I watched as the women standing before me had tears in her eyes.
I watched the cute child she was holding reach out for her daddy.
I watched the person I had just kissed stare at me not knowing what to do.
I watched my three best friends looking at me with confused expressions. I finally came back to reality and ran off crying. Why me? Why didn't I go for Jack like I should have in the first place? I knew I could never be with Derek but that made me want him even more. That kiss was special, it was like nothing I had ever felt before. I looked up at the dark clouds in the sky and felt the first few drops of rain fall on me and then I fell.
"You okay?" I heard Jack ask. I opened my eyes and realised that I was in my van and it was just me and Jack. "Yes, my head hurts a little though." I moaned as I tried to sit up, he handed me a glass of water and some aspirin. "Thanks."
"What was you running from?" He asked and I blushed, it seemed like this boy always found me at a weak moment. I remembered the time when we were on holiday skiing.
"And where are you going young lady?" My step dad asked. I rolled my eyes at him and then flinched when his fist landed in my stomach. "I'm having a shower!" I screamed at him with tears pouring down my cheek. My stomach hurt like made and I felt ugly and horrible. He nodded and pushed me into the bathroom door. I opened it and collapsed onto the floor.
I just sat there staring at the ceiling. I reached for the razor blade in my pocket and thought about ending it once and for all. I was just about to dig it into my wrist when the door swung open. Jack realised what I was doing and fell onto the floor next to me. He locked the door and spoke in a hushed voice. "Fran?" He asked with tears in his eyes. I leant into his arms and dropped the blade. "Please don't." His voice was weak and sounded hurt. I wanted to die and couldn't think of anything more embarrassing. "Promise me?" He looked into my eyes.
"I cant." I finally said. His eyes looked hurt, he was shaking as he wrapped his strong muscly arms around my body. He held me like I was his baby. "For me? Please don't do this?" He started to cry. "Jack..." I whispered. I wanted to tell him everything but I was scared for him. "Please, I cant carry on." I cried reaching for the blade, he kicked it out of the way and then lifted me onto the counter staring into my eyes. "Francesca listen to me. I know it is an addiction and everything but I want you to stop, I need you to promise me that you will stop." He wiped the tears from my cheek and managed a weak smile.
"I cant." I cried as I felt all weak. "You're making yourself sick as well aren't you?" He asked taking me by surprise. "How do you-" I didn't get time to finish before he interrupted me. "You eat but I have noticed that you're loosing weight too fast and its a lot if weight. Why are you doing it?" He asked me and I sighed leaning into his arms. "I'm horribly fat!" I moaned and he looked at me. "Fran, you're anorexic not fat. You have that mental disorder that makes you see yourself as fat."
"How do you know all of this?" I asked shyly and he blushed and then giggled. "I started to notice it a while ago, I've been doing extra phycology classes and I noticed that you had the symptoms of depression, bulimia and anorexia. I'm surprised your parents haven't noticed it yet."
"No! Don't tell them! Keep this between me and you please?" I said crying harder and harder. He leant forward and wiped my tears of my cheeks again and then sighed. "I will. But promise me you will stop?" He asked and nodded. I hugged him and he kissed me on the forehead again. He bent down and picked up the razor blade and put it in his pocket. "I'm going to have a shower now." I sighed and he put me down from the side. He hugged me once again and then left.
"Fran?" He asked me and I looked at him. "Sorry, I spaced out." He rolled his eyes and sat down next to me. "You haven't changed one bit." He said tucking a loose stand of hair behind my ear. He grabbed my hand and turned my arm over looking at the scars. "You promised me you would stop!" He groaned when he noticed about ten fresh cuts on my arm. I blinked back tears and buried my head in his shoulder. "Why?" He asked and I sighed. "I did stop, I promise but I relapsed."
"When?"
"The other day."
"Promise me? Please Francesca. I want to protect you from everything and everyone."
"Jack! You cant protect me from my own mind."
"I will try for you." He leant in and wrapped his arms around me like he did the first time he found out and I started to cry again. "Promise me?"
"I promise." I sighed defeated. "Do you mean it?" He asked me and his eyes looked so hurt that I had to nod. "I swear this time I mean it." I cried as he hugged me tightly. We watched a couple of films and then he left me, I went straight to bed and resisted the urge to cut once again. Every time I wanted to a cute picture of Jack flashed before me, I smiled and drifted into a deep sleep.
