I Spy

Epilogue

I couldn’t believe it.  It couldn’t be true.  He couldn’t be dead.  He was always there, never leaving.  I refused to accept it.  I couldn’t accept it. 

He was not dead. 

But he was. The guy that had played one of the biggest roles in my life for the last year or so was gone.  He was never coming back.  He could never come back.  And it was my dad’s fault. 

How could I have been so stupid, believing everything that they said that day?  Why didn’t I just see my dad for who he really was?  Why didn’t he show me who he really was? 

After that horrific incident in the snow, I wasn’t the same person.  Help came once my dad had fired that terrible shot and Ryan was fine.  My dad was fine.  I was fine.  Everything should have been fine, right? 

No. 

He wasn’t fine.  He was gone.  And it was only me left.  I was on my own.  I would no longer always have to worry about him; where he was and if he was still alive.  I no longer had to care about him knowing where I was and knowing if he would be able to get to me.  Because he was gone and he was never coming back. 

Why could I not understand that? 

Because it seemed unreal.  It all happened too quickly.  It all happened in such a blur that the only thing that seemed to stain my memory was the image of the red blood; the red blood against the white snow.  The way it spread so gradually and so disturbingly through the snow.  The way it bled out of the open wound left on his chest, coming from the heart which would no longer beat. 

“Marley, it’s time to leave.” 

Three days had passes since the incident.  I wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of Blackwood.  The familiar buildings, the always-present grey sky and the friendly people were a part of my life I wasn’t ready to let go.  They were the things that no one could take away from me.  Not even a man with a gun. 

“I don’t want to.” 

People had decided it was better to leave me alone.  The only person disturbing me had been Casey.  She was the only one who I allowed in, and that was only to bring me my meals.  Everyone else stayed clear of my room and me. 

“You have to,” the person who had entered my room with no permission sighed.  “You still have a mission to complete.” 

“It’s pointless now.” 

My voice was flat; emotionless and empty.  Just like I was feeling. 

“It’s not.”  The person sat next to me on my window seat and took my hand.  “Stan is still out there.” 

“I don’t care about Stan.” 

“Damn it, Marley!” the person shouted.  “You’ve been cramped up in here for three days now, it’s time to accept that he’s dead and face the reality.  You have to find Stan.  We have to find Stan.” 

Their voice was begging, desperate.  Why is it that I felt I had to do what it told me? 

“Why do I have to?” 

“God, Marley, get out of this state you’re in and start flipping being normal again.  This may sound harsh but right now I don’t care.  You’ve been in here for three days refusing to see anyone or talk to anyone.  Everyone is worried out of their minds and you don’t even care!”  They sat down and their voice was softer the second time.  “You don’t even care.” 

“Of course I care!” I screamed. 

“Then bloody well prove it!  Get off your pity train and go and find Stan!” 

I closed my eyes and forced myself to calm down.  I needed to do that, the person was right.  Why was I being this way, anyway? 

“Where is he?” 

“We think he’s in Australia,” the person sighed.  “Are you ready to go?” 

“I think so,” I said, standing up and facing the person standing in my room. 

“Good,” they said, smiling that familiar smile that forced one onto my face. 

“Thank you, Ant.”