What The Hell Is Going On? (Book 2) (Mortal Instruments)

Chapter 2

You wake up from the dream as your heart squeezes painfully. These dreams seem like dreams, but you fear that they aren't just dreams. You ponder the thought that maybe you have the power to see the future and that the dreams are actually visions. The longer you ponder this the more it seems likely and the answer.

You quickly change into a (F/C) top and a pair of leather pants and boots. You pull your hair into a Chinese bun before leaving your room with your phone in your back pocket. You go into the kitchen noticing how quiet it is and frown. Normally your father is awake before you, but it seems like he is still asleep. You smile and begin cooking breakfast as quietly as you can. You hear the front door open and footsteps approaching you. You peer behind you to see Izzy coming towards you as you finish making breakfast. You make the both of you plates and place one in front of her as you eat standing up. You hear a door open and Alec walks in with damp hair. You slide him a plate as your father walks in. You slide him a plate as you pick up Izzy's plate. You clean both plates and once Alec and your father finish you clean theirs as well. As you stand there with them watching you begin humming and tapping your fingers against the counter. Unconsciously you begin to softly sing Why So Lonely by Wonder Girls. Losing yourself in the song you sway side to side and sing until you reach the end. When you turn around Izzy and Alec are staring with their mouths hanging open as your father smiles. You scratch the back of your neck sheepishly as you realise they heard you singing.

"Sorry I forgot you guys were there."

"No (Y/N) that was amazing! I didn't know your singing was that good." Izzy bursts out excitedly.

"Really? I don't think my voice is that great."

"I'll prove it to you."

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion until you hear a melodic voice throughout the apartment. You see your phone in Izzy's hand and when she taps it the voice stops. You take your phone and see a video with your back facing the camera.

"That's me?"

"Yes girl. I told you, you have an amazing voice."

"Wow I never knew. No one told me so I thought I had an average voice."

"We are filming you singing. We don't have to show your face, but this is going on YouTube."

You shrug not bothered by it and she pulls you into your room. She sets you in front of your mirror and grabs the makeup brush and looking around before dashing out. She runs back in with the jar of glitter from your father's room. She quickly adds some around your eyes before sitting in front of you. She holds up the phone, but pauses causing you to frown.

"Izzy what's wrong?"

"Do you have a song in mind?"

"Go through my music and pick one for me."

You sit there calmly as she scrolls through your music. There's no telling what song she'll pick for you to sing. You see her face light up and wait to see the song. She turns the phone to you with the song highlighted. You smile at the thought of singing Wolf by EXO-M. It's been forever since you last sang it, but you still remember the song well. You nod and she turns the phone and begins filming. You sing the song with your eyes closed so it feels like you're singing like normal. Once you finish the song and she stops the video she looks sheepish.

"What is it Izzy?"

"Would you mind singing another song for me?"

"Sure what song is it?"

"Butterfly by Bangtan Boys."

Your heart twists painfully at the memory of showing it to Sebastian. You take a deep breath before nodding. You pick your head and close your eyes before beginning. You put your heart into the song and feel the tears stream down your face. It feels like your heart is breaking all over again and you know it can be heard in your voice, but you don't care. You finish singing and wipe the tears from your eyes and face. You look to see Izzy staring shocked before she pulls you into a hug.

"I didn't know you hurt so much over him. You really love him and it's obvious that the song makes you remember him."

"The last person I showed the song to was Sebastian. He didn't understand because it was in Korean, but I can translate it word for word and I think of him with this song."

"God (Y/N) why didn't you reach out to anyone instead of locking yourself away?"

"Because no one truly understands except a friend of my father's and she was busy. She tried to come, but she's stuck right now. She's helped a bit, but this feeling will only lessen as life goes on. There's no way to stop the pain except to try and ignore it. It's so hard though and I don't want Alec or my father to worry so I fake happiness."

"That's why you tried to help me so I wouldn't fall in the same hole. You had no one to help you though and you can't climb out. Oh (Y/N)."

"Yeah and the sucky thing is I still dream about that day. I try to be nice to Jace for Clary's sake, but when he pulls shit like he did yesterday it's so hard. I try and he just tries to hurt me. I don't care if he talks about me, but he can't talk about Sebastian like that. He's in the same fucking boat except he doesn't have demon blood. He thinks just because he has more angel blood he is superior to me and Sebastian. Sorry Izzy I didn't mean for all that to come out."

"It's fine. You need to get it off your chest. I have to leave, but I'll see you tomorrow. Meet me in the training room."

"Alright Izzy I'll see you tomorrow."

Once she leaves the drowning feeling returns and you begin to breath quickly. After a few minutes it subsides and your breathing returns to normal. You take off the glitter and pull on one of Sebastian's shirts. Once you do all of that you crawl under the covers and stare at the ceiling. You mind blanks out for a while and when you check your phone you realise it's late afternoon. You turn over to face your door with a sigh and hear the door knob turn. Your father sticks his head in and looks for you hoping your still moving around. When he sees you in bed he deflates a little before walking over to you. He sits on the edge of your bed and moves your hair out of the way with worried eyes.

"Raindrop how are you feeling?"

"A little down, but it's not as bad as last time. I just think having Izzy over for so long took a bit of my energy."

"Are you still having problems sleeping?"

"Yeah, but it's not avoidable. It's why I don't have a lot of energy. I barely sleep and if I sleep long enough I'm plagued with nightmares. I think I'm going to turn in early and try to get some sleep. Maybe if I sleep during the day I won't have nightmares."

"You know you can come to me if you need anything right?"

"Yeah I just want to move past all of this though maybe then I can have some normalcy."

"I'll check to see if Tessa is still busy and if she is what advice she can give. Goodnight Raindrop." He kisses your forehead before turning the light off and leaving.

You close your eyes and slowly drift off, but your idea doesn't work. You're automatically dropped into a nightmare.

*A/N: Welcome back my shadowhunters! The next few chapters are going to be filler chapters. I already have this planned out and you won't be playing a big part in City of Fallen Angels because you're going to be trying to get over Sebastian. Clary will come to you for help, but for a secret reason you won't be able to help. You will be there when Sebastian awakens and I might have people's reactions to your disappearance at the end like I did in the last book. I love you my darling shadowhunters until next time!*

Edited: January 14, 2018