell anyone.

I ditched school that day, and wandered around in a McDonald's until noon. Aunt Mary had started work a half hour earlier. She would be tucked away in her cozy office building by now, and I would be alone. Confident she wouldn't catch me, I threw out my McFlurry, and headed home. What I found, was anything but solidarity.

They sat inside the living room. It looked like they were waiting for me. I looked around before saying possibly the stupidest question in the world.

"What's going on?"

Sarah Spencer exchanged a glance with Aunt Mary. She knew I wasn't that dumb. An orderly I had never seen before slid behind, standing next to the door.

So I can't run.

Two nurses sat on the brown felt sofa. Sarah Spencer was lounged uncomfortably in the white recliner. My aunt was perched on the loveseat, wringing her hands nervously.

"The school called," she blurted out. "They said you didn't show up."

I backed up into the corner of the room.

Can I disappear? Like, now?

Sarah Spencer rose and neared me.

"Honey, your aunt and I, we've been thinking. It might be good if you come back to Paisley Lake for a little while."

I almost couldn't believe my ears. First, I was shocked that they could ever think that, but my recent actions came into my mind.

Ok, I guess I get why they think that. But no way am I ever going back!

"No," I said forcefully.

"Heather please," my aunt pleaded. "You need help, just look at what you did to your hair! And You hit a girl at school? Please sweetheart."

"I'm fine," I lied.

I will never go back. I can't go back.

Aunt Mary hid her face in her hands. I wondered if she was crying, but I realized too late. She was avoiding to look at me.

I've hurt her.

The orderly that was guarding the door grabbed my wrist. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had influenced someone.

Being numb is the only way.

A nurse that had been sitting shot a needle into my wrist. I felt myself falling, and soon I was laying on my back.

Being numb is the only way to survive.

My eyes fluttered shut, sending me into a deep, sedative induced sleep.

It was always the only way.

*****
Hello! Just wanted to pop a note in here saying thank you for the people who are leaving positive comments on my story! Writing is my whole world, and it feels good to get encouragement! Please don't be a ghost while reading. Thanks you!

-Gwendolyn