I wake up and I'm overwhelmed with guilt. Kristen was completely right. It's completely not fair that Stevie is taking the blame for everything with Grayson. This is all my fault, not hers. But how to tell him the truth without hurting him? I don't think there's a way.
I can't get her off my mind. She let me hold her last night. I held her in my arms and it felt like I was back at home. I don't know why I didn't make her mine when I had the chance. I love Kristen, but she's not Stevie. I was just so set on doing the family thing right with Kristen and I just treated Stevie like shit. I'm literally so angry with myself. And all I can do is think about her. I haven't touched her in over 6 years and now I'm literally obsessed with being near her, but...I can't. I fucked it all up and Mick came in to pick up the pieces I left behind. He was a partner to my love and a father to my children. She gave birth to two of his children. There's a connection there. I made my choice and now I'm stuck with it. Watching her be with the last person in the world I want to be with her.
All of this aside, I need to talk to them. We need to all sit down and talk to Grayson, but we also need to talk to each other and see how we are going to handle all of this. Because whether they like it or not, they can't exclude me anymore. The fact that Grayson came here last night proves just that. I get myself together, load Grayson's bike into my SUV and drive over to Mick and Stevie's. I'm a little nervous about showing up here unannounced, but I know that they know we need to talk. I pull the bike up and put it near the garage and go knock on the door. After waiting a moment the housekeeper comes and tells me that they are both at Village Recorders today. I could go home and do this later I suppose, but I've worked up my courage and there is no time like the present.
I arrive at the studio and go to open the door and am barreled into by a hysterical woman. I look down and it is none other than Stevie.
"I'm so sorry!" she cries.
"Stevie?" I say and then hear Mick calling and she looks frantic.
"What's wrong Stevie?" I ask.
"Lindsey, please get me out of here! I'm begging you!" she cries desperately and I immediately rush her to my car, punching the gas getting her out of here. I see Mick in my rearview and I can't help but wonder what the hell is going on. Stevie is sobbing in the passenger seat and is desperate to be anywhere but home. I decide to take her to our beach house. Once we arrive and I get her settled I want to know what has put her in this state. She cries so desperately when she tells me of Mick's infidelity and it's killing me to know how much pain she is in. I'm not sure how much more pain this woman can go through and a lot of it is my fault. I am almost in tears just seeing how much pain she's in. But then, she asks me to take her away. I see determination in her eyes and without hesitating I touch her lips to mine and kiss her with as much passion I can muster.
I can't even say how many times I've dreamed of having her next to me. Feeling her lips against mine, it's literally like heaven. I'm instantly rock hard and I pick her up and carry her to the bedroom, trying to be everywhere at once. I practically tear her clothes off and she's removing mine. She has her eyes closed right now and I hate that, but if she needs to be somewhere else, I'll take her there. I kiss her again, fighting her for entrance and then kiss down her jaw, to her neck. I'm trying to take my time and yet be everywhere. I am desperate to give her as much as I can, but apparently this isn't what she wants. She rolls us over and begins to ride me and she's absolutely driving me crazy. Her moans, the movement, the way she moves her hands through her hair. God, I'm losing my fucking mind right now. I feel her tighten and start to hit her harder in the cervix and she begins to scream. Moments later I join her. She lays on my chest and is completely quiet. She doesn't say a word, but she does kiss me and I know that she needs more. So much more. I give it to her as hard as I can and as much as I can and eventually she becomes so exhausted she can't move and falls asleep beside me. I cover her up and get up to shower before checking my phone and see that Kristen has called me about 20 times. It's after 5 and I know I have to get home. I put my clothes back on and go over to wake her.
"Stevie? Stevie?" I whisper.
"Mmm?" she says half asleep.
"I have to get home. Do you want to stay here and do you want me to take you home?"
"I don't want to go. Do you have to leave?" she asks and I can hear the vulnerability in her voice.
"I do, but I promise, I'll be here first thing in the morning, OK?" I say, looking at her and she nods her head. I give her a peck on the lips, but as I leave I hear her crying again. It breaks my heart to leave her but I can't stay. And she always knows that.
After a ridiculously long and awful night, I rush back to her around 10 the next morning. I open the door and call for her, but I can't find her. I see that she's had a bag of her things dropped off, they're still on the kitchen table.
"Stevie?" I call out, but she doesn't answer. I check every room in the house and finally see that the master bath has the light on. She has to be there. I try the handle and luckily she hasn't locked it.
"God, Stevie!" I cry out when I see her passed out on the floor, blood trickling from her forehead. I survey our surroundings and I can't believe what she's done. I try to get her to come to but I can't and I'm panicked. I know I'm going to have to call 911 and I do. The ambulance arrives quickly and I'm not allowed to ride with her. I hop in my car and follow behind them and make a phone call I definitely don't want to make.
"Hello?"
"Mick, it's Lindsey."
"Lindsey, where is she? Is she OK? Can I talk to her? Please, I'm begging you!" he sounds so desperate but he doesn't deserve my sympathy.
"Mick, I'm calling because I found Stevie unconscious this morning when I went to check on her. She's in an ambulance on her way to Cedars Sinai."
"Unconscious? What could have happened to her?"
"I don't think it was something that happened to her. I'm fairly certain it was self inflicted. I found 5 lines of cocaine untouched. It looks like she was doing lines and passed out before she could finish." I say seriously.
"Cocaine? No, not my Stevie. She would never. She knows doing cocaine will kill her because of that hole." He says, unbelievingly.
"I think that was the point Mick." I say gravely.
"You're saying you think she was trying to..." he breaks down into sobs.
"I do. Look Mick, pull yourself together and get to Cedars Sinai. I can't say she'll want to see you, but you are her husband and she's in a bad place." I tell him and he gets off quickly. I pull into the parking lot of the hospital and go and sit in the waiting room, hoping to hear something soon. I need her to be OK, I need her to pull through.
