If Only You Knew

Chapter Thirty - Fire and Ice

Erza looked at Gray, and she could see in his eyes that he was struggling to find words.

"Erza, I was never going to tell you. It's my biggest secret, and it's one I was prepared to keep for the rest of my life. But then Jellal came, and I didn't want to lose you. You need to know the truth. I see now that it was foolish of me to keep it from you. It has bubbled up inside of me, tearing me apart every single day. I can't keep it any longer. What I'm about to say will change everything between us, and it will affect both of us for the rest of our lives. You don't need to respond, you don't need to say anything, this is just something that I want you to know. But before I say it, I need to ask you, do you want to know? Because I can say nothing and everything will stay the same, and our relationship will be fine. If you want me to stop, just say the word and I will," the words came pouring out of Gray's mouth.

There was a moment of silence. Erza processed Gray's words. Do I want to know? she wondered. What am I thinking? It's tearing him apart, I have to let him tell me. He's my best friend; whatever burden he's bearing we'll bear together.

"Tell me," she said.

Gray took a deep breath. Am I really about to do this? he asked himself. I've kept it for so long...Ugh, Gray, stop doubting yourself. You have to tell her. Here. Now. There's no other way.

"Erza..."

He paused. He looked at her. He looked at her face, her eyes, the way she stood, the way she looked at him, waiting for him to speak. She was here, with him, ready and willing to listen to whatever he was about to say. He hoped that would never change.

"I love you."

Her eyes widened slightly. He didn't wait for her to respond.

"I'm in love with you. I have been ever since I found you crying by the river. Ever since we were kids. I vowed to stay close to you, to remain by your side, and to never again let you cry alone. I said I would never let anything happen to you, so when you almost died...that's why I traveled through hell and risked everything to save you. I had nothing left to lose. Erza, you're all that matters to me. More than my own life, more than anything else in the world. I've been your best friend all this time, and I hope I always will be, no matter what. It doesn't matter to me if you return my feelings. I'm not asking you to, I just wanted you to know the truth. I'm sorry for burdening you with this, and I hope you can forgive me. I'll give you time to let this sink in. We can talk when your ready. Give me a call," and with that, he walked away.

Erza stared after his retreating form, and was still staring, long after he disappeared into the distance. She wanted to call out to him, but was unable to speak. She fell to her knees and began to cry. She wasn't sad, and she wasn't upset. She just didn't know what to do. Gray loves me... she was lost. She was lost in a sea of answers, yet the one answer she needed was the one she couldn't find. She knew what she had to do.

Erza walked in the direction that Gray had gone, mentally hitting herself over and over. She realized she actually had no idea where he had gone. Then it hit her. The riverbank... Erza ran as fast as she could and found him, sitting alone, right where he had fallen in love with her. In the same spot where she realized she was falling in love with him. She had still been torn between Gray and Jellal until she had seen Gray, sitting there. She knew and that moment that only he could make her heart beat faster. Only he could take her breath away. Only he could leave her at a loss for words. Jellal had been a crush--the fantasy of a young girl who had no one else to love, but now she was a woman, and Gray was real. His love was real. What they had was real, and Erza knew in her heart that it could only be explained as love. Real, true, undeniable love.

She walked up to Gray and whispered in his ear, "Say it again."

Gray jumped in surprise.

"I love you."

Erza knew then that those three words would never sound as sweet as they did when they came out of his mouth. They would never ring in her ears like the bells of heaven that rang with every soul that passed through its gates. They would never pierce through the armor that had surrounded her heart until that day, that moment in time. Only he could make them.

"Gray, I love you too," and no sooner had she said those words than she smashed her lips into his, causing them both to collapse.

It was the single greatest moment of their lives. Then Gray pulled away.

"Erza," he said, his eyes glistening with tears. "I need you to be sure. You could be just caught up in the moment. Or worse--I don't want you to be doing this just to make me happy, because I know that it's in your nature to put others before yourself. I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are as in love with me as I am with you, and I need you to know the same."

Erza smiled.

"Gray Fullbuster, I, Erza Scarlet, Titania, the Queen of the Fairies, swear to you on all that I am, and all that I hold dear, that I love you more than anything I have ever loved, and anything I ever will love for the rest of my life."

Gray felt a part of himself, a void he hadn't known was there, fill. Her fire had melted his ice.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that, for destruction, ice
Is also great and would suffice.

(Fire and Ice by Robert Frost)

It was, however, neither. It was only through a combination of the two that both their worlds were destroyed...and rebuilt--as one.