Afraid » l.t

Chapter 19

Song: Fight Song - Rachel Platten

"Can you hear my voice this time this is my fight song, take back my life song, prove I'm alright song"

Delilah

Monday morning came soon enough and I found myself pulling on black skinny jeans and a plain grey knitted shirt. I left my hair down, pulling on my nerdy glasses due to me being too lazy to do my makeup.

I felt happy and bubbly all day yesterday and I still do today, all because of Louis. No guy has ever actually made me this happy in, well, ever. I don't want to rush into sex and all the kinky stuff with Louis because I don't feel like it's needed with us. Which is unusual. Because whenever I'm with a guy, it's usually to have sex or get off with each other. It's nice, though. Not having to have sex all the time. I like how we can just do stuff and be comfortable with each other in the deadest of silence. It's been three weeks since I met Louis in October, and I absolutely love the weather moving in because that just means cuddles! I never really cuddled with guys, but when I did with Louis I literally just wanted to cling onto him like a koala bear to a tree. He's the tree, I'm the koala bear if you didn't know!

I laugh quietly at myself, grabbing my packed bag from the front door and sliding on my white Adidas tennis shoes.

I see my mom walk down the stairs, carrying Joseph. When my mom took him to the doctors that one night he was throwing up constantly, we figured out he just had a bad cold. He was prescribed a medication that he's still taking for safety issues. He's doing much better, though! Just a bit weak in the joints.

"I'm heading off," I tell my mother. She smiles, rubbing Joseph's back as I hear a snore come out of his mouth. I laugh, walking over to hug her. I give her a kiss on the cheek, moving to look at Joseph.

"Bye bye Delilah," he says half asleep. I smile in aw, leaning forward to kiss his forehead.

"Bye buddy," I say. "Love you," I say to both of them.

"Love you too. Have a good day," my mom tells me. I nod, waving and walking out. I hop in my car, starting the engine and pulling out of our short driveway. I turn on the radio, increasing the volume when hearing 5 Seconds Of Summer's new song, Girls Talk Boys. I bob my head, singing along to the beat.

I start to think about Louis, actually getting nervous to see him. I don't know why, but I've never had this with any guy and I don't know what to think. One minute I'm all over it and I just want him to be my boyfriend. But then the next minute I just want to go to a party and have sex. Considering I've gone out and had sex with random guys for a couple years, it's normal to me. And normal habits take a long time to get out of. I just need to find a way to get that option out of my head.

I park my car, getting out and walking into the school. I decide to skip my locker trip, just heading to my first hour class.

When I walk in the doors I see a couple other students sitting towards the front with a book open and nose in the pages. I smile slightly to myself, taking a seat in my normal spot.

First hour goes by in a flash, my mind somewhere else, not taking the notes and being attentive like I was the other day. I don't know why considering I enjoyed it... I guess I just couldn't think straight. I arrived to my second hour class, taking my usual spot. I bounce my right leg up and down, nervous tingles filling my body for some reason.

Is it because of Louis? Am I scared to see him because of Saturday?

No. It's a bad feeling... In the gut, bad feeling. I rub my palms along my jeans, trying to get rid of the collecting sweat growing in my hands. I bite my lip, looking down in my lap as I have no idea what's wrong with me.