She filled up the wine glass again and laid her head back against the side of the porch swing. Can I think about it? That was the last thing that she had expected him to say. She should have expected it though. Lindsey could never make things easy. If he were only thinking of the kids like she was it would be an easy decision. He'd give his rights up so that they could have a father one day. Actually if he thought of her children at all they probably wouldn't even be in this situation. If he wanted to be with Kristen that would be fine, she just honestly never thought that he wouldn't want to be a father to her children. He had always said he wanted a daughter to be a miniature Stevie and Liliana was definitely that, but Lindsey didn't want it anymore. Why doesn't he want it anymore? She thought as she choked back a sob. She needed to think of something else. She sipped her wine and closed her eyes again and focused on the song playing in the background
Call up an ex, to rescue me, climb in their bed
When I'd much rather sleep somewhere with you
Like we did on the beach last summer
When the rain came down and we took cover
Down in your car out by the pier
Laid me down, whispered in my ear
"I hate my life, hold on to me. Ah, if you ever decide to leave then I'll go, I'll go, I'll go."
I can go out every night of the week
Go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
And just as if she had written the song herself, memories fitting this song almost perfectly flooded her mind. Memories of her running to him after their breakup, but no matter who she went home with, it wasn't the same. She would pretend every man she was with was him and it wasn't good enough. She felt complete the second his lips touched her skin and he told her how much he loved and missed her. If she closed her eyes tight enough and she concentrated hard enough, she saw him. She could swear that she could smell his cologne. She wiped away the tears that leaked through her closed eyes, wishing that she could be anywhere but here right now. Anywhere. Because as much as she had ever loved him, she was that much and more not in love with him. He left her alone. It wasn't even hard for him. He didn't even care. It was just hard to fight back the old feelings she had when she thought about how he used to call out her name.
"Stevie!" she heard impatiently, breaking her from her reverie. She opened her eyes and turned around and there he was, standing behind her, manila envelope she handed him earlier in the day in hand.
"How did you get in here?" she asked, trying to let him know that he wasn't welcome to just enter her home. Not anymore. Not ever again.
"I still have a key, from before." he muttered.
"What do you want Lindsey? Did you sign them?" she asked, gesturing toward the envelope in his hands. He looked down at it and then back at her.
"Um no. Not yet. I wanted to talk a little more. Why are you asking me to do this Stevie? Are you trying to hurt me? To prove that you don't need me? Because I've been wracking my brain for reasons why you would ask me to do this and I can't find any."
"Don't flatter yourself Lindsey. I know you must not understand the concept, but this is solely for Grayson and Liliana. They deserve the opportunity to have a father in their lives." She said and then spoke quickly as he was about to protest. "Not that there is anyone in the picture, but one day they deserve that. Seeing as how you are their biological father and do not want any part of their lives, it's only fitting that you give these rights up Lindsey. I would never use my children to hurt you, not like anything to do with them would hurt you. Lindsey, we both know you don't want them, but you could use this to hurt us. You don't want me full time. You don't want this family and you've never kept that secret. Why are you hesitating?"
He stared down at his shoes for a few minutes and she was growing impatient waiting for him to decide to spit out the truth.
"Because you're not supposed to find anyone else OK? No, we're not going to be together and yes, I know that I'm married, but you're not supposed to find anyone else! No, it's not full time, but I'd be here whenever I could. You have me sometimes and you've got those kids and I know you love being a mom. You wouldn't have those kids if it weren't for me Stevie and now you're trying to use them to punish me? I'd think if anything, you'd be a little grateful." He ended smugly and from the look he saw registering on Stevie's face he had said the wrong thing. A look of absolute fury crossed her features and he figured he had less than 5 seconds before his face would bear Stevie's handprint. Before he could react he heard the slap before he felt it, not quick enough to avoid her. He opened his eyes as he rubbed his jaw, Stevie not showing any sign of remorse. He took a few steps away from her before she decided to strike again.
"Sign the goddamn papers, Lindsey. Sign them and leave. There is no going back for us from here. I will never touch you again. I'd rather never see you again, but I can be professional and get through this album recording."
"Stevie..." he started, not knowing what to say, but not wanting things to end this way.
"Sign the fucking papers Lindsey and stay out of my life." She said and walked inside to grab a pen. She came out moments later and handed him the pen and focused her intense stare on him until he pulled out the sheets of paper and started to read them over for the first time.
I, Lindsey Adams Buckingham, acknowledge that I am the biological father of Grayson Christopher Nicks and do so wish to terminate any and all parental rights of said child, knowing that this action is permanent... he stopped reading and looked over at Stevie who was still waiting and though he saw the anger on her face, he knew her well enough to see the grief masked under the anger. He knew she still loved him and he could truly see how hard it was for her to ask him to cut this tie. She wanted him to be the father of her son and daughter, their son and daughter, he supposed, but he wasn't willing when she told him and he still wasn't now. With one last look at her, he grasped the pen and signed his name in the appropriate places for both children. He replaced the forms in the envelope and turned to face her and return the envelope to her. He saw the tears streaming down her face, but chose to ignore them.
"Thank you."
"I wish things were different Stevie."
"But they're not. You don't love my children. You don't love me. Not the way I need to be loved, anyway. There isn't much you can do to change those things Lindsey. I wasn't bluffing. I won't have you in my life anymore. You should dispose of my house key. I'll be having the locks changed as well as the gate codes. This will be the last time you step foot into one of my homes. Take the back gate out." She said and turned away from him, walking back into her house and locking the door behind her. She reached the kitchen and walked sobbing, right into Mick, whom she didn't even know was there and continued to cry.
