Sarah Montana Living In The Boys' Dorm

Ch 81. Runaway?

Is the story kind of... dying a bit? 

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I didn't know what to feel. No matter how much I had told myself to take it easy, and not cry over it - it was hard. I couldn't possibly do it

"I need to get out of here." I tucked onto Darrén's shirt as he gave me a concerned look.

"Miss!" the man called for me as I turned to the other way. "You still haven't chosen a coffin for your brother!"

Tears slid down once again and I wanted to kill this man. How could he say that so casually?! When I turned looking at him with only one eye that could see him he actually hid behind Darrén because he was so scared. I didn't know how scary I looked but I wasn't scary enough for Darrén.

"We'll come another time." he apologised and took me out with his hand grabbing my wrist. "Still not ready?" he said when we came out of the store.

I gently shook my head looking down. It's been three days since he disappeared and since them I've come here but never been able to take it without breaking down. This is the third time I glare at the staff and it seemed like it was different ones everyday.

"Let's go do something fun then?" he suggested with a faint smile that wasn't telling me that we should have fun while Chris is dead like the others smile is or their non-smiles that says 'God, Chris is dead. I don't want to be happy around that subject.'

He just knows what I want and think. Maybe Darrén can read thoughts. Must be the reason he knows me so well. But I never thought about the secret. I had forgotten about the secret. What will I say when Chris isn't going to school? What am I going to do? I can't dress like Chris because the people around me clearly knows that he's dead.

I'll withraw from school. It's the best I can do. Stop going to school, and concentrate on my music career.

I knew what was going to happen if I did this. Krystal would disappear. I'd be Sarah 24/7 and Krystal wouldn't exist anymore. That was the only way out. I'd start over as a new person. This was actually good.

But would it be the same? I seriously need this guy and I knew it. Would he act the same with me when I'm Sarah?

"What are you thinking about?" Darrén suddenly asked me grabbing my arm - as if he knew it was something bad and tried to get me out of it.

"N-Nothing!" I forced a smile that probably looked awful since I saw it in the reflection of his eyes. Without even giving me a second look he ignored me. He definitely knew that I was lying. He wanted to know what the truth was. If I don't lie right now he'll find out anyway. When he discovers that Chris isn't at school tomorrow and how I slowly fade away. How one character took over me easily like that.

That truth is that Krystal is a supporting character. She doesn't have a big existence or personality. She doesn't mean anything in this world. My Chris-character never meant anything either. It was just a cover and even I acted bad as him. Sarah was always the one everyone could remember. She was the one everyone would look at if Krystal and Sarah are standing next to each other even if that's impossible.

It was like a flower being grown from dirt. Impossible, but I did it. Sarah has the looks - the voice and everything. Krystal is just a gloomy girl. The Sarah character has just been someone I've pretended to be, someone I've always wanted to be. A bright beautiful girl. And that was impossible as Krystal. I had to break out of my shell.

Even if this is how it's supposed so end or how I'm supposed to be like for the rest of my life I knew that I didn't want it. I don't want to be Sarah. I want to have the name my mom named me. I want to be me. The real me. Not someone I imagined is perfect because just by acting like someone else tells me that I'm fake.