thoughts ; meanie

10 ; memories

-mingyu

"That was so much fun!" I say to Wonwoo as we head back home.

Karaoke was so amazing. I laughed so much and I can tell Wonwoo had a good time. He didn't hold back like he usually does when we hang out with our friends. I know he does it but he doesn't know I know. I understand why, he's to scared to let them see the starry-eyed boy i fell in love with. He doesn't see how extraordinary that side of him is. He thinks it's 'nerdy' but it's so not. It's fascinating and insightful. He's so amazing.

And when we were singing our duet, I probably imagined it but, I felt something. I felt the love and I could swear he felt it, too. I could see it on his face. Even after we were done, I still felt it. I could feel it everytime we accidentally touched hands or he put his hand on my shoulder when he would laugh. I felt like my insides were twisting all together. They always feel that way when I'm around Wonwoo, though.

He stops in the middle of the sidewalk suddenly, his eyes looking at me expectantly.

"Why did you stop?"

"Look."

I look around the street like he told me and suddenly it hits me. I look to my left and look at the bench. The bench where I met my prince. The bench where I left all my bad memories behind to start fresh with Wonwoo. As I stare at it, I can still see my blood stained on the surface.

"Who knew we would end up back here?" Wonwoo looks at me with the same face he did back then, his gaze curious. It's like he's still trying to figure out the puzzle that he started when he first met me.

"I didn't. When I followed you back to your place, I figured I would be right  back here the next night. I never would have guessed that you would become my bestfriend. I still can't believe it."

He smiles and sits down on the bench, gesturing for me to do the same, which I do. "Are you happy with the way things turned out, Gyu? Do you wish anything was different?"

I can only laugh at his crazy question. "I am absolutely in love with my life. I love our house, I love my job, I love my friends, and I love you. I've got everything I always wished for. How could I not be happy? There is never a moment that I regret. All those nights listening to your waffles, watching the stars, and drinking coffee with you. I don't regret a single moment. Do you?"

"This is more than I could have ever expected. It feels weird to call you my bestfriend because you feel more than that. I don't know how to explain it but the term bestfriend doesn't give what we have justice. I've built my life with you. It's so crazy because I've only known you for five months and yet, you're the person I think of to talk to when I'm bored. You're the one I want to get coffee with when I'm craving it. You're the one that I go to when I feel lonely. You are my person, if that makes sense. I can't live without you. Before, I was just floating through life with my thoughts distracting me. But since you listen to them, they aren't stuck in my head and i can breathe. You do that, Gyu," He has tears coming out of his eyes now and the biggest smile. It only makes me smile back at him because it renders me speechless. "You make me feel calm and like I have a life that's worth living. So, I don't know, thank you for everything. Thank you for all the good times, the laughs, the smiles, the late nights admiring the stars with me. Even though your head is always stuck in that journal of yours, I appreciate your company. And I really mean that."

And there it is. That feeling is back, the one from the karaoke place. I am so utterly in love with him, why don't I just confess? It's the perfect time and the love is here, I know it is, so why not? Why can't I bring myself to do it?

The feeling of rejection. I know it all to well. I felt it with my mother who rejected my presence basically. I felt it with all the kids in my school who I tried to befriend. I felt it with my father who tried to kill me because of who I am. All my life I've been rejected, but it's different with Wonwoo. His rejection matters. I knew that I didn't need those people who didn't want me, but I need Wonwoo. He's the love of my life and my safe haven. He's my life, basically, and I couldn't handle him rejecting my love. That would be the thing that would break me. If my father's beating didn't, I'm sure this would. He's happy with his life now, it's what he just said, so why would I want to mess that up? I'm so selfish and unworthy of Wonwoo's presence.

"Quit thinking so hard, Gyu. You overthink too much. Sometimes you just need to take a break and look at the trees. The trees are very calming."

Wonwoo looks at me with such certainty and delight, I swell up with happiness. I stand up, walking over to the trash can that's beside the road. I squat down to see that it's still there, a little dirty and bent, but good.

Wonwoo gets off the bench and comes toward me. "What is it?"

I look up at him and hold it up, "My folder. Before I was officially homeless, my dad wouldn't always be in the best of shape around me so I would crash at random peoples houses. I would go to whoever would take me. I wrote down their names of everyone who lent me their couch for a night. Because that's what it was always for, a night. I never got to write your name down, luckily. I only write a person down after I had left their house. I stashed it here when I first came because i didn't want anyone to steal it if I feel asleep so."

I sit and stare at the folder in my hands. It holds apart of my history. I can't believe it's still here after all these months. When I first met Wonwoo, it was the end of January. Now it's the middle of June and I haven't came to get it and check to see if it was still here. I wanted to forget about it. I wanted that part of my past forgotten about. But now, as I hold it in my hands with the comfort of Wonwoo's hand on my shoulder, I've accepted it. I bear all those memories of heartbreak and loneliness. Of all those days I finally felt safe but to just be put back out on the street again. I can feel myself start to cry. All the emotions held in the folder finally overtake me.

"It's going to be okay, Mingyu. You have a home with me now."

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a/n

school has started :-( which makes me really sad. I started today and I hate it already.

but aye if you liked this chapter please vote & comment!!

bye :-)