Sorry

Chapter Eleven

I didn't tell anyone about my encounter with Aiden. It was too depressing. I didn't want to admit I still loved him, even after what he had done to me. I saw him a few times at school, in the hallways. He didn't stop to say hello.

Why didn't I see him before?

Madeline called my phone, multiple times but I didn't answer. I couldn't. I was frozen in my body, a thing that floated listlessly through life. The numbness was getting worse.

I was outside. It was cool out, and I shivered in my coat. I was waiting for Aunt Mary to pick me up after a meeting with my guidance counselor. As I stood on the curb, someone stepped behind me. I didn't have to look to see who it was.

"Heather. How have you been?"

I turned, to see Aiden. My love for him swelled again.

Why are you asking now?

"Fine," I said curtly.

He stepped closer, and put his hand on my arm. I could almost feel his touch freeze my skin.

"I know we left things on a bad note. I wanted to say sorry, for taking advantage of you like that. And um, for what I said about the kid. You didn't really get rid of it, did you?"

I nodded, frigid and afraid. His hand left mine, and in a snap his warm eyes turned cold.

Just like usual.

"You did? Heather... Heather that's kind of heartless."

I opened my mouth, but a car beeped. I looked behind me. It was aunt Mary.

"I have to go," I said and broke away.

"Who was that?" Aunt Mary asked once I got in and we were zooming down the road.

"Nobody," I said leaning down in my seat. "It was nobody."

At home, I rushed away from my cheerful aunt, and into my room. The tears fell silently from my eyes, as I thought about what he said.

Heartless. I'm heartless.

I wasn't heartless, and I definitely wasn't numb. I stood, and walked down the hall.

I closed the bathroom door and started running cold water. I looked at myself in the mirror. Mascara was smudged along my eyelid, and my cheeks were flushed bright scarlet red. I brushed a curl behind my ear, only to have it fall in my eyes again.

I filled the bathroom cup to the brim with cold water, and opened the medicine cabinet. With a firm and steady hand, I took out the aspirin bottle and twisted the cap.

I am not heartless.

I took a long gulp of the icy water, feeling the metallic taste swirl down my throat. I paused, pills in my hand, poised at my lips.

I was lost.

I took another drink, my hand relieved of the little, lethal pills. I closed the aspirin, dumped the rest of the water and went back to my room.

I unlocked my nightstand drawer, and took out a folded piece of paper. I placed it on the nightstand, and laid in my bed, curly ends of hair obscuring my vision. The metallic taste was stronger in my throat now, but somehow it felt like the best thing in the world.

I was afraid.

I turned to look at the picture of my mom on my nightstand. My vision momentarily darkened, my eyelashes fluttering. The picture of her sent me into a memory.

It was sunny out. I was six years old, teetering precariously on a bike. Elbow and knee pads were wrapped tightly, while a heavy helmet on my head depicted Snow White. I was small, innocent. Happy. Dad was crouched next to me, his twinkling brown eyes full of pride.

"Remember to peddle, okay princess?"

"Okay Daddy."

Mom stood a few feet away, camcorder in her hand. A breeze sifted through her hair, wavy strands dancing in the wind. She looked anxious.

"Be careful Heather. I'm right here. Just in case."

I smiled at her and kicked the ground. I was raring to go, ready to ride a big-girl bike. I set my feet on the peddles and Dad pushed the back of my seat. The bike went forward, rolling quickly. I peddled along while Dad ran next to me. My hair was flopping behind me while the rush of air made my eyes burn. It felt wonderful. I was flying. Suddenly, Dad let go. I was riding. He stood and watched as I rode totteringly around. I was happy, together and alone all at once. But my foot caught on a pink, plastic peddle. My purple and pink bike pitched forward and my moment of perfectness ended quickly. Next thing I know, I'm on the street, bike forgotten at my side. I was clutching a bloody shin and crying. Mom was running. She scooped me up and whispered in my ears. Her breath tickled my neck. Dad picked up the bike and asked if I want to try again. I shook my head, terrified of it. Why would something so wonderful end with so much pain?

"It's okay baby," Mom whispered. She smoothed my hair. "Don't be afraid."

My memory cuts off as my chest heaves again.

I don't want to be afraid. I'm not afraid.

My chest freezes, the pain in my stomach disappearing. My eyes shut, sending me into the darkest, deepest, happiest sleep I had ever been in.

I'm not sorry.

*****
A/N

Hi guys! This is it, this is the end of Heather's story. Kind of. I will be posting the epilogue tomorrow. I'll have a full blown author's note at the end of that, so make sure you read it!

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-Gwendolyn