prove me wrong (joshler)

•chapter 3•

major trigger warning!!
suicidal thoughts/ actions
voices etc.

hello frens it's me sorry i haven't been updating daily like i promised. i had a school thing to go to and it didn't end well :/ but that's ok enjoy this chapter it's kinda a filler but eh

third person p.o.v

  tyler comes running home from school with tears burning in his eyes. the memory of his period with josh was haunting him more than ever. his pace quickens as he passes a group of people and shoves through them in a rush. "yo man watch where your going!" one of them yells at him. tyler ignores it and basically runs home.

                         •  •  •

tylers p.o.v:

*flashback*

"hey what's up? the boy with pink hair asks as i sit down awkwardly next to him. i give him a slight smile and focus my attention to my shoes, examining the thread that was sort of coming out the side of the lace. (it was honestly bothering me a little bit)
"so what did you say your name was again?" josh asked debby.
"debby." she said with a toothy smile and it seemed that her red hair bounced along with her head.
"ah im josh-" he looked over at me and i could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face, like he was looking at everything i have done. i started to become anxious, my heart started beating out of my chest and my breath staggering.
"and what's your name?" he said.
i looked at him to not seem rude,
"im tyler" i managed to slip out
"nice to meet you, tyler" he says and the dimples on the side of his face making him look so cute!
josh and debby begin to discuss the basics of the project... but my attention remained on josh. in fact i was staring and he was right next to me.
"aw"
debby and josh whipped around and looked at me.
"what?" she giggled "aw what?"
"i-i n-no that's not what i- n-no-"
"did you call me cute, tyler?" he said jokingly.
"no no! i was looking at something else!"

please don't hate me, josh.

well obviously he knows your gay now.

" shut up-"
no
it slipped out again

"what?! tyler, are you alright?!" exclaimed debby.
"i didn't mean it torwards you i promise"
"no it's fine, tyler. just anyway for the project... Um sorry i was thinking we could-"

and yet again, i could feel his  dark brown, squinty eyes, staring into my soul. and every second of it killed me

*end of flashback*

i lay on my bed, replaying the scene in my head. over and over and over again until the thought of it brought me to tears. ive only met josh once but i knew i liked him...i didn't really want to admit it but it's kinda true.

he'll never understand you, your just a crying little boy who only wants joshs attention.

"WHY WONT YOU GO TO SOMONE ELSES HEAD?!" i cried out. i was home alone, so it didn't really matter.
"why me?" i sobbed.

you'd be all alone if you didn't have me

part of me wanted to tell him he was wrong.... but i thought about it and i knew he was right. i held my knees up to my chest and sobbed violently loud against the comforter and the muffled sounds bounced back at me like an echo in a canyon... or maybe the forest right outside.

get them

"no, please."

get them now, you'll feel better

"i can't no stop, leave"

get them now

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Trigger Warning Beware

the razors were sitting on the palm of my hand, they're all that i have and all that i need. the small pieces of metal dance on my fingers as i trace over my wrist lightly.

do it

"no please i can't... i-i... no" tears streaming down my face and they stung in my eyes... but i just realized i was worthless and no one would care.
the first slash always hurts the worse, but like crying, once i start i can't stop...
i sobbed loudly as small balls of blood formed from the gash that i just created on my left wrist

come on tyler did i tell you to stop?

"i just want this to be over!!"

then why don't you do something about it? or are you too scared to?

he's right...

i cut all down my wrist and on my upper arm and my upper thigh with no aim or care or even trying to make the lines go certain ways...

they're in the bathroom tyler...

"i-i know..."

so what are you gonna do about it?

my feet seemed to control themselves and rushed my body to the bathroom. my vision was blurry and my head was spinning see colors or black, green and purple dots formed at the corners of my eyes. i reached to turn on the light in my bathroom and my eyes glanced up and the mirror and i see myself. skinny body, no muscles, my face was puffy from crying and my lips were pouted and i looked like an idiot...
"i bet no one in my grade thinks like this..." i say to myself... "josh probably dosent..." i choke on a sob... " he's probably normal...a normal boy... who's probably into girls..."
stop it tyler... why can't you be into girls like everyone else?!

i snatch the orange smol bottle of pills from the cabinet by my mirror. screw it, im not worth it.

as i laid down on my bed everything went to a blur but no time seemed to pass as i snap up to my mother screaming

"TYLER"
she comes rushing over to me but i couldn't seem to move
"TYLER LOOK AT ME PLEASE"
i looked at her but i didn't turn my head... i just moved my eyes at her.
"baby... can you hear me?!"
"why do you care all of a sudden-"
"oh no baby... what did you do to your arms no..."
"MOM!" i snapped up, snatching my arms away from her
" tyler...i"
i interrupted her
"YOU HAVENT EVEN BEEN HOME FOR TWO WEEKS AND BEFORE THAT YOU DIDNT CARE!!"
i stopped to take a breath and wipe the tears from my eyes... i glances at the clock and realized i have to leave for school right now...

my mother cut me off
"tyler i know i haven't been the best-"
"i have to go to school goodbye"

i threw on my black ohio state jacket and headed out the door with tears in my eyes and just mad at everything that happened...

HEY GUYS IM SO SORRY FOR THIS DEPRESSING CHAPTER LOVE ME💜💜 ty guys so much for reading! Be sure to vote and leave a comment!!