I didn't call ahead to tell anyone that I was coming home, just in case I changed my mind. Walking to the front door, pulling out my key I felt nervous for some reason. I think I was nervous about what I was going to walk into, but I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting...Mick to be fucking that girl on the couch? I knew better than that. Mick at least had more respect for me than that, though it's not saying much. He had called me constantly, begging me to come back. What was I so afraid of? That he was just pleading because he didn't want another divorce? That he just didn't want me to be with Lindsey? Lindsey. Ugh. What a chauvinistic ass. Lindsey was NOT a factor in my decisions about Mick. I sure as hell wasn't a factor in his relationship. The kids weren't either. I'm not sure how I allowed myself to get wrapped up in this with him. In all these weeks he hadn't asked me about our son and daughter once. So sad. This was my life.
I took a deep breath and turn the key in the lock. I was going to lay everything on the line with Mick. I was going to tell him about what had happened with Lindsey, all my feelings, everything. If there was some way to work out this fucked up situation our marriage had turned into, for those people we were 2 months ago and for our family, I was willing to give it a shot, a real shot this time. That was, if Mick was even here and this was what he wanted.
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Will looked over at his little brother, if he could even call him that. Gray was almost two years younger than him, but was the same height as he was. He worked to keep his emotions off of his face as his little brother poured his heart out. He felt his contempt grow for his own father, not knowing if he would ever be able to look at him the same way. Will loved his brother and it was so hard to see him hurt, to feel so many ill feelings toward his own mother. Will was lucky, he had a great mom, but so did Gray.
"Gray, you need to ease up on her. You don't know the full story. Your mom seems like a really great lady and I don't think she would try to hurt you like that." he finally speaks up.
Grayson runs his fingers through his sandy curls, the emotional struggle playing out in his piercing blue eyes. "Try or not, she did. She was the one who had affair, she knows the risks and then she kept me away from my dad, from my sisters, from you, Will! Don't you feel a little angry about that? And then to top it all off, we fight,my dad cheats on her and she tries to kill herself! So now, we can't even talk things out, I can't even be honest with her because I'm worried she's going to try to kill herself again!" Gray says in a loud, angry outburst.
Will looks shocked, he'd no idea that Gray's mom had tried to kill herself. But this revelation had made a decision he'd been having an internal struggle with for weeks; whether or not to tell Grayson the truth. He knew now he had to and as his older brother it was his job to help him through this.
"I have to tell you something about your mom Gray. She's not as bad as you think. She's trying to protect you. She doesn't want this to hurt any more than it has to." Will begins .
"What do you mean? What do you know that I don't? I don't think I need much more of her protection." Grayson spat.
"Look, when I met your mom that day at the pool, I found out that we were brothers that day. I don't know how to say this in a way that won't hurt you, but your mom didn't keep Dad away from you and Lily. I heard them fighting about it. She said that he willingly signed over his rights and hadn't wanted to be your father. He told her nothing had changed." he said softly, seeing Grayson deflate, he wrapped his arm around him.
"I'm sorry Gray, but your mom didn't do anything wrong. I don't want to hurt you, but Dad was wrong then and he is now. I'm here for you, whatever you need to get off your chest, I'm here."
Gray stiffened under Will's arm and willed himself to keep his emotions in check. He had to get out of there and fast. He needed to be home. He needed his mother. He was going to rush home and beg Stevie to come home from Phoenix.
"That's ok. Thanks for telling me. I've gotta go."
He said, rushing out of the room, leaving Will speechless. As he headed home, he felt so confused, hurt, and unwanted. Why had his dad not wanted him? Obviously Will had been such a good son Lindsey didn't want another one. He let Stevie do everything alone. He hadn't spent any time with Gray at all since he found out Lindsey was his father. He guessed Will wasn't lying when he said Lindsey said he still didn't want to be his dad. Why was Will so much better? Why was Kristen better than Stevie? Gray didn't think she was. The tears were falling thickly as Gray furiously wiped them from his eyes. He parked his bike in front of the garage and ran in, determined to call his mother and beg her to come home and then beg her to get him as far away from the Buckinghams as possible. He wanted life to be as good as it was just a few months before.
He walked in and headed up the stairs, but stopped halfway up, thinking he heard his mother's voice. He followed the sound until he found her sitting on the sofa next to his dad, talking more civilly than they had in some time.
"Mom?" he said timidly and Stevie's head turned. Her eyes went from loving to concerned almost immediately, taking in Grayson's tear stained face.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she said, worry lacing every syllable.
He wrapped his arms around her tightly.
"I'm so happy you're home, Mom." he whispered.
"I'm here son, I'm not going anywhere. Gray, what happened?"
"Mom can we please go to the new house now?" he pled. She looked at him and sighed.
"Gray, we're going at the end of the school year, remember?" she said, pulling away and lifting his chin to make eye contact with him.
"Now Mom, please." he begged. She looked into the depths of his blue eyes, reading them just as well as she had once read his biological father's. He saw his terrible pain and heartache. She didn't even have to think.
"We'll go tomorrow and everything is going to get better son." she promised.
