When the heart betrays

I'm okay

Rather than living, this feels like existing.
Constantly trying not to suffocate.
Pretending to be joyous when my chest hurts from all the self-hate I've accumulated inside of me.
Smiling on the outside when I'm filled with sadness.
Knowing I'm not wanted anywhere.
Panicking at the thought of you leaving.
Wishing I won't wake up when I go to sleep.
Such a miserable life...

I'm not living, yet I'm still alive