so far away

Chapter 2 'stupid me'

When I came back home, I went straight to my room and opened my laptop. I felt alone, weird feeling. Weird to back in my house again, but this time not in the company of Niall. Weird to not hear his voice every moment of the day. I went to twitter and what I saw next was awful. 

My mentions were exploading, I was shocked. So many rude responds on my tweet, why did people do this? But the answer was simple: I'd stolen their boy, and not everybody agreed with that. The mental war had begun, and I didn't know if I was ready for this. 

I started to read the mentions: some were nice, but other ones were disgusting. And the more I read, the more they made me feel miserable. Why did I give these girls any attention? I was so curious about the responds that I only thought about the positive ones before I started reading, now I realised that most of them were negative. I made a mistake by reading my mentions. I turned off my laptop and went downstairs. I walked over to our dvd collection and searched for a comedy. I wanted to laugh, really hard, so I could forget about the miserable feeling. I found the perfect movie: Grown Ups. I went to the kitchen and searched for some candy, eventually I found some chocolate. I took a cup of tea and walked back to the couch with my tea and chocolate. I snuggled up in the couch, covered myself with a blanket and pressed "play". Hoping that the movie would make me forget about the mentions. 'Ignore them Charlotte, just ignore them. They can't beat you, no one can.' my mind kept saying. But not even Grown Ups could make me forget about the mentions.

As the day went on, the mentions just kept coming. I watched 4 movies; two more comedies, one detective and Marley and Me. I started crying, something I hadn't done in a really long time. What was happening to me? I didn't want to become an emotional mess. Stupid puberty. My mom and dad were a bit worried about me so they called me almost every hour to ask if I was okay. My answer was always yes, I'm okay. I didn't want to bother them with my problems, I didn't want them to come home and wannabe take care of me. I could take care of myself. Also my brother called me several times to ask if I was okay, I also told him I was fine.

But I wasn't...

I needed someone around, I needed a person that would listen to me. The one person that I could call was George, and that's why I decided to give him a call. George was my best friend for almost 12 years and I needed him now. He answered his phone really soon.

'Hi Lottie, how are ya?' George's voice felt safe, I knew I made a good choice by calling him.

'Hey Georgie, not so good actually. I just... those comments....' Lots of silences between my words, I needed to cry but didn't want to. again. How was I going to explain this to him? I just didn't know how to but at the same time I knew he was the only person I wanted en could tell it to. 

'Lot, what comments? I don't understand, shall I come over? that makes talking so much easier.' I heard him laugh a bit, he was one of the sweetest persons I knew. He tried to comfort me a little bit, that sweet boy. Quick flashback; I met George when we were six and now, 12 years later, we were still really good friends. We used to be the funny kids from class, we didn't like to learn things. We just wanted to play outside all day long. 

'Yes please, I really need someone here. I'm home alone and just freaking out a bit. just a  bit though.' I felt a bit better, even hearing George's voice made me feel better, just because I knew everything he said was honest. So that's how I knew that he really wanted to come, and didn't see it as an obligation. 

'Okay, count till 10 and I'll be there. 

..

well that's a joke, 10 minutes and I'll be there. I'm already on my bike. Byee' and he hung up. I turned off the television and put away the blanket in the basket where it belongs. I cleaned the table and made the living room a sort of clean again so I could let George in. I hated my life at the moment. The only persons who cared about me were my friends and parents. 

But then I saw a new mention, and I just couldn't believe what was standing there, on the internet, where everybody could see it.

@NiallOfficial '@Charlottie95 Had one of the best weeks so far. Miss you already. Oh, I'm safe home :)'

It made me feel so good, but at the same time I saw all those rude comments. Luckily George was on his way because this was a complete new feeling for me. I felt defeated, defeated by my own mind and heart. And it felt awful.

I turned on the television again, hoping that I would think of anything else than all those rude tweets towards me. Tell sell. I didn't mind what was on, everything was better than the silence. The silence was killing me from the inside. 

Oh, stupid me. Why did I read along? I should've ignored all those negative tweets. Niall even warned me for them: 'Do not read all your mentions, lots of negative ones will come to you. Those tweets can make you feel ugly, dumb and what so ever. And you aren't.' 

And I and my stupid mind just said that I wasn't one of those girls who was going to let those tweets bring me down.

I was so wrong.

Then I heard the doorbell.

A/N: 1. Charlotte is a Dutch girl, and talks with her friends in Dutch. But you'll read them here in English. 2. I made up the twitter account, it probably excists for real. But yeah. That's not me or anyone I know.