thoughts ; meanie

6 ; steady

steady

-mingyu

new text message:
from mother

hello son, it has been a while since I have spoken to you. I miss you very much and I want you to know that I will always love you no matter what. I just got home from my business trip to hear that your father has kicked you out of the house. please message me as soon as you can.

   My eyes go wide as I read the screen that I hold in my hands. I had totally forgotten about my mother. She has been gone for so long, it felt like she left for good. That's always what I thought would happen when she would leave. That I would be stuck with my father because she had finally came to her senses and left him. He treated her like crap, never hurting her physically but emotionally and mentally was a different story. She always deserved better than him. It made sense for her to never come back. She was young when she had me, only 18. She married her high school sweetheart and had a kid with him right after graduating. She never wanted the life she had, that's why she always went on those trips. It was the only way she could cope with the fact that her life was not what she wanted and she had to get away from that. But here she is, home again. And in search of me.

   I get up off the couch and step over all of the bodies scrawled everywhere. It's pretty early so I go to the kitchen and cook up some eggs, bacon, and waffles since Wonwoo has an electric waffle maker. I work with the breakfast, watching each person get up one by one. The cooking is a good distraction from the choice that I need to make. Should I go see my mother? Sure she isn't my father in any way but she still practically abandoned me my whole life. How do I look past that and forgive her? How do I get up the courage to face the person who was supposed to be my mother but instead was a ghost who only showed whenever she had to work from her office in Korea? How do I choose?

   "You look like you're thinking too hard." Wonwoo says from the kitchen doorway, his hair all messy and his voice husky from just waking up. I look at him and sigh, my head finally giving up on the matter and saving it for later.

   "You need to talk about it? Because I'm here for you."

   "I'm fine. Plus I made breakfast for you guys. Waffles, eggs, and bacon."

   "Gyu, I know when there is something wrong with you. Like right now."

   "I made twelve waffles because I know that all of us would eat two. Do you think that's enough?"

  "Mingyu, please talk to me."

   "I don't know how many eggs to cook though. What if I don't cook enough? Maybe I should just not cook eggs. It's too stressful trying to figur-"

   My rambling is cut off by Wonwoo taking my hand. He grabs ahold of me and wraps me in a much needed hug.

   "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, just please don't act like there isn't something bothering you." He whispers in my ear, tightening the hug for a second then letting go. He smiles at me and walks away, probably to wake everyone else up.

   As I finish breakfast, the others pick up the living room. Everyone is singing songs while we work, having a total jam session without any music or a particular song that we stick with. It bounces from one song to the next, everyones voices being able to carry the tune. It was nice.

"Breakfast is ready, guys!" 

   We all gather around the four seat table, getting random chairs for everyone to have a seat. I sit in between Minghao and Seungchoul, Wonwoo right across from me.

   As we all eat our breakfast, we joke and laugh at the weirdest of things. The emotions of last night come back to our hearts, the feeling of joy and closeness. But there is something else there too, a feeling to intense to comprehend. It isn't bad, more like unexpected. It's more of a feeling of being stable. We all feel it, you can tell by the look on everyone's faces. It's like everything is right on track, like everything is just how it should be.

   But how can I feel so steady when everything I have ever known has always been so unbalanced? I like this feeling. The feeling that I'm in control of my life. That I am the one who is making the choices and not anyone else.

I like feeling steady.

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a/n

i know that was a sucky ending to this chapter, i just really didn't know how to end it. and this is really short but it's more of just a filler chapter sorta .. okay, so vote & comment if you enjoyed it :) (also sorry this is so late I'll be better about updating i promise)

bye !!

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